A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ughhh someone please give me some advice!!i dont mean to sound nasty but my friend is driving me mad! she is so selfish... she broke up with her boyfriend over 6 months ago and was having an affair with another man at the same time she broke up with her boyfriend n carried on seeing this other man.. no this other man has just packed up n left her so shes been on the rebound with more than 1 man!! i was there for her through everything! and always picked her up when she was down and now ive just broke up with my boyfriend which i am heartbroken about and whenever i talk about it to her its like she cant hear me and starts talkin about how depressed she is and how she feels so lonely etc.. its her fault shes not with her boyfreind and i feel like it need someone there for me as im goin through a hearthbreak but shes nt intrested why is she like that?
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female
reader, Counselorgirl  +, writes (7 September 2010):
Why do you need her to be compassionate with you? I would prefer to have someone I admire to ask for advice. Not a friend whose boyfriend dumped her for cheating on him. What kind of sympathy do you think she could give you? What kind fo advice do you think she can give you? Why do we all spend our lives expecting things from other people? Do we give ourselves to people so we can say, "you owe me" later when we are in need? As if that would make a difference. Go and find your own peace of mind somewhere else and give her a break, hang out with her only for entertainment, since you can't force her to give you something that's not in her to give. There are some people you just can't count on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): Some people just need to be the center of attention, sweetie. They often don't realize they're doing it, but sometimes even when they do realize it, they don't do anything to change themselves.
You could try telling her how you feel and seeing what happens. She may come around and say "holy crap, I can't believe I was being like that." But more likely she'll deny it and tell you it's not so. If she does deny it, she might think it over later and then change a little though she probably won't ever tell you that you were right.
Remember that you can't change anyone else, though, only yourself. It's best to pick friends that you can accept as they are, because most people don't like to change even when they realize it might be for the best.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (7 September 2010):
 Your friend doesn't sound like a very healthy or kind person.
I think it would be wise to distance yourself from her. Find someone who will listen to you.
Good Luck!
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