She has feelings for women but wants to stay and work on intimacy with me. I think after 15 years of denial she deserves some peace - what do you think?

A male age 51-59, *icjolly1 writes:

I have been in a manogomous relationship with my girlfriend for 15 years. About 10 years ago, she started having very close relationships to straight women. These relationships were very close as in she wouldn't give me the time of day, but lived to be there for these women. I've asked her for years if she was gay, but she always said nothing was wrong. Meanwhile, alot of our resources including money, time, and policy involving raising our children was devoted to what ever woman she was "best friends" with. Everybody kept asking me if she was gay because of the way she attached to these people. Just alittle while ago, she admitted that she has feelings for women and feels bad that the feelings she has for them, she would have to work to have them for me. After 15 years and two kids, I dont want her to have to work at the relationship. She is a wonderful person and has gone through alot. The church says it's wrong, but I refuse to believe that there is something wrong about how she feels. There is nothing wrong with her because she is attracted to women and I don't think a few old white guys that have never gone through what she has are entitled to judge her based on their insecurities. I want her to find herself, but she wants to not persue it and try to "work" on intimacy with me. I feel that after 15 years of dealing with feelings that started before she met me, she is due for some peace. What do you think?

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A female reader, mature teen!   +, writes (8 October 2008):

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