A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What is going on with my friend ?. I live in England, and she lives in Norway ( Although, she isn't from there originally ). We have been intouch online for a few years now, but we have only met in person once. We know each other because we like the same band. For quite a long time now, she has been saying that i can go and stay at her house if i visit Norway, especially if any of the members of the band we like are doing anything there. One of the band members is doing something there later this year. I sent my friend a message to ask her if she has heard about it, and she said she has. She didn't suggest that i could stay with her this time though, and she even told me that one of her other friends is staying with her, and she said that we will have to meet up before or after the event, that the band member will be at, with the other fans. And she told me to let her know if i am definately going. can't really go there if i don't have anyone to travel with/stay with, as i'm not used to going abroad alone. Do you think i should ask her if i can still stay with her, or should i leave it ? She has said for a while that she would show me soem of the sites there too, but she hasn't mentioned that again yet either. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Thanks for your replies everyone. I am headed to Oslo, which , of course, is the capital of Norway, so i know it will be expensive. The thing is, i know she had two friends staying with her a few months ago, so there must be enough room for mor than one friend to stay, and she has even suggested having lots of fans of this band at her house ( although, some of them would just be visiting her house, not sleeping over ) . She said she might have a meet up with all the fans when we go to Oslo, but i'm not sure where.Of course, i don't want to come across as impolite, and i will look for a hostel or cheap hotel room if she doesn't offer for me to stay with her.I haven't heard of couch surfing websites before, so i'll have a look at those.I jsut hope it's nothing personal against me that she hasn't offered for me to say, but it probably isn't. I was suppsoed to meet her when i went to a concert once last year. She texted me, as she was trying to find me before the concert,as we weren't going to be seate together, but we didn't find each other. she didn't try to contact me after the concert though.and i met her earlier this year at another event. she said hello to me when i saw her, but we lost each other as it was so crowded and some of our other friends were there.i wasn't sure if she looked for me then though, but i tried to look for her.
Cash might be a problem if i can't find somewhere cheap to stay, but i'll look around.
Do you think i should ask her if she is still planning on looking at the sites though with her friends, as i know she did that with the two friends who stayed with her last time, and she said that she would like to do that again.She also said in her last message that we will all have to have a group photo with the band member if we get to meet him.
Tom obler, i like your suggestion of asking her about local info for accommodation, and see what she says. I might do that.
I'll let you know how it goes.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Just ask her.
But, you're old enough to travel on your own now, don't worry about it. Norway is about the safest country on earth to travel in, low crime, just extremely expensive. Where in Norway are you headed? There are cheap hostels available, and hotels in plenty everywhere.... Alternatively you can bring a tent and camp, if it isn't too cold out.
Be independent! Ask her to stay at her place, but if there's no room go anyway! You'll meet her before and after, you will just have to sleep somewhere else.
Try couch surfing websites, if you want to stay for free somewhere.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Well, as already said she has not mentioned the invite. So, you can't force her or suggest it. She has a guest already. I'm afraid you will have to make your own plans for accommodation etc. If this is beyond you financially and you are not comfortable in staying somewhere alone then you are not able to go this time. Sadly, you will have to let this go. Or,.....you could cleverly ask her for local hotel info in the area hoping she will then say..."don't use a hotel, stay with me." In this way you have indirectly asked her because you don't know the area and you are simply asking her for local info. about hotels and places to stay ;)Then, you will definitely have your answer. If she doesn't suggest staying with her, get the hotel info from her but don't further it. Then, you don't lose face or appear impolite. I hope it works for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 I would not insist, she did not renew her invitation, in fact she informed you that she already has guests and I guess this is a diplomatic way to let you know you not to expect to stay at hers.
Now, if the problem is cash ( you can't afford to go unless you get free lodging )... well, it's a problem. If the problem is that you are not used to go abroad alone... I refuse to consider it a problem and so should you. Aw come on ! With this kind of mindset, nobody would ever do anything at all. Everybody would be a virgin, because they are not used to making love, and nobody would submit a job application, because they are not used to work .
There is always a first time, for travels too, and at 26-29 you are more than ready and capable of handling this "first ". Also considering that you are not going in the heart of the jungle ,but in highly civilized, peaceful, clean Scandinavia where everybody, btw , speaks
English as their second language.
So my advice is- scrape up the money ,by working overtime or borrowing it, leave by yourself and... enjoy your concert !
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 She already let you know she has company.
You already "hinted" at needing a place to stay.
She let you know by silence that she was not extending an invite to you.
Let it be or find a friend to split costs of a cheap rental room or a hostel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Informing you that she has another friend staying with her and that you two could meet up before or after the event is probably her diplomatic way of saying she can't accomodate you. At least not this time.
Your only other alternative is to just come right out and ask her if her offer is still open.
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