A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a question/scenario. Here is your chance to give some good advice to a confused man. I had been dating this girl for about 4 months. Everything thing was going FANTASTIC! I played it cool - didn’t try to rush anything - Just had the most amazing time together. I came over a couple of days ago and she did a complete 180 on me and said it was not working for her anymore. That’s fine, we all go through it – Here is my question: She also told me that when she realized that she loved me - she realized that she could not be in a committed relationship. How do you take that? What do you do about it? Should you do anything? She said she was in basic panic mode and felt uncomfortable in any relationship. She had been single for 6 yrs before she met me. Any advice here is good and appreciated. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Sorry to be answering so late.
Just a thought, even though I agree with most the other posters, and that you must protect your interests to a degree, she may just be very hurt by a previous experience.
Everyone else is saying to leave her, and I agree that is the best course of action with you in perspective, but I would like to say that I was like that girl once.
A previous "friend" had hurt me so badly emotionally that I was afraid to trust anyone, and the moment I felt myself getting attached to someone I would get horribly scared and start pulling away. It wasn't that I didn't want a relationship...I wanted one very much so, it was just what the guy before had left in my mind kept getting in the way.
I did find a guy friend after that, and he stayed with me. I told him that I might be a little shielded because of what had happened, and a few months into it I did freak, even just being close friends with him. But he stayed, and talked me through everything and told me he wouldn't leave, and he coaxed me out of my shell. How would I have felt if he had left me just because I had some walls because of something that had happend in my life? It would have hurt me so much more, to have that repeated.
That said...every case is different, just remember that by trying to help someone you may just be their saving grace.
This guy was mine. He's helping me grow.
Make sure you can talk to her about why she's behaving this way, because if you can't be open, you can't work things out. If she's struggling to talk but trying, reassure her and stay there for her.
Best of luck!
A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 Its is possible that she could have been hurt in her previous relationship and is scared of getting hurt again.She said that she loves you, I think she could have some feelings for you and is scared that this relationship could end up the same way her last relationship ended. You should say to her that she should talk about this issue with you and that she should try and learn how to trust you in order to gain confidence again for a new relationship.this is only one po9ssible scenario.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (19 November 2008):
 If she is giving mixed signals and you realize that, you are lucky to know this soon. Irish49 is correct. When someone wants to be with you, they will do everything they can to be with you.
There could be thousands of reasons she is backing off. Why spend time and energy trying to figure it out? Just tell her nicely to contact you another time when she knows what she wants and don't waste another precious moment trying to convince her you are the one.
If she contacts you next time and gives you the same run around, that is going to be how it always will be with her.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): My advice..try not to date such complicated, baggage riddled women, anymore. Listen, this could just be me, but when humans (men/women) fall in love with another human, they do absolutely everything in their power to stay with that beloved, they really, really want to commit, they never leave their side. I feel this woman may have scammed you and didn't tell you her true feelings. She wanted out of it, and she eased the blow by coming up with a ridiculous line of bullcrap. Plain and Simple.
Take heart and don't be confused any longer. Just be very smart and selective in the future and when a woman says, "I love you but I want to dump you'...know that she is indeed, feeding you a line. Her heart is just not into it. . Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the way I see it. Good luck hun and take care!
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