A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a mature student and my personal tutor is 5 years older than me. I have one more year of study remaining. For the last four years, I really felt sure that this man liked me A LOT, but believed he was married and so I never flirted openly with him and vice versa. A few months ago I officially took time out of college (ie. was not officially a student for several months) and during that time I had to contact him about something. Without in any way encouraging him, he contacted me back, but by phone - usually he would email - and we went out on several 'dates' each of which were supposedly to discuss my studies, but which he initiated and prolonged. In between times, he would phone or text me much more than ever before and I honestly felt that he was really flirting with me on these 'dates', but still remaining highly respectful and so on - he would kiss me hello and goodbye on the cheeck, for example, which he would never do in the capacity of tutor. It was almost impossible for me to flirt with him as I usually would with a man, because I had no idea what his situation was re. his wife and spent most of these 'dates' really enjoying myself but also thinking "what is going on?". On the last 'date' he told me that he had been separated for almost 3 years and lived alone all that time, but has shared responsibility for his daughter. After that, I had to return officially to college, but I was not expecting to see him much at all as a student. Just before I returned, I texted him saying that I would like to see him and he called me a few days later, saying that he wanted to meet but he was busy and could either meet me then or we could wait until he had more time. He never called, and since then I have seen him (in group situations) and have just behaved professionally. I have only had one personal meeting with him, which he again prolongued and in which he was very warm and friendly towards me and also seemed increasingly relaxed ( I called this meeting to an end as it was getting late) - but I am not sure if he was flirting or not, or just being careful not to cross boundaries whilst still showing that he really likes me. What should I do? He absolutely is not a player - his reputation is that he works extremely hard and it is unusual for him to show an interest in a woman/ that he is a bit of an intellectual 'loner', but highly respected. It is not like we are kids, we are both grown ups, but we obviously can't do anything whilst I am a student even if we wanted to - not only would it go around college like wild fire, I wouldn't want that anyway, I just want to finish my studies first. Do you think he genuinely likes me? Or should I do my best to forget him? I think part of the problem is that, if either of us tries to 'define' what is going on at this stage it might spoil anything happening in future and also just be way too early to say what we want etc. Am I just deluding myself and should I forget him? Or should I hold out hope?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): Thank You! I guess the idea of me being a 'homewrecker' never entered my head because it is so far removed from how I feel - but it should have done because that is one way that I might be perceived.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): I would wait until his offically divorced and you are no longer a student. He has a kid? You don't want to be seen as a homewrecker. Do you want a relationship with that kid? If not move on or wait until the kid is up and out.
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