A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright so a month and a half ago my girlfriend of 3 and a half years dumped me for being too obsessive so to say. I posted a question here weeks ago about me wanting to get her back and applying the no contact rule. Well nearly a month has gone by since we last spoke to each other and tonight she finlly initiates contact with me. Pretty much everything is going as expected but now I don't know what to do. The message she wrote me says "I know we said we wouldn't talk to each other, but some things have been bugging me so much and I've been wondering if you've been thinking about me as much as I've been thinking about u."How do I interpret this? Should I look at it as good or bad? I'm nervous about what to say but it could either mean she misses me and wants to get back together or she is just upset about some things in her life and is coming for me for temporary support and comfort, like provide a cushion for her to get over me. Or perhaps she's confused about whether I love her or not and wants reassurance that I do, this way she can reassure herself that I'll just take her back anytime and so she can do whatever. Who really knows. I can't even answer her question cause I don't know how much she's been thinking about me. I do want her back but I don't want to reconcile prematurely. Yet at the same time neither do I want her to have the impression that I'm just over her so she'll just move on and forget me. However I do want to show her that I'm confident and doing fine cause I am, but I just don't want her taking it the wrong way. Obviously she's having a hard time.Wut do I do? She wrote me last night so sometime today I need to get back to her yet I don't know how to respond or even what to think regarding what she said. I need help.
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (17 April 2010):
 I'm sorry I read your question wrong and I thought you said she dumped you for being abusive' I do apologize.
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (17 April 2010):
Have you been to counseling to help you be a real man. If you were abusive and have not taken the classes than you should leave her alone for now take care of your problem first. Once your problem is resolve and your I'm sorry is not because you slapped her in the face, than give her a call and re-kindle your relationship if she decides to give you second chance. Good Luck hope you do get counseling and always remember a real man does not verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse the women he loves,instead He protects her, respects her, and loves her.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (17 April 2010):
 tell her its better to discuss this in person.meet in a coffee shop and tell her ur willing to take her out. Dont be extra nice to her.treat her like a long lost friend.go from there.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (16 April 2010):
Well I say hear her out. Clearly if you were together or 3 1/2 years there are going to be feelings there. Sometimes when there are issues in relationships people need time to get their thoughts straight around them. Don't play games just talk to her. You will find out soon enough is she is just looking for temporary comfort. Or perhaps after this space you both have enough perspective to really talk and work through the issues. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 I am hearing an awful lot about what your ex-girlfriend wants and says and does in your post, and less so about your needs. She dumped you because she claims you were obsessive, she imposes a no-contact rule which she now breaks and you are expected to come running like a needy puppy. I cannot tell you if she needs reassurance from you about your undying love for her, or has realised she has made an error in dumping you. I would hazard a guess that single life is hard for her and she needs someone to tell her how marvelous she is...you just happen to be an easy target for that reassurance. I would say don't reply to her text and see what happens next. If she wants to fight for a relationship with you then she should make a dramatic effort to improve her ways and you should respect yourself enough not to tolerate bad behaviour from her. If you go running to her everytime she needs a pat on the back you risk becoming her doormat to be walked over everytime she is feeling lonely. Tread carefully and remember the relationship ended for some reason - it may seem terribly hard now, but by focusing on her you risk excluding yourself from opportunities to meet other girl's who may not think you are obsessive.
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A
female
reader, terrifenby +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Well have you been thinking about her? Do you want her back? If so tell her! Dont be shy. She got in touch with you. Tell her how you feel. Just dont push her to get back with you, if thats what she wants she will tell you! Good luck and i hope it all works out for you :)
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