A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend likes to go to clubs to dance with her girlfriends and i know she wont dance with any guys. Heres what bothers me though, I dont like her getting all scantily clad and going into a predatory environment. Guys at clubs want to grind there bodies all over girls and possibly take something home. I dont like that my girlfriend would be okay with putting herself into those situations even though it really hurts my feelings. I wouldnt go some place (strip club) where girls would be touching me, but her love of dance is more important than how i feel. I dont mind her going to a party or hanging out whatever but i feel clubs are for single people. What should i do, its really bothering me and she doesnt seem to care? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): If she doesn't care she's getting something from going there that she's not getting with you. She's making a choice and you're not it.
You have several options - go with her and do this together, or break up, or get over your insecurity and let her go alone.
Ideally, you two would be more on the same wavelength on this, but that's not the case...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Sounds to me like you two are both at different stages in life and have different values. As a female in her 30's I am not interested in clubs where I will get unwanted attention - when you are in a relationship it can get pretty uncomfortable. She is not wrong to want to dress nicely and go out with friends but dressing scantily and going clubbing is different. Clubbing is often about finding someone to dance with, flirting etc etc but the older you get, and also when you are in a stable relationship the whole idea becomes pretty boring. You start to see it for what it is - a bit of a meat market. It might be that all this is about attention seeking or wanting to feel attractive to others - to have still 'got it' in the eyes of other men? If she knows it upsets you then it is hard to understand why she would continue to do it? There are other ways she could fulfil her love of dance - going to classes for example. Or maybe you could both take up Salsa? I agree with the other post - maybe its time to take a trip along with your girlfriend to a club.... perhaps this will give her a wake up call that it just doesn't fit with being in a respectful relationship. If she refuses then I guess she enjoys being away from you and it could be time to re-consider your relationship.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Why not go with her to the club?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Sorry no advice. People who are partiers never get a date from me. It's like I wear a shirt with the prints: Don't talk to me if you are a partier. She's too old to not understand your concerns. The guys at the clubs are innocent. Unless your girlfriend flashes her wedding ring, they are going to assume she's single/unattached. At clubs, both women and men are predatory. Hence the term cougars.
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