A
male
age
30-35,
*-Man11208
writes:My now ex girlfriend was one of the loves of my life, and she left me... well let me set up some background first... I'm a Pacifist and only defend myself, whether Verbally or Physically when I need too. I met her a year ago and we started Dating the day BEFORE Valentines day... from there on I was ontop of the world proud as could be, showed her picture to everyone and even shouted her name from my rooftop... literally... about 6... 7 Months in I asked to to marry me... she said yes... we were Young but come on. We were a perfect match, sexually and mentally and at the time emotionally... except... she suffered from PMDD, each month around that time she would explode and start fights with me... and each month we made up because of my fighting, one time she threw me out of my apartment because of a fight... But we made it back together each time... slowly we spoke and we figured out that it was connected to that time of the month and that she had to express her feelings more so there was no build up.I then the summer came, and I was out of work, she was still working... because I had no job I couldn't go to school. so I took up part time work to make us get threw the weeks, with her helping when I couldn't. This worked for a while but then came September... I was out of town, family gathering with the rest of my large family... she called me that night which was Thanksgiving and told me that the week after I asked her to marry me she cheated on me... she said it was because she was scared of commitment. and she was, she had never been in a relationship longer than a year because she was hurt before... She begged for a while to forgive her and I was lost i really was but I forgave her... I started being more Vigilante with everything, I was a bit to aggresive with her...So the Winter came and I toned back my aggrestion and focused it into other things, writing fiction and poems, video games, Music... But she stopped saying "I Love You" when I asked her it was because she wasn't sure that I needed to change for her and be more Aggressive... I faught for a long time spending every Cent I had for her, even going a few days without any real food. to make sure she got a beautiful necklace and ear rings for Christmas... Christmas night we made love for the first time in weeks... she started saying I love you again and all was ok... then in Mid January she stopped again... she again said it was because she wasn't sure we'd make it, that I was to passive... I stop sleeping in our room because I was upset I was sure she cheated again... it felt to horrable to be just me... at the end of the Month she asked me back but wasn't saying those three words... February came and she was still acting funny... so for our Anniversary of the start of our relationship I bought her 20 flowers a of those,a dozen rose. I made her favorite Dinner of Steak, Rice, Beans, Greens, and a Bunch of other stuff while I had a Simple Vegie Rap, because I spent all my money on her meal I didn't have any for me... that night she said I love you and we made out like Animals... exactly one week later she was back to being her regular self... and the Aggressiveness was building up... For a while she got me off Video games and I wasn't writing... so it Built up my only escape my MP3 player... she went raving that I wasn't Aggressive enough and thats why when we fight she walks over me... so I ended it... I felt like I had enough... I walked away but I missed her and let her know that I did miss her but what she did wasn't right any moreLast night we fought and revealed to me that she stopped saying it because she wasn't sure I could Support her and our children and I was "To Passive"... I got mad and yelled at her... I had known her for so long and she wasn't about money and things like that, she wanted a Nice guy... why did she want things that she never wanted, why did she start acting like the people I told her I disliked... I even expressed that the way she was acting was one of the reason that I felt like she was trying to hurt me... yet she uses the excuse that I helped her change so I should change, and be more Aggressive... I don't feel like its the same because what she wants is just for her happiness/amusement, or whatever... while how when I helped her change, it changed her entire life and made her not only address problems better but her PMD fits STOPPED...Am I right for ending this relationship or should I go and fight for her back... I miss her everyday... and it hurts my heart to know I'll never ever have her back
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anniversary, cheated on me, christmas, ex girlfriend, flowers, I love you, money, player, video games Reply to this Question
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male
reader, D-Man11208 +, writes (5 March 2009):
D-Man11208 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank you... I really feel some Support here... Its been a 2 weeks now since we broke up and I'm able to smile again... I'm not able to really be who I want to be but I am being who I need to be... I Thank everyone who Replied to this and helped me out... From the Bottom of my Healing Heart... Thank you
A
female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Hey there
Love is a funny thing - we often love someone even when things are bad and relationships are messed up. We love because we hope that it will get us through all the hard times. But sometimes love on its own is not enough!! A relationship needs other things as well as love - trust, communication, HONESTY and LOYALTY(that means no betrayals), stability and ACCEPTING SOMEONE FOR WHO THEY ARE, NOT IN SPITE OF IT! It seems to me that she was trying to change you into someone you're not - why would you want to be with someone like that?
I know breakups are hard, honey, and sometimes we just want the person back - it's like a drug that's bad for us but we still want it! But the thing is, i think you have definitely made the right decision to get out now! Relationships shouldn't be that much of a rollercoaster and struggle. It's just too much has happened and you shouldn't go back. That thought should fill you with dread because you don't deserve to have to deal with this anymore!
Read back over what you've written in your question and imagine it was your best friend writing to you... Wouldn't you tell him/her to leave the relationship? I know i would...
Let us know how it goes and what you decide to do
xx
N.N
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): When I read your post I got tears in my eyes, I just read a post bout a girl cheating on her man, honestly why is it always the good ones that gets the shit? You were right for ending the relationship, I know it hurts, and it will hurt a lot more, especially when you alone at night in your bed, but you need to remember the pain she has caused, when you helped her change… you didn’t do it with the intention of changing her right???? When you fall in love, you fall for what you see right there in front of you the looks the personality everything you don’t fall in love and say, you can be perfect with some changes… you love the person with their faults with their shortcomings. Have you ever heard that opposites attract? If one is aggressive the other is calm, if one is very neat the other will be messy… its how it works, and you will find that girl, a girl who will appreciate you screaming out her name from your roof, a woman who will smile when she hears your name, a woman who will stand by you and support you in all the decisions you make. Don’t let this girl control you any longer if she has issues, and she cant commit she needs to resolve that on her own, and you can tell her that when she has relized what the two of you had, and is willing to accept you for the amazing man you are (and not the plank she is trying to make you out to be) she can come back and see if you still available. Don’t wait around for her to change coz she most probably wont.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 You were in an abusive relationship. You don't need one. You need to be in a relationnship where you are loved, respected, cared for, and supported, as much as you love, respect, care for, and support her.
There are girls who would love you better out there.
Good luck.
Cat
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Well after reading that it all sounds like a bit of a mess to me, and not a mess you should want to get back into.
She sounds like a girl who has no idea of what she wants in a man and you sound like a guy who has done everything you can for this girl but you get nothing back. She is treating you like a doormat - walking all over you because you wont stand up to her.
But you shouldnt have to stand up to her to make her stop acting like that - if she really loves you then she would never treat you like that in the first place.
You are definately right for ending the relationship and I think you should just stay away from her all together. Cut off all contact and move on, this relationship is bad for the both of you and is clearly destructive. Concentrate on making your own life better (your job, your family and your friends) and eventually the pain you feel now will go away.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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