A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and my wife are in early 40s. I met her 2 years ago. I have been through one divorce before and my marriage lasted 5 1/2 years. My wife has been through 2 divorces before she met me and both her marriages lasted approx a year. I have a son from my previous marriage who lives woth his mother. My wife has a daughter from her first marriage and she has with cerebral palsy. By profession I am a doctor plus I have my own business while my wife is on a senior management post.We got married 9 months back. One month into our marriage, I started to see her changed personality. She would be very kind one moment but then she would become violently aggressive and abusive (both verbal and physical). From my interaction with her prior to marriage I knew she was aggressive but what I didn't know was that she was extremely abusive and volatile.THE PROBLEM:1. She would, out of nowhere, create an argument and would push me to indulge in it. I took 8 years to decide to remarry and I was ready to give this marriage a 100%. I tried not to indulge in any argument by either keeping quiet or going to another room in the house but she chased me and she wanted to get a reaction out of me. Things rapidly became so bad that she started to hit me and started to throw and break things in the house. At couple of occassions when my parents were around, she actually abused them with such a language that I had never heard before in my life.2. Her attitude after marriage became very disrespectful. She started to behave as if she was some out-of-the-world person and everyone around her was below her. She would brag about her job and would not even realise that I was highly educated and I had established a successful business as well.3. There was constant nagging, criticism, and her pursuit of forceful domination of everyday affairs. Her feelings were the only feelings worth mentioning while any hurt I felt was to be ruthlessly dismissed.4. Since the beginning of our marriage, I gave her my commitment that I was marrying for life and keeps. But every 10 days or so, whenever she was in her volatile behaviour mode, she would pack up and leave. Usually for couple of hours. The last time when she became excessivly violent, she just packed up and left to her parents house. She hasn't returned. We have only contacted each other via emails and that too because she sent me a concocted email which she claimed to be from a woman who wanted me and who created the rift between us.5. The most hurtful thing that happened was that she lied to me about many things before our marriage and I only came to know about them in the last days. I didn't confirnt her until she made baseless accusations against me. I eventually found out that everything that was told to me was a lie. Including the fact that she was responsible for the crebral palsy of her daughter. She had an argument with her first husband and as she became violent, she caused the baby to slip off the bed. Her 2nd marriage also ended due to her violent and abusive behaviour.I am not a perfect guy. I have many short comings but I have never seen such behaviour in my life before. We are now practically separated. I have still communiacted to her that I am willing to forgive and forget provided she changes her attitude. A marriage cannot be successful if both partners are not respectful and they don't sort things out remaining within the relationship.She is now taking my communication as my weakness. She has not shown any remorse and instead she has blamed me for everything.I don't know what to do anymore. How many times do I have to compromise on my self respect to make things work in a marriage.Am I wrong to feel the hurt about her lies. Sometimes I wonder maybe I have a problem. But I know that my disposition is not violent nor abusive. I don't take any impulsive decision and I have given her ample time to rethink about her behaviour. Unfortunetly, she has been throwing the blame on me and is not willing to even acknowledge her abusive behaviour.Should I walk away? Or should I compromise again? I don't have any childern from her. We were only intimate wehnever she wanted it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Just be glad that she is gone. Even just the number of divorces in her past should be a good indication that she is not fit for a mature long-lasting relationship. Let alone, everything else you've told us about her. Begin the process of emotional detachment, the sooner the better.
A
female
reader, romany +, writes (7 September 2010):
 Hiya, I'm gonna be completely honest, cos I'm not the greatest one for big clever words and such like, so i'm just gonna say it, this woman obviously has some personality/mental issues, mega bad ones and I'd be thankful that she left me.
Your trying to make a marriage work that you never signed up to, she was sweet, a little fiesty, but come on, she's not far from being able to spin her head round on her shoulders!!!
Two failed marriages, both only lasted a year, bet she played the victim in both of them too, the woman is totally dysfunctional, and lying about her child, to gain sympathy, my goodness, I dont think it gets any worse.
You sound like you would see yourself as a failure if you got out of this marriage, you wont be failing, you'll be winning, and I hope that once you read the answers from aunts on here, you'll understand that this is not a healthy relationship, you are not failing, as she is not what you thought she was.
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