A
male
age
36-40,
*esseENG
writes:There's this girl I've known since I was little and deeply care for and respect. This weekend all our friends went to a party and we came back to my place drunk. We slept on my bed and did pretty much everything except sex. I feel so guilty I don't know why I did it because I would never want to hurt her and I feel like such a worthless piece of s___. In our drunken discussions beforehand she was telling me how she trusts me and i told her i would protect her when she drinks. I guess this is more of a confession in an attempt to ease my guilt...typical selfish attitude right. And to boot this girl has been raped before so I'm sure I just had some ungodly impact on her...I probably just messed up her sense of trust and worth in one damn night. Have any of you ever experienced something like this? I hate it and I am seriously thinking about end of life. I just can't seem to see myself as worthy to live for having done something so...gah ultimately selfish...evil...to someone else that I love and care for. In a way i think I deserve to die, even though she did consent to what we did. But she was drunk... but she always comes to sleep in my bed when we drink...I just can't bare it. I feel that I've betrayed her. The ultimate betrayal
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female
reader, PreciousNY +, writes (5 May 2008):
Have you spoken to her about that night? Is she upset with you for it? I don't think you have to beat yourself up over this and I don't think what happened was so terrible. You both wanted to do it and it happened. Talk to her and tell her how upset you are over what happened....I'm sure she isn't upset at all.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 The big lesson is that you should make sure that none of you has drunk too much to make things move into a grey area.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): So "everything except sex" means no oral sex and no intercourse, right?
There is no reason to drive your self crazy over this. You were both drunk and had some fun sharing together. You didn't have sex, and anything past this is not harmful. You both maybe embarrassed, but maybe it was meant to happen.
You won't know until you talk to her. Explain that you feel guilty about the other night, though you care for her allot and enjoyed the moment. Allow her to respond, don't take over the conversation.
It may not be an issue, and your getting yourself all worked up. The feelings you mentioned about dying is only because of the pain you feel in your heart or head. So refrain from thinking about something you don't have any control over. Talk with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): wow, you sound like an amazing friend. Stop beating yourself up over this.
I was raped too, once, and while it changes your life and messes you up totally, it doesnt always mean that you can never have a fun, casual sexual encounter!
Secondly, the biggest thing I can say to you is TALK to her. The worst thing in the world is doing something drunkenly with a good friend and then loosing them because you both feel too akward, leave it, and avoid eachother.
Perhaps you want a relationship with her? Or she wants one with you? Even if you dont get together, you can still be best friends. Just keep habging out and talking and make sure she knows that you dont expect anything else from her if she doesnt want it...
hope this helps, hope it all works out!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Don't you think about killing yourself again! Everybody does foolish things when they're drunk. I don't think you even did anything wrong. It's obvious that she did nothing you forced her to do. Because you are upset and asking for advice i know that you're not a guy who treats girls with no respect. Why don't you ask her out on a date? You 2 both seam to have feelings for each other.
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