A
male
age
30-35,
*idfromLA93
writes:I feel so betrayed and being used, my world fell apart from one moment to another and my heart is in pain. Not a long while ago i met this girl we had excellent eye contact and i got into a conversation with her in a really good way , then we became friends and i was hanging around with her all the time in school , i always gave her compliments and in our first conversation i told her she was cute and asked her if she wants to hang around with me and she said yes , in the whole time we were hanging around she gave me signs and she asked if i am single , i was incredibly happy to hear that , so i thought that means i have green light , now the brake came in and i asked her for her phone number and she gave it to me and i talked with her everyday on the phone , because we have a break now in school , once i call her and talk to her and ask her on a date she says then that she has a boyfriend already , i was shocked hearing that and did not know an answer to that , so i did go on and acted like nothing happened and asked her questions about the guy , how old he is and how long they been together? , she answers he is 20 years old and they been for some months together , then i asked her where did you met him ? then she said in the church and she never would date somebody outside of her religion. She is 15 christian and i am 17 no religion i got no chance against the other guy , because he lives alone has a car and i don't have any of that so thats it. I put so much energy and effort into getting to know her and she stole my heart since the moment i met her , i even wrote a poem for her which i wanted to give her on our first date, but its worthless like everything else. I feel so stupid and used , i have no idea how to handle this situation and how to let it go , thats for sure that i will not talk to her anymore, similar things like that happened to me before , but it never hit me so close like this one.I said to my self at the beginning no matter what happens , I will have learned something from it. Its extremely hard to let go the pain i have right now. So did i do something wrong ? How can i forget about it ? How can i prevent events like that ?If someone would help me i would really appreciate it. Thank you.
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a break, christian, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 What can you do , my friend. That's life. These things happen, and happen to the best of us. There are players, and there are playerettes.
Actually I don't think,though, that she was callously out to make a fool out of you , or to break your heart. I think maybe, like many girls ( and women ) she loves male attention, and being sought after makes her feel good. She probably thinks that ,as long as there is no kissing or more involved, it's all pretty innocent and nobody gets hurt ( which, alas, is often not true ). Or,
more simply, she just honestly and truly thought you wanted to hang out as friends, and getting to know her better to establish a good friendship.
Cheer up. Time is on your side- I think at your age you won't stay heart broken too long, and pretty soon some new interest may catch your eye, and heart.
How do you prevent the repetition of this episode ? There are not set rules, unfortunately. Life experience helps and counts, -you go by trial and error and in time you learn to screen out flakers, attention seekers, and time wasters. Also,perhaps it's better to ask the "are you single ?" question - or getting informations from common acquaintances - before you ask a girl out, not after; that saves time. Moreover, I think the key is being cautiously optimistic, meaning, confiding that you have the potential to attract the girl of your choice, why not ?,- but waiting for very strong and clear signals before thinking the deal is done and the feelings are mutual. We tend to see what we want to see, everybody, even people much older than you, so we tend to read too much in a smile or a kind word, or a friendly hug. It's called wishful thinking.
Now stop obsessing about what's happened- you'll have better luck next time !
A
female
reader, braveheart79  +, writes (6 September 2010):
hi
It sould like she was with this guy well before u came on in the picture. it sounds to me that she really likes u as a friend and i think that because u never asked her out on a date stright away she probably just thought u guys where just friends and nothing more she probably dose'nt even know that u like her in that way. i think that ur relationship should'nt suffer cause of this cause u seem to get on really well and if u stay friend and she see what a great guy u are u never know maybe down the line u guys will probaby hit it off. I hope this has help in some way
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