A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Over the course of our 13 month relationship my GF has gone down me maybe 10 times, and only once did she stick it out til I came. She swallowed, and it was glorious.When I ask her to do it, she usually obliges, but rarely initiates it herself. I found out last week that oral is a big deal for her, because two years ago she was "forced" to do it about three times. It was an unpleasant experience for her, but I still question why after the first time she could even look this guy in the face again let alone see him and let him do it at least twice more. When she told me, I got really upset, and then she got upset at my reaction. I think we were both in the right in terms of getting upset. (I think?) But anyways, she told me this past friday. How soon should I wait to ask her to go down on me again? Should I wait til she does it, which could be awhile? Should I even wait to ask? If so, how long?Thanks....
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male
reader, meganutts +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Don't ever ask her again, be sensitive to the fact that she's been abused. Don't even expect it in my opinion. You need to be considerate of the fact that she even did it for u in the first place considering she may have had resevations. You need to be there for her so she can get over this. Apparently she's not. Hang in there with her, it'll pay off, trust me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): im the previous anonymous poster. Your final question is...and I quote "how long should I wait before I ask for oral again". You said it not me. It seems oral IS a big deal to you.
Who knows the circumstaces as to why it hapened 3 times. People often stay in abusive relationships they feel trapped in.
You have NO RIGHT being angry at her for her being in that sitation in the past and your attitude is poor.
Say what you like about me but I still think you are a slef centred jerk
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think you are jumping to MAJOR conclusions there, anonymous.
who are you to say i don't support her emotionally or that i am not invested in her happiness? my life takes a complete BACK SEAT to hers, she is always my top priority over myself - emotionally AND sexually.
BUT
The fact that she was forced to do something horrible once, but put herself in a position for it to happen at least twice more, raises some questions.
And since she is my first lover, and I am at a point in the relationship where we either take the next step (we are already living together) or go our separate ways. a life with little or no oral sex is not a make or break deal, but for a 22 year old who has been having sex for only 14 months, it is something to seriously think about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Hmmm maybe she should be on here asking 'why am I with a self centred jerk who 1- does not support me emotionally and 2- is more concerened with when the next time I suck his dick will be rather than my happiness".
Do her a favour and dump her because she can do better than you MATE!
Ugh I feel sick
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 The issue here is not this guy in the past, it's the fact that she won't engage in a sexual act that you want her to engage in.
The fact that she continued to see the guy in the past suggests to me that she cares more about people than about sexual acts. The guy may have forced her, and it may have upset her greatly, but not everyone is so "rational" about relationships that they simply turn away from a person when something unpleasant happens.
I don't think you should be taking this line of thought. Sorry, but to attack her over her past behaviour with another person simply because she won't give you head seems a bit overbearing to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto follow up:yes i go down on her, but rarely as she says she does not and has not ever liked it. i offer to go down on her nearly every time we make love, sometimes she lets me but most of the time she doesn't.i do love her, and of course have been super respectful in these regards.BUT - does anyone think i should be mad or if i should question the type of person she for continuing to see this guy after the first time he forced her to do this? i mean, what was she thinking? she could have pressed charges, but instead saw him at least twice more, and both times he forced her to do it.thoughts? thanks...
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A
female
reader, sweetassugar  +, writes (22 October 2008):
I was also forced to do this nearly 20 years ago and there is no way to discribe how horrible it is to be forced to do anything that you don't want to do.
Anyway, I've been with my partner for 5 years now and I told him before we ever slept together that I wouldn't do bj's. He was fine with it and never forced it or mentioned having one. I eventually told him the reason why.
Since that point the trust grew and I eventually did go down on him for a very short time. This has now become a more frequent activity and I am only just starting to think about finishing him off in that way but still have reservations about it.
The point is what happened to her would have been a hugh ordeal to her and she needs time to deal with it in her own way. She needs to know that she can trust you, that you understand it from her point of view and that you love her anyway. Give her time and talk to her about what happened if she wants to. Don't talk to her about doing it with you though - that would be for your own selfish reasons if you do and it won't help. You're being there for her right now. Maybe even suggest she speak to a counseller. If she loves you, she'll want to make you happy and eventually she'll deal with it in her own time. Just don't push her.
And there's always so many others things to enjoy in the meantime. Good luck to you both
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (22 October 2008):
Do you go down on her?
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A
male
reader, maneesh1003  +, writes (22 October 2008):
My dear all girls are the same,so dont take your case to be unnatural. The physcilogy of a girl works very differently that of boys.She might be not prepared,So give her more time and if you see that nothing is going smoothly, for you both,its high time to put evrerything on the table and find a solution for the last time.And never move back in life,if she has to come she will or else you find another one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): if you love her you will let her take her time and give her space unless you think her ''going down on you'' is more important than she feels. think about it as if you were in your girlfriend's shoes. then you may have a better understanding of how she feels.
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A
female
reader, Samilylove +, writes (22 October 2008):
honestly, as a girl, I HATE going down on a guy.
I was forced to back in march, and I want tocry just thinking about it. Since then I have gone down on a guy twice. I still hate the expeirience, and it has taken a crapload of convincing to get me to do it.
if she doesn't offer it for a while, dont ask for a while. Let it simmer down for a bit. Give it a few weeks,
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