A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend had sex not too long ago and we've realised she is pregnant, the first time this happened she got an abortion. I'm not ready to have a kid right now and she is and I don't want to break her heart again - what do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): You obviously care for your girlfriend, and the idea of unexpected parenthood can be a really scary thing (even married men say so!). There are many resources that can help you with the practical needs you may have (medical, food, clothes, baby stuff, etc.). You're not alone. If you are in the U.S. you can go to optionline.com to find local places that will help you.
As for the "what to do" part... many times, when a guy says "I'll support you in whatever you want to do" many women hear that as "I'm on my own, he won't help". This can cause a lot of strain. This is a life-altering decision (as your girlfriend knows already) and it can't be taken back.
She's already been "heartbroken" (as you put it) over a previous abortion - I would suggest a non-judgmental website for men and women who have been there: http://abortionchangesyou.com. It seems that another abortion would damage your relationship (especially if she felt pressured) and wouldn't ease the difficult she already has with the other abortion.
This is one of those life moments when you get the chance to face something scary, something uncomfortable... but you *can* get through it. Many men and women tell me that their "surprise children" were the best gifts of their life. But you will definitely need support from loved ones. And if they aren't supportive, there are tons of others who will be happy to help you, your girlfriend and your child (optionline.com).
If you need someone to talk with more about this stuff, please email me [email address blocked].
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): please just let her have the baby
and contribute however you can
everything will be alright!!!
you won't regret it
especially if it's a girl
trust me
God will provide for you
I hope you will just do this
it _will_ be okay
This is your chance to 'redeem' what happened last time
tell your parents
and her parents
do it
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A
female
reader, xelax  +, writes (16 October 2008):
You cannot keep resulting to having abortions everytime you decide to have unprotected sex, she aborted one baby that should of taught you both a lesson but obviously didnt, you did wrong ( not that i think pregnancy is wrong) so live with it this time, there are people out there who would give their right arm to have kids and you want to abort a baby everytime your gf gets pregnant, if you're not ready for a baby USE A CONDOM! and plus you may think you're not ready but maybe you may feel different once the baby is born...good luck in whatever you decide, sorry for being so harsh x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Ok...I have to agree with everyone else...have you and your girl ever heard of birth control?? Seriously...you two need to either use something or do nothing or this is going to be a continual cycle...As a woman who had an abortion, I can honestly say its a very very difficult thing for a woman to go through. Please think it over very carefully before telling her you don't want the baby. A man could never fully understand what its like for a woman to do this. I was married, had 2 children already, and my husband and I found out I was pregnant again, and we knew we just couldnt afford another child, so I had an abortion. It didn't matter that I was only 6 weeks along, I knew I was taking a life... It went against everything I had in me, and now almost 23 years later, it still hurts very deeply to think about it. Let her make the decision, and please be a man..if she decides to have it, support her, both emotionally and physically. And if she decides not to have it, again, support her in any way you can. And please dear, use birth control ok? If you don't want children, do something to make sure you don't have them ok? I wish you luck, please let us know what happens ok?
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A
female
reader, PSUVETGIRL +, writes (16 October 2008):
hi iam a girl and if i were your girlfriend i would want to know how you really feel about her being pregnant and how it will affect the rest of your life if she decides to keep the baby, you have to be there for her and let her that you really care. Also next time use a condom you dummy!!jk:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): I am sorry, I am not judging you; but after your experience with the first pregnancy and abortion; my goodness; have you not learned a lesson; how on earth could you allow another pregnancy? Could you not be extra careful? I don't understand? Why were you not more responsible? If you don't want a baby, vow, surely you from experience should know the risk of a pregnancy; I would think you would take extra care and caution; I am sorry I have no advice for you other then......if you cannot be responsible about sex; REFRAIN and ABSTAIN from sex;As for your girlfriend;After an abortion, why was she not more careful? However, you have a moral and financial duty towards her and the child; like it or not; you will have to pay for the rest of your life; "payment for the screwing you got"; may this be a lesson that you NEVER forget; and I repeat, if you cannot be responsible about sex; ABSTAIN.You can hate me for this and rate me zero; You need to realize that having sex is a pregnancy risk and you cannot just opt for abortion as if it is a form of contraception.Sorry, you need to GROW UP.
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