A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I am 33 years old, married to my schooldays sweetheart since 1998, with 2 boys, aged 4 and 7.Over the last year or so, our sex life has dwindled away to pretty much zero. My wife is almost always real tired at nights, falls asleep around 10pm or thereabouts. She has an iron deficiency which she is taking medication for, and also takes Cilest contraception pill. When we do have sex, it is a bit of a mixed bag, but generally, we enjoy some foreplay (usually she will come) then she jumps on top of me and makes love until we climax. The same ritual has been followed for the last couple of years and to be honest, it is routine, going through the motions stuff at times. I have often suggested being a bit more adventurous I'd love to try using toys on her and me, or perhaps (very) light bondage, just tie and tease really, and a few other not particularly hardcore things.She generally poo-poos any suggestions I have, saying "we don't need to try any of that rubbish" or similar. I actually bought a tiny fingertip vibe at one point to try out, but I touched her with it (not in an intimate place) and she over-reacted and told me to stop, after around 1 second of it touching her! I feel she has issues regarding sex, I am not aware of any childhood problems, and she has only had myself and 1 other partner in her life. What makes this so frustrating is that her sister is almost the exact opposite, she is very nice and is most definitely not promiscuous, but from what my wife tells me, she has a large collection of toys, dressing-up gear etc and loves using them with her long-term partner. I just don't get it (literally!!!)Do you have any advice for me?
View related questions:
foreplay, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sassister  +, writes (28 October 2007):
Have your tried romancing her? If she's tired, and with two boys and being anemic she is, try showing you care about her by taking over part of the load and not stressing the sex part quite to much. Does she like baths? Ever tired filling the tub for her and lighting candles, playing relaxing music, etc? Then have a wonderful mean that you cooked waiting for her? A woman needs the right atmosphere.
About her sister, does she have any kids and is she anemic? I'd guess not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): Iron deficiency? It must be bad case! Anti touch? have you guys been arguing? Unresolved stuff just sitting there? Children, housework pleasing her husband is that all there is to life? Is she bored? Im not saying your not doing your part, but you seem to have some energy to spare. Maybe it wouldnt hurt to look at whats on her plate? Do you and her have special time out together without the kids? Mabey you could make a point of cooking her up a nice steak or heavy meat dish to help with iron and B vitamins that are also crucial for energy. Im sure if you spend some special time together just talking over a meal or going to the movies together she will feel taken care of. Id say if shes tired she may even like a massage that could be a gentle way to get her in the mood. If she doesnt want you to touch her then why not get her a gift voucher to a beauty salon and make her feel worthy of being pampered. But in no way should you bring up the issue so that she feels forced unless you go to a sex therapist who is proffessional in knowing how to spice things up abit! Also take a look at the medication side of things. Has she had the issue since being on it? Does she like music? Take her out for a wild time & make her feel alive! Mabey get a hobby together. Mabey spend a day with the kids alone for her to pick herself up a bit. The biggest turn off is feeling taken for granted. The daily humdrum might be making her idea of her heavenly man all the more distant and she might be getting weary of hoping for it.
If all else fails you may need to look at how shes feeling. Unresolved emotional issues can play a big part in her zest for life. Pay her a sincere compliment often & look her in the eye. Tell her the little things you notice about her that you love. Treat her like a godess and pay her extra special attention without talking or initiating sex. She may not show it but she will notice. If she FEELS attractive to you she will want to prove it to you. It might bring about the amorousness in her. If she is a words lady use words. If she is a touch lady use touch. Find out what she likes. Get into HER world. Share your interests together. If she thinks shes being pressured into wanting want you want she may retreat, or do it and resent you later and want time out from you altogether (speaking from experience). Make sure you are brave enought to try and talk through any issues that may be making her feel distant as women lose their energy if they feel their partner isnt interested in them personally. She may find it all too irresistable and you might have your way 2nite!
...............................
|
