A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:While working as an online volunteer, I gradually formed a long distance romantic relationship with a co-volunteer. I’d known the woman professionally for a couple of years and developed great respect and admiration for her. However, we live 2000 miles apart and have never met in person. We’ve spent hours together daily via telephone and Messenger, exchanged pics, and gifts. We have lots in common and have had many serious talks about a long term relationship and relocation. I have no doubts about her background, credibility, marital status or sincerity. But she’s adamant that she doesn’t want to begin a physical relationship until she’s has had a tummy tuck completed. The problem is that the surgery date keeps getting postponed due to a chronic respiratory ailment. (2 years and counting). No amount of reassuring on my part can make her change her mind about this. We care deeply about each other and I can’t imagine us not clicking in person, but the waiting is taking its toll. Suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to those folks who responded to my query. The various perspectives will give me a chance to further reflect on the issue and look at it from different angles, not just my own. Keep up the good work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): Your girlfriend's feelings are totally justified and natural. The first time my boyfriend saw me naked I was terrified he'd be turned off because I have a bit of extra baggage in the stomach area but he really wasn't! Obviously the fact that you have never met in person is difficult because you cannot be there physically to reassure her in that sense. when you say she doesn't want to be in a 'physical' relationship yet, does that mean sexual or just meeting up for a meal? You could suggest something like going over and meeting her but staying the night in a hotel rather than at hers, so she doesn't feel forced to share a bed with you. Hopefully her inhibitions will be eased, though it may well not be until her tummy tuck- in which case, hopefully you can wait for each other good luck :)
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A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Just because you all meet, doesn't mean you have to have a physical relationship. I am interpreting "physical" to mean sexual.
If she doesn't want to MEET until her tummy tuck and it's been over 2 years that your online relationship has been going on, I think that's suspicious.
I would surprise her with a visit to put aside her fears about body flaws. Plus, then you'll know if she's hiding something.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): i can understand her feelings. if you don't love your body, even if you accept that others will, it's still... i guess i feel it's still not good to base a physical relationship on. i don't think we have to love everything about ourselves, despite that everyone says it's healthy. if you woulnd't be attracted to body fat on someone else, why would you want it on yourself?
i would simply suggest you push meeting in person, platonically, and then going from there. she'll probably loosen up a bit when she realizes your still attracted to her. and help her be the person she wants to be, while always loving the person she is.
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A
female
reader, Felina  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Hi!Well I trully understand your concerns.However,as you know,us wemen,we are very sensitive about our body.Many of us find most man very physical,very visual,and maybe she´s woried you may find her tummy ugly or unfit,and that will make her feel insecure about herself.
Ofcourse a relationship is not,and should not be based on physical attraction and sex,but it is a very important ingridient for happyness and balanced life for a couple.So maybe,because you havent had sex yet,she´s woried you may not find her attractive,and just wants to feel there is no reason for that,so that´s why she wants to have her tummy done first.
Do wait for her to be ready,whith or without the surgery.I dont doubt she´s interested and has feelings for you.She just wants to be perfect for you.Us wemen need to feel beautiful in the mirror to be able to have sexual contact with men.This is what I think.
Good luck and be patient.Bye!
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