A
male
age
41-50,
*enny boy
writes:I am in bits and need your help....I have been going out with my girlfriend for 2 years now and in January, we got engaged (she is 24). We have arguments like everybody else which is healthy but the problem is, she never admits when she's in the wrong, she doesn’t seem to be self-aware and she doesn’t apologize when she's been in the wrong about something. When we have an argument, she seems to just try her best to avoid her wrong doings and when I say 'you always avoid taking any blame or saying sorry' she just puts it onto me by saying 'well you don’t when I am making a very conscious effort to make sure that I change my negative points. If anything, I go over the top apologizing when I've done something, in the hope that she will do the same back, but she doesn’t. I love her but cant keep taking this, and although I've said that to her, it doesn’t seem to do anything because the problem just seems to keep reoccurring.So please give me your advice and thank you in advance.Ben (aged 28).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): HiNot many people have the balls to openly admit when they are wrong...and the simple word sorry is the hardest to say. I understand your frustration.....when you try and your girlfreind wont. There could be a lot more healthier relationships out there if honesty came in. Your flogging a dead horse, she does KNOW when she is wrong....unless she is totaly stupid ,which i very much doubt. Your reasoning will fall on deaf ears and frustrate you even more...people like this end up actually CONVINCING themselves that they can never be wrong....so in the end i would say DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT OR HAPPY? via con dios.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): i'm a stubborn girlfriend and my husband had issues with me but he would only bring it up when we were fighting. If we were fired up he'd exaggerate and I would defend myself and refuse to to take note and i guess thought he was just saying things out of anger and not taking him seriously. We started talking about our concerns with each other's behaviour when were both calm and in the mood to talk and really listen. This might help if you try and tell her about her hard head when she's capable of learning something from u to better herself and maybe she'll accept the challenge.....
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (12 April 2009):
Your relationship should not be based on arguments or what's said or what isn't said. Through your post you don't mention many positives or things you have achieved from the relationship which after 2 years you should have, you most likely have done but you no longer realise what's important. I don't blame you for this, its been a long time and its almost as if the shine is being taken off what you once had. Some people will never admit when they are wrong, it can be difficult to handle and accept but its their set way. It makes them human, nobody likes apologising or making mistakes and having to admit to them. Some people despise defeat so much they avoid it altogether like your gf. By now you should of found ways around it, shouting it through wont help, try talking to her calmly about how its affecting you and the relationship. There may well be more than what meets the eye. your gf could have valid reasons, she may of been up in this environment and so sees it as the norm way to live. At this stage in the relationship arguments will be frequent yet should not be constant. Your main concerns should be focused on the more important aspects as you metion being engaged? The good things about that situation have been taken away by the bad, you need to get the priorities back in order. You need the support of her to do so so talking is the ideal way forward. Try a different method, the more you apologise the less likely she is to do the same in fact shes more likely to sit back and let you take full credit so id advise you against these tactics as they work the opposite way.Next time dont apologise and take it to the extreme and refuse to take the blame this way she will have to say something in order for you to carry on.Remember though arguments shouldn't be taking over what's most important and right now i feel they are.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 April 2009):
Arguing every day is NOT normal or healthy.
In a NORMAL relationship you talk about things and don't keep having the same problems because you work through them.
You may love someone but sometimes that is not enough to make things work.
I think you need to tell her you are having serious doubts about the wedding due to the fact that she has never once apologised to you or admitted being in the wrong and that she turns it round on you.
It could be that if you tell her she is risking losing you then it might make her think a bit more and change. It could be that your relationship has just gone as far as it can go and it's time to call it quits and move on before it gets ugly.
Good Luck!! xx
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