A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi allThis is going to be a long post, props to those who take the time to read it. :)Me and my gf have been together for 18 months now. We had our ups and downs, as most couples, for the most part we solved our issies, but there is one problem that exists since the beginning and doesn't seem to want to go away. It is sex. The situation is complex so let me tell you about my gf a little first. She is 25, just finished her study at the unviversity, atm she is looking for a job, but since her mom doesn't let her sit home doing nothing, she hes to study again (something she really dislikes) for 3 years or until she finds a decent job. She's not getting along with her mom very well, they fight a lot (or more like, her mom is yelling at her a lot) and she wants to get away from home as soon as she can. On top of this, she has health issues, they are not serious but still annoying, especially the regularry returning yeast infection. As you can pobably guess shes stressed almost all the time, I try to help her with everyting and I support her as much as I possibly can.We never had much sex, not even in the beginning, twice a week if I was lucky, once a month if I wasn't. It doesn't seem to be all that important to her, or her sex drive is very low compared to mine.(even though she says she finds me very attractive and fantasize about us having sex often) I was always patient with her hoping it would get better as our life gets on track, but even when shes going through a good period, the sex remains the same. I initiate a lot, massage her, please her for hours, she enjoys it very much, but won't have sex with me. There is always an excuse, like shes net feeling perfect down there at the moment, shes "dirty" because she didn't shower, or we don't have enough time. It's like she loves the foreplay and needs it multiple times a day, but does not want whats comes next. Sometimes she let's me please her orally (wich she always enjoy and have an orgasm), but she rarely return it. I'm not asking her to do it cause it's only good if she actually wants to do it and not because I asked her. I asked her why she's so passive, she said she isn't. I don't know what to make of this answer...If it finally comes to sex, its usually not very intresting, she wants to do it in the same position all the time (supposedly that is giving her the most pleasure) and only in the bedroom. It gets boring after a while. She reaches orgasm 90% of the time, and I know for a fact she enjoys having sex. Then why doesn't she want to do it more?There are two thing that I can think of. Since the first of our "love makings" she always experince a little pain even when shes soaking wet. It is probably because of the infection. It only lasts for secounds, is it possible that it's enough for her to not wanting sex? The other I can think of is her religious background. Shes not as religious as she used to be, but she still has these (in my opinion) false ideals of sex should be done only if the circumstances are perfect cause sex is somehow "sacred", for example, a quick round before work without hours of foreplay is a no no.As I said I was ALWAYS patient with her, never forced to do anything. More then once she said how grateful she is because I stayed beside her all this time even though her countless problems. I don't want to leave her, we love each other. On the other hand, I'm horny all the time, my sex drive is driving me crazy, I even thought about using escorts. (I did it before I met her, I know it's not like having sex with someone I love) I don't know what to do, or what to say to her. (tried talking with her before, didn't really led anywhere) But I know somethings needs to change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers.
She is spending the week with her parents, but the next week I will have a long talk with her. I will also tell her about the antibiotics and the other stuff you guys recommended.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (5 September 2013):
 All the antibiotics are certainly the reason for the recurring yeast infection.
Taking Vitamin B12 and Vitamin B6 tablets whilst on antibiotics can help considerably in maintaining normal gut flora, so can drinking a probiotic drink each day.
Thrush usually starts in the bowel when our helpful bacteria are killed off by antibiotics.
The above can help reduce the numbers that are killed and assist the bowel to replace the lost ones quicker.
Over washing and the use of soaps and shower gels in the vaginal area are to be avoided. Gently washing with just clean water twice a day is sufficient to keep this area clean, fresh and odourless.
Antibiotics should NOT be prescribed for colds. Colds are caused by viruses and do not respond to antibiotics (which are to treat bacterial infection). Overuse is also dangerous because you build a resistance to them meaning they won't work when you really do them.
Colds should only be treated symptomatically. Take over the counter cold and flu preparations to relieve the symptoms and then just ride it out. Most colds only last 7-10 days max anyway.
This will improve her health and strengthen the immune system.
It is useless receiving treatment for yourself until your girlfriend is totally clear. Only then can you be treated. Once you're both clear then you can resume intimacy. If she flares up again you must wait again until she's clear then be treated. The frequency of flare ups should reduce or be totally eliminated if you follow this advice.
Avoiding sugar is a good idea too.
If, when she is well, her libido is still poor (as you've stated) then you'll just have to accept that that is how she is and you either accept that or move on.
Hope this helps AB x
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (5 September 2013):
 You might want to read up on over-use of antibiotics. Taking antibiotics for colds is worse than useless -- colds are viral infections, against which antibiotics are totally ineffective. Over-use promotes antibiotic resistance.
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A
female
reader, ModelCitizen +, writes (5 September 2013):
I totally agree with the others. If she has a reoccurring yeast infection I'm not surprised she is never in the mood. It's itchy, painful, uncomfortable and yucky, so the last thing she will want is anyone going down there while she feels like that. It doesn't exactly make you feel sexy. This needs to be dealt with and the sex needs to stop until it is. At the moment you probably have it too (I believe a lot of guys are symptomless) and it will be passing between you both while you continue to have sex. So both of you to the doctors first of all.However, it concerns me that her sex drive has always been like this. It is possible then, that her libido is just much lower than yours and always will be. Just because she enjoys sex doesn't mean she will want it as much as you do. She may feel satisfied with the amount you have and is refusing because she's not in the mood as often.It's also very likely that what you describe as 'foreplay' she sees as 'affection'. Giving her a massage after a hard day is probably something she enjoys, but because it relaxes her not because she wants to take it any further. This is something that is hugely different between men and women. You see it as the pre game warm up and she sees it as the main event.It also sounds to me like she could be nervous and/or self conscious about sexual things too. I never used to give oral because I had no idea what to do and I was scared I'd mess it up. My current boyfriend helped me lots with that by actually asking me what he wanted and showing me how he liked it. Now I sometimes go down on him without him even asking when I'd never have done that before. Remember she isn't a mind reader and you do have the right to ask for what you want too. If she's not sexually assertive, maybe that's what she needs to begin with?Whatever the reason, this really is something you need to talk about. It's not uncommon for couples to have differing sex drives, so communication is needed to allow both people to have their say and explain what their needs are. It will also allow you to work out whether a compromise can be reached or if you are simply not compatible. One thing is for sure though - escorts are not the answer. If you love and respect your girlfriend at all you will work it out with her instead of cheating and ignoring the problem. All the best to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHiThanks for aswering!We live a healthy life, personal hygiene is not an issue for either of us. She showers every day and shes very careful not to catch anything. Actually I believe this is the exact reason (her extreme hygiene) why her immune system is so weak, and tht is why she catches infections so easily. We have been to gynecologist's more times then I can count, they diagnosed yeast infection as well as candidae at one point. She usually gets atibiotics, wich might help with the infection, but they are further weakening her immune system, so he has to use vaginal (PH) cones all the time. She easily catches cold too, that means even more antibiotics. I am also treated for infections from time to time, to make sure I dont infect her back. As you can see, we are doing everything (and did everything for the past 18 months) we can to get her better, she doesn't even eat any sugar anymore to help eleminate the infection once and for all. Besides this, as I mentioned earlier, she had better periods, when she felt good the infection seemd to be cured, but her libido was just as bad as before. :(
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (5 September 2013):
Are you sure she has a yeast infection? Has she seen a doctor?
Yeast infections are not always easily treated and, due to an imbalance of healthy bacteria in the bowel and vaginal canal changing the vaginal Ph (acidity),they can recur in some women quite frequently.
Thrush causes a white, often odourless but very itchy discharge which can make penetration painful and sex uncomfortable. Because her immune system will be constantly trying to fight this infection she will probably have a very low sex drive.
It might be possible that she has been misdiagnosed and has a different kind of infection like Bacterial Vaginosis (this has a slightly fishy odour), again usually easily treated.
Antibiotics can treat BV but (ironically) can cause thrush.
Neither of these are a sexually transmitted diseases (she hasn't been messing about) but if you have had sex with her, without a condom you may well harbour the bacteria in your penis and be re-infecting her each time you make love.
You would need to be treated too. If you do use condoms her discomfort and recurring inflammation may be worsened by a latex allergy.
She really needs to see a doctor first and foremost and you both need to get this infection totally cleared before you embark on any sexual practice (especially oral sex as you can get it in your mouth too)
Once she is properly better, see how sex goes.
Things may well improve when she feels better (she may not realise how low she is until she's well because she's had this infection such a long time)
If things don't improve, you need to discuss this with her and if she's happy with her sex life you may just have to accept that she has a naturally low libido and will never match your need. If she realises there are issues she may need counselling to explore them.
Going to escorts is not the answer. You need to work at this relationship, sort out the health and emotional issues and then if it's not working consider moving on, but cheating is never the answer.
Good Luck AB x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): First, I have to address the issue about her recurrent yeast infections. That shouldn't be occurring.
I don't know if you have socialized-medicine where you are, or if she has available healthcare insurance; but DO NOT perform oral sex while she has an active infection. Either of you. There may be cross-infection.
She needs to see a gynecologist to determine why she is having so many infections. Sex will not be comfortable, and it could be a health-risk. That means it may not be safe for either of you. In fact, you can reinfect her. She needs proper medical-care, and she may be able to enjoy sex more frequently; certainly, more comfortably.
If you are uncircumcised, you might be one of the reasons she is being reinfected. The foreskin can hold bacteria and yeast. That will cause vaginal and bladder infections in women.
It isn't just up to her to checked and treated. It is important for both of you to get complete physical exams to make sure there are no STD's being exchanged between you.
People are often given antibiotics for infections and my not take the complete dosage, or ingest alcohol while taken their prescription. You have to follow doctor's instructions and you have to take the medicine until it is all gone.
Recurrent yeast infections can cause damage to her reproductive system. There are often other co-infections like chlamydia, that often create a awful feminine odor and discharge. If you know nothing about this, you can spread it to other women and back to her. I hope you aren't cheating on her.
Personal hygiene is very important. Sometimes the water supply in some countries is not properly or adequately treated, and people may be prone to infections of the intestinal and urinary tracts. I don't mean to scare you, only to inform you; so you will act without delay.
To say she is "dirty" down there, isn't far from the truth, and until she determines what her feminine problems are; she may need to abstain from oral sex or penetration. She should wipe from front to back to make sure she is staying clean. No insult is intended here. Some women don't know any better. They wipe from back to front. That isn't good for feminine hygiene. It's not clean.
You both should shower before sex every time.
Sometimes it's just a matter of poor hygiene, but there may be another type of infection at play. The frequency of infection is fairly suspect. I don't know what country you are from.
I strongly suggest safe-sex. That means the use of condoms at all times. I also suggest that you both find a free health-clinic, and both be tested before you continue any further intercourse.
I don't care what advice you get from any other aunt, this is a health issue; and I urge you to followup on it.
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