A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my girlfriend about six months ago. I am a very successful professional and she is a single mother with two small children. We come from very different backgrounds, but still, after the first date we were hooked on each other. She would call me and text me so much during the day that it was borderline bothersome. Despite that, it is still very nice to feel wanted and each time I would hear from her it would make me smile. Also, every time we were together when I would have to leave to go home, before I could even get 10 mins down the road she was calling me asking me to come back as she already missed me.Fast forward 3 months and she breaks the news to me that she is pregnant with our child. I was very happy, but at the same time, concerned because we hadn't been together all that long. For the last 3 months, if you do the math, right around the same time she became pregnant. She has treated me like a complete piece of garbage. I am good to her, I am good to her kids, I have never once been mean to her, helped her with bills, taken not just her but also the kids to very nice places, you get the idea. At this point it seems like nothing I do is good enough and I just completely feel unloved and unwanted. She very rarely calls or texts me, when we are together she is distant and acts as if its a burden for me to even be around, she is not affectionate in the slightest and over all it has made me very miserable. I have tried to talk to her several times now and open the lines of communication but it simply does not work. I can write her an email thats several pages long, I can write multiple texts, I have tried to talk to her face to face, and none of these seem to work. She simply will not open up to me and tell me what the problem is. I get a very short response each time and she ends up getting angry when I simply just want to understand. Also, during those first 3 months she couldnt keep her hands off of me. The sex was very often and very wonderful. But it was more than that, she liked to hold my hand, she liked to be close to me, she liked to kiss me all the time, etc etc and now, all of that stuff is a distant memory and never happens anymore and we have only had sex twice in the last 2.5 months. I am really trying to make a serious effort her because I love her and I love the kids, but I am to the point where I do not know what to do and my question is, should I give it more time and take comfort in the fact that its the pregnancy and things will get better? Or should I just cut my losses and leave now so that it will be easier on everyone involved? Yes yes yes I realize that pregnancy is a very involved ordeal to go through and you guys will tell me all the cheap drug store psychology that can be found (and trust me I have read already) on a thousand different websites. My point is, I think it is more than that and I am truly concernd. I just want things to go back to the way they were before and us be happy again, because at one point in time, I had never been happier in my entire life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Another point is that during the first three months of pregnancy women often feel sick as dogs. I was barely able to get out of bed all day long with my first. If your gf has a 5 year old and a 2 year old to care for, plus has to nourish the changes in her body, she is likely to be too f'ing TIRED to want to deal with your (sorry) piddling needs. Actually I feel tired just thinking about having a 5 and 2 year old at the same time.
Give her a break and hope she cheers up in her second trimester.
There have got to be books around for expecting dads that you will give you a better idea of what's going on under the hood before deciding that she's being weird.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Have you asked her point blank why she is trying to drive you away? Keep it short and sweet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): make her feel happy and if she is going to be rude just ignore it and don't let it get to you ok lots of love xoxo Nikki
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Hi there... since your post was not classified as verified writer, people who have already answered will not get a message of follow-up.
If you have another question regarding this issue feel free to post a new question and include new details/update about the situation.
How has everything been going?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Anyone have any other ideas for me? ='(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I have questioned things on more than one occasion, but in the end I have no proof of anything that seems suspcious. I will give you a little more detail on the situation. She is 25, soon to be 26. She has 2 boys ages 5 and 2, both my differet dads and from her description, both very big losers. She claims that prior to meeting me she hasnt been with anyone else in a sexual manner since baby # 2's dad. So well over 2 years. The only thing I have to go on is her word. I have been hurt in the past and as a result I have trust issues. For the most part though, I have not accused her of anything and I have tried my hardest to look at the relationship with an open mind. The dates do line up as far as the fact that we were togehter and were sexually active around the time she became pregnant. I dont see any warning signs that she may be cheating and if she is, she has covered her tracks very well. There are no males in her cell phone other than family members, no mysterious numbers on the caller id, no texts from anyone but her friends and me and on numerous occasions she has left the house for periods of time with both her cell and home phone sitting right there and nothing. Honestly I just dont know. She wants me to marry her, she wants me to buy her and the kids a house, she tells me that she loves me, but again, I just dont get why she has to be this way. It would be different if I was an asshole or mean to her, but im not and I havent been at all. What it boils down to is that I fell in love with the girl she was at the begining of our relationship and had she acted then like she does now, I would have never called back after the first date. If that makes sense. I honestly can not see myself being happy with her if she is going to be this way and act this way indefinately, especially when she will not open up to me and talk to me about what may be on her mind or bothering her. There have been 3 times now over the last 2 months where i have been so very close to just saying fuck it and telling her it was over. However, for the exisitng kids who already call me daddy and for our unborn child I have stuck it out and been extremely patient. I just want the old her back and at this point I dont know what to do........
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A
female
reader, oxxvickixxo  +, writes (11 June 2008):
The first thing that came to my mind whilst reading this is are you sure she wasn't just with you because she knew that you were successful and if she had a child with you she would have to get money etc from you.
I cant be 100% on this but its the way I see it. She used to want sex all the time but now she doesn't! - I see this as shes already got what she wants (her lifetime attachment to you) and now shes not bothered what you both do as she knows financially you will have to support the child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I'll start by saying I've never been pregnant so I can not tell you specifically about pregnancy hormones. But I can tell you about female hormones in general.
I am a psychologist and when I was in my 20's I used to think women used hormones as an excuse for everything. They just made a tantrum about PMS and there it was, everything could be blamed on that.
However, when my periods started to regulate (I was VERY irregular in my 20's), I began to have these unexplainable humor changes. I would be completely happy and then started to cry. I would fight with my boyfriend for closing the door too fast... and I am not talking about a simple argument, I mean crying and sobbing because the door was shut!! LOL And with all my background in psychology I could not explain the mood changes.
My doctor later found out I was having trouble with B-12 deficiency and the Thyroid gland. So these hormonal changes + the PMS was a very difficult ordeal for me and my boyfriend. It was also very difficult for me because I saw how I made him suffer without a reason.
So, all this cheap psychology to refer to isn't so cheap after all. I've heard of women that just get furious with their partners while they are pregnant. They can not see them or talk to them! I can not say if this is true or not as I have not been there... but I would probably wait until she gives birth (a couple of months because of the post-partum depression possibility) and then try to figure out if it really was the pregnancy or if she just changed (you really didn't get to know each other that much before).
I am sure you've had other stable relationships, when you move in with someone, the relationship tends to change and slow down. And, if you add a pregnancy to that... well... you have what you have! LOL. I really hope it works out for you. Keep us posted!
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (11 June 2008):
 The cut-and-run option doesn't really seem practical if she's pregnant with your baby, does it? And that's quite apart from the very real responsibilities you have for her and for the baby.
I think there are two possibilities. One is that you have to re-read all that "cheap drug store psychology" and work with it until everything gets better a while after she has had the baby. The other is that you've been well and truly had by a woman who used you simply to get pregnant and will, presumably, take you for every penny of maintenance she can get.
There aren't too many women who would fit the second possibility, but they do exist and it might be that you have been unlucky enough to find one.
I think the first possibility is really more likely. Blame it all on hormones, keep your head down and your fingers crossed, and give her all the support you possibly can. You'll have to wait a while before you really find out, but it would be terrible to have walked away when she really needs you and then find you had made the most awful mistake. There's every possibility she will become that happy, loving woman she once was.
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A
female
reader, rarghgaafar +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Wow. This story really touched me in a way. I hope the situation improves.
I feel that maybe she is having hormonal issues due to the pregnancy. She may even be bulding up to Post-natal Depression, which is common. Maybe she feels she isn't ready for this baby, but she thinks you are?
I think you shouldn't leave her. At all. And I'm glad that you're unsure wether to leave or not. All I can really suggest is to wait until the child is born and then talk to her.
Again, I hope it improves for you.
x
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 I'm concerned too. If she has shut down like this, it sounds like she is hiding something. Are you sure the dates line up? Is this child yours? Sorry to be a black cloud Hun, but that's the first thing that I thought when I read this.
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