A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:what does it mean when you breakup and the girl is trying to work on herself and she still wants to be friends ?Why would she want to still be friends when she did not want to stay in a relationship with me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 The work-on-herself part MIGHT be true. If she has issues interfering with her enjoyment of relationships, she may want to do something before staying in one- maybe going to counseling, or working on her body image and self confidence, or deciding between sowing some more wild ots or being committed etc.etc, whatever the problem may be.
The " let's be friends " part is basically bullshit, nice, social, polite, sort of mandatory bullshit. It should not be taken literally, she does not mean it like we'll be friends that organize weekly outings together, or text everyday or do the stuff that normally friends do..
It just means- let's not be enemies, please don't give me a hard time, don't make me the bad guy among our common friends, don't embarass me, let's act civil if we happen to meet in public , and so on and so forth.
A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 I think this is a good news/bad news answer. Bad news first, I think there is a certain level of commitment involved in a relationship and she obviously doesn't feel able to make that for whatever reason, in this case seemingly for reasons less connected to you as a person and more to do with her.
However, and this is the good news, somebody who still wants to be friends obviously values your company and more importantly cares about you as a person. If she said she wants to work on herself then she obviously has an issue which she feels she needs to address and feels she can only do that alone. This doesn't necessarily mean she *cares* less but it does feel shes no longer able to make the commitment a relationship entails. If its something major she may, in her own head, be making a misguided attempt to protect you.
It maybe that in time, because this is not to do with the relationship or you per se as a person (though I am sure it doesnt feel that way) that in time things could change but that is a big maybe. All you can really do is try and move on which I know is easier said than done especially when the friendship is still there because that leads to the obvious conclusion she still cares and therefore holds out the prospect of reunion. I hope that helps. Sorry to hear about your break up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): So I am a culprit of doing this. I am in the midst of possibly ending a relationship with someone who I love dearly... for many reasons (financial, stability, spiritual).
To give a little insight... I do want to remain his friend because:
1) We do have fun together
2) We have a lot of the same interests
3) I adore his family
4) He's an overwhelmingly positive person (somewhat delusional at times)
5) He really has a great heart
6) I just love him.
I think he's a wonderful person, but honestly not the person I should spend the rest of my life with. When I assess where I am right now in life and what I want out of life, I overwhelmingly feel he would only hinder this.
So this is about you... based on the age range, more than likely she's considering whether you are the one, she's also considering what she may lose by ending all communications with you. You are probably a very nice guy who she may not feel is right for her now.
Also, mid-20s are a time of constant change, so she may honestly be going through her 'realization' phase. And it seems that she cares enough about you not to put you through the ups and downs of that phase.
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