A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 8 months, never had an argument never fought and we were completely honest to each other for the whole time. We trusted each other very well we bond great and its like she is the perfect one for me and I love her very much and Iwant her to be in my life forever... She seems to love my side of the family and I love her side of the family, we bond very well together and every time we all are together we have a blast. Me and my girlfriend we love going out to dinner and going to exotic places together. We also love taking pictiures and posting them on our social media sites and show the world how cute we are.She has many boys come up to her and ask her to be in a realation ship with them and she says no to every single person, she always shows me off and let's them other boys know she's taken but for some odd reason they keep trying to get with her after I already confronted someone. Well one day my girlfriend calls me up crying saying we need to talk in person, she said she got really drunk and had sex with another guy. She was crying her eyes out saying she is so sorry and she doesn't want what we have together to end and neither do I, but I'm kinda stuck at this point, I don't know what to do, I love her so much and I want to forgive her andI probably will, but I want to hear someone else's perspective on the situation. Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2018): To future readers, do not fall for the consensus. It's based on puritanism The Scarlet Letter. There is no happiness in judgment. If this DOES happen to you, check where you stand, and what your interaction with your SO involves. Every interaction is a hint, and that's all.
A
female
reader, just a regular person +, writes (26 December 2014):
Hey there,
I dont know If you've made your decision or if it will make any difference at all. But I had a similar experience. In fact I am the one who slept with another guy when I was drunk. We broke up and after 3 months I was still missing him so much and was even in depression. But Im not saying as an excuse. The thing is when I got drunk I had no idea the guy would take advantage, and have sex. Of course this is stupid. But that experience probably have made her not make that mistake ever again. If you really love her, and most importantly, if she loves you so much why bother? Its not like she "loved" the another guy, it was just a mistake. I am thinking If you really love her, dont ever separate.Its not worth it. Think about you are weighing her on one side and her mistake on the another. She did not go for it, she did not want to cheat on you(I wouldnt actually call it cheating in fact), and she just had a bad luck one day which obviously did hurt you. It probably is hard for you to forgive. But I just think that breaking up is not going to solve anything. Just forgive. Your life, you gotta keep whatever you want to keep and step away from whatever is not worthwhile. And that accident is accident, just a mistake. And If you made your decision can you share what happened? I am dying to know what people do, guys ever forgive after sometime, or is there anything I could do to make him forgive me.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014): I'm embarrassed to say I cheated on my ex when I was drunk. I was the same and begged forgiveness, but I had cheated because I made a DECISION to cheat. Maybe not as simply as that, but I put myself in a position where my inhibitions were lowered by alcohol and I accepted the advances of another boy. I would NEVER cheat on my now boyfriend. I love him very much and if I get hit on when I'm out, I say straight away I have a boyfriend and move away. I would not even consider it. Why did I consider it with my ex? Because ultimately, I just didn't love him enough. Maybe someone else has a lovely story of being able to get over cheating, but we couldn't and I don't know many people who have. This is in no way about you and is NOT your fault, but with me, cheating was a symptom of unhappiness in my relationship and it could be in yours too. If I were you, I would end it now. Because she'll either cheat again or you'll break up further down the line for other reasons.Chin up, you'll find someone else you love as much who will remain faithful.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (21 May 2014):
 I disagree that "cheaters will always be cheaters".. I believe they will change and will stop, question is whether they decide to stop cheating while in this relationship or in the next relationship...
I've never cheated on anyone and I don't really drink and never been so drunk that I don't know what I'm doing.. so I can't tell you if it's possible for her to be so drunk that she's unaware of herself having sex with someone else.. maybe someone spiked her drink, etc.
Regardless, only you know if you are able to forgive her and allow her to regain your trust.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 She probably told you before somebody else did, gave her story first.
I would ditch her or you will end up being her doormat until she goes off with somebody else for good.
If you get out now you will still have your pride and your heart will mend.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (21 May 2014):
 Hmmm sorry but the way your describe, and perceive, your relationship makes it sound far too perfect. I think you have both acted out a fantasy of being the perfect couple and maybe lost sight of the reality behind the situation.
Nobody is perfect and all couples argue and have disagreements. In fact its a healthy part of a relationship as if both people in a relationship never, ever disagree or argue it means one is trying too hard to please and hiding their true emotions or feelings.
An attractive young woman will always get attention from met. If she is taken she will have a stock response to get rid of him. However men will flock around a woman who provokes and entices. Whatever the whys and wherefores she has cheated, put your health at risk and betrayed you. if drunk would she really be absolutely sure protection was used and used correctly? Hardly. If this guy will have sex with her when drunk, he will no doubt have slept with other drunken women.
Ask yourself: why would she cheat if everything was so chocolate box pretty and wonderful? Clearly she has acted the role of Miss Perfect when the reality is somewhat different.
"We also love taking pictures and posting them on our social media sites and show the world how cute we are."
I thinks that's the issue here. The two of you have spent so long trying to show the world how happy, perfect and amazing your relationship is that you have lost sight of the fact it wasn't really like that. Im sorry if it hurts to be told this but I think you need a reality check.
Once a cheat always a cheat. This could be forgiven, but not forgotten and if she is going out drinking in future, or going out clubbing or to bars where men will be looking for women, how will you feel then?
Mark
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): Yep, forgive her and take her back. . .if you want her to do it again later down the line. I don't get why people give drunk cheaters a pass? Have you never been drunk before? Have you ever felt so drunk that you forgot you were in a relationship? Have you been so shit-faced that during the ENTIRE act of sex, you didn't once think "Maybe this is a bad idea"?I've been drunk before. I REMEMBER being hit on by girls AND KNEW that I was in a relationship. I've been drunk to the point where I would randomly pass out. I don't EVER recall a time where I was drunk and I completely forgot I had a girlfriend. My point is, she knew EXACTLY what she was doing, she only chose to ignore the fact that she was taken. Her calling you and shedding crocodile tears could be due to a number of things. Maybe the guy threatened to tell you first so she decided to put on an act and beat him to it. Maybe she realized you would eventually find out so she jumped in front of the train to put herself in the best light she possibly could. Maybe she just wanted to see what she could get away with. . . just to try it again next time. Or maybe she wasn't drunk at all but she knew you'll find out she cheated and the only possible excuse she could rationally give, is being drunk. The fact of it is, she WILL do it again. You can fool yourself into thinking it will never happen again but now you've proven to her that you have no respect for yourself. She now knows that she can walk all over you and you would be too soft to kick her out the door. Now she can have her cake and eat it too. Don't buy her excuses, you're being played. Being drunk is never an excuse for cheating. It's people like you that keep buying these excuses that let cheaters think it's a good way to get a pass. Drunk cheating is still cheating and both of them would land you dumped in my world. Something tells me you're too soft to make that hard choice, and you'll take her back knowing full well you can never trust her again. I guess you'll choose to learn the hard way why you can never stay with a cheater. Take her back and I promise you, she'll DEFINITELY cheat again. There's nothing better than having a partner naive enough to believe bullshit because they're too afraid to face the truth.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 Shes bad news. I agree with anonymous about men approaching is not out of the blue. She clearly has her temptations and she finally gave into one. People know how they react to alcohol and shes no exception. She should have known better. You sound soft and vulnerable. Lose this attitude with women immediately. They see it as unmasculine and will walk all over you. My instinct says shes not 100% honest with you about how she thinks about the relationship. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (21 May 2014):
Surely this isn't the first time she is drunk, so she possible knew how she would act. Did she tell you right away or after a while? You could try again, though remember that the trust is completely gone and it will take a long time to rebuild it. Also, knowing that your girlfriend cheated on you will possible stay on your mind a long while.
It is your call, let her go or try again. My opinion? Break up, once a cheater always a cheater.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 Things can never be quite as hunky-dory as they seem, do they? Things cant be picture perfect and you cant be the "perfect" couple and then one fine day poof...your girlfriend sleeps with someone else. Nope. I'm not buying this. You're giving us your side of the story. Maybe you *thought* that things were perfect. Maybe you imagined that she was honest and loving when the reality was different.I'll tell you something. Guys don't really go for a woman who's taken unless the woman herself has given them / is giving them the impression that she's available or looking for some fun. Your girlfriend has *deliberately* provoked guys into thinking that she's available for a relationship and/or sex because guys don't just walk up to strange girls or even their friends out of the blue and ask to be in a relationship with them or proposition them for sex, when they know that the girl has a boyfriend. "...for some odd reason they keep trying to get with her after I already confronted someone." Look at your own words OP. The "odd reason" is your girlfriend herself. SHE is the reason why they keep approaching her. Have you ever heard of someone getting hit on deliberately just like this? Neither have I. Your "perfect" girlfriend was playing you all along. She had the "perfect" facade for a "perfect" relationship when in reality she was stringing other guys all along and I bet there are other guys she's slept with, not just this one.Its up to you now. Do you want to be naive and believe that this woman got drunk, slipped and fell on someone's penis? Because if you do, then only you are to be blamed for your foolishness. Get rid of this woman. Now.
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