A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend and I met at university and have been going out for just over a year. We were really good friends for a while before taking that next, daunting step into a relationship.I am in real need of some advice. Although we have only known each other for about 18 months (only being in the same part of the country for 10 months) we are to face the next 2 years apart. My girlfriend is leaving to spend 15 months abroad, and then on her return I will be moving to a different city as part of my degree. This seems such a impossible amount of time to spend apart when I have only known her for such a short time, and we barely see each other as it is, due to our conflicting schedules.I love her, there is no question about it, but at just 19 I am petrified about that day when I have to say the hardest words of my short life. Goodbye. I dont want to hold her back; more than anything I want her to have the best time of her life travelling, and if that meant letting her go to forget about me then I would do it. I could never forgive myself if she missed out on somebody special because of some loyalty to me. I truly beleive that wherever you go you should go with all your heart.I worry constantly about how I will miss her when she leaves in a few weeks. it feels like I am being punished for something, taking away my love just as I found her. Is it selfish for me to keep hold of her when she could prosper without me holding her back?. Would it be less painful for me to let her go and reflect positiviely on the time we spent together? (Although just thinking about leaving her makes me choke) Or do I risk spending the next 2 years of my life missing the woman I love with the hope that one day she lands herself on my doorstep never to leave again? Thanks, from confused and worried.
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female
reader, LittleTwoLegs  +, writes (30 March 2007):
 Hey there--wow, sounds like a lot of stress your putting yourself through! I hope that this is not on your mind so much right now and that you're able to enjoy this time you have with her NOW instead of worrying about the "what ifs" of the future.So a two year seperation is in the cards...and you are only 19? While I can say that going abroad and sticking with my boyfriend for those four months was probably the most rewarding decision of my life, I can also say that it was sometimes gruelling to not have him there, physically with me. It's one thing getting use to a long-distance relationship, it's another thing entirely getting use to being back together as a normal couple.The very first thing you need to do is talk to her and see what her feelings about it are. It's SO important that this is a decision you two make together and not of your own minds. Best of luck in whatever you agree on, but my advise would be, seeing how two years is a VERY long time and you may not see each other for the duration, is to drop formalities and when the time comes just offer support for one another and be the best of friends you can be. This doesn't mean you can't love her just as much, but after awhile the oppression of knowing your "love" is on the other side of the earth will eat at not only your emotional welfare but at your relationship. Don't hold yourself off on loving others. Two years is a very long time, and yes people do change.I'm sorry to say that this is going to be hard for the both of you no matter what the decision, but I think if you drop titles (i.e. single, taken, etc) and just accept your feelings for what they are and the reality of the situation for what it is, things will go a lot smoother. Never feel like you're holding yourself back, and always keep communication open no matter what it is.
A
female
reader, travelgal +, writes (26 March 2007):
 Hey confused and worried :)
Although I have yet to be in your situation, I know what you're going through, because many of my friends have gone through the same dilema.
First you should talk this over with her. Remember that this is her choice as well. If she says she would still like to stay together, then is there any way you two would be able to visit one another while away? Nowadays it's so much easier to keep in touch via Skype and just the internet in general. But I really only recommend this if you both are serious about one another, because...
You are young. However, that doesn't mean you two aren't meant for each other. Perhaps this is meant to be a test in your relationship. Maybe during the upcoming 15 months you both will meet someone more than you could hope for. It's a risky choice, BUT, I believe if you guys are truly meant for one another, you should live your lives as you wish (date other people- doesn't have to be serious- during the time you're apart to see if you can have an equally or better relationship with someone else), and at the end upon her return, you guys will still want to be with one another, despite anything that had happened during your time apart.
15 months is also a long time for a person to change- especially if she's going overseas. That's not to say she will be a completely different person, but living abroad does affect a lot of people's way of thinking, perspective on life.
First and foremost you should talk to her and see what she wants, and then move on from there. It is also her decision, and if you both agree to stay together, then that's wonderful, and remember Skype is a wonderful resource when used with a webcam, but also remember that if she chooses to break it off, respect that. There's no need in trying to talk her into staying in the relationship if she'd rather not- because in the end you'll be hurting yourself.
I hope I made sense. Let me know how it works out. I wish you all the best. :)
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