A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. The whole time, she would get these random text messages from an unsaved phone number. It turns out it is a person (an X for lack of a better term) she had a fling with (before me), and found out he was married - ad called it off. About 2 months ago, I proposed to her. The other night she got a late text. (these texts are a simple "hello"). she claims to not reply. I asked her, If you dont reply or call, why would he keep texting, 3+ years later? she says she wants to be able to call in a favor in case something comes up (he is a cop) I feel more and more uncomfortable with this whenever I think about it. I am not worried about loosing her, I just dont think there is room for a "text friend" from the past in a relationship, especially a serious one. Should I feel this way? is it "healthy" to keep this texting (maybe calling) business going on? is it worth loosing the "connection"?Thank you
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, smithtown2010 +, writes (22 December 2008):
You should feel this way. I think text messaging has created an obstacle to fining real trust in a relationship. in fact, I feel the same about FACEBOOK, TWITTER, etc.
Temptation has always been outthere. Now its everywhere.
A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 You definitely have every right to be concerned, this girl is completely full of it.
No one continuously texts simple little messages like that over a 3 year period and gets no reply! Does she honestly think you're that stupid?
Obviously, she's keeping him in her pocket as her "just in case" boy - just in case, things don't work out; she wants one more fling before she gets married; she decides to run back to him before the wedding.
I would ask her to stop. Explain to her how uncomfortable it makes you to keep for her to keep in contact, there is no real reason for her to still be texting him after all these years and even though you trust her ( which I must commend you for) you think it would be best for them to stop talking.
If she doesn't comply or gets overly defensive, I would consider postponing the wedding until this issue is settled.
Hope this helps!
xo
...............................
A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (8 July 2008):
 her explanation is just like the other poster said BULL**** she is keeping him on the rebound so if things so go sour with you she can run back to him
now is the time to tell her look its either our relationship or this guy no if ands or buts she has to choose and if she tries to munipulate you into thinking its not what you think well its a lie
she needs to let go of this guy or she will not truly be committed to you and she would have just been a waste of your time
...............................
A
female
reader, concerned88 +, writes (8 July 2008):
alright, my fiance had a problem with me being friends with my ex (my first love). trust is a very important part in any relationship. if you trust her then let her be friends. if something is going on it will eventually come out. it seems like you dont trust her. i know its a hard thing to get used to but you cant be her "boss" and tell her who she can and cant talk to. it took a few months for my fiance to get used to me talking to and being friends with my ex. she just has to be very honest with you, is it a friendship or a safty net if you and her were to not work out. communication and trust is key.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Her explanation is total bulls**t. She's keeping him on a string in case she wants a fling. In case she needs an ego boost. In case things don't work out between the two of you. In case she gets cold feet about the wedding and wants one more roll in the hay before tying the knot. In case she gets bored and needs a sexual escape. Nope, nope, nope, it's not appropriate and it needs to stop. And no, he wouldn't be texting her 3 years later if she never responded. She responds, just not when you're around. No good can come of this, whatever-she-wants-to-call it. I think she has retained him as a f*ck-buddy. It's time to cut the tie with this guy. It's either you or him. And if she refuses, I'd postpone the wedding.
...............................
A
female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (8 July 2008):
 If you are uncomfortable with this "x" texting her, you should just let her know. I don't really know if someone would be texting 3 years later if they never got a response. She obviously is hiding something from you. Let her know how you feel about this situation and if she respected you enough, she'll lose all contact with this individual.
Good Luck!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Leo the Capricorn +, writes (7 July 2008):
To be honest she is her own person and she is going to do what ever she wants regardless if you know about it or not. It's her right.You have no say or no control over that. If you love her that much and the trust is there then stick with it but be perpared for what ever. If it was you getting texts or phone calls late in the evening then be perpared to sleep on the couch.
...............................
A
male
reader, rproctor +, writes (7 July 2008):
Hi, in my opinion she should give it up. Especially if you have shown disinterest in this subject. If you guys are in a serious, committed, monogamous relationship then there really is not any reason for her to keep contact with an x (bf, fling, ons or any other type of intimate friendship). I delt with this before, and its bs.
...............................
A
female
reader, diva210 +, writes (7 July 2008):
The answer is no, it is not healthy for her to text an ex.
My boyfriend was caught texting his ex, and to this day I am filled with insecurities about his stupid phone. He claimed to not talk to her frequently and that he felt sorry for her (since he supposedly was not a good boyfriend and he felt guilty).
All I know is, if it bothers you, ask for her to stop. I'm not going to promise you that you won't still be worried. She shouldn't have a problem with it. Especially if the ex is married.
If you are cool with her being in contact with an ex, then more power to you. Let me know how you do it because the whole texting incident has made me into a jealous, insecure person- someone that I don't enjoy being and I never was like this before.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Brianna +, writes (7 July 2008):
I believe that if she truely loved you something as simple as giving up texting a person that she doesnt talk to (so she says) should not be an issue. this has happened with my BF and I and I totally stopped talking the the people he wasnt comfortable with because he comes first to me.
...............................
|
