A
male
age
30-35,
*irgin89
writes:ok so i'm not virgin i've been with many girls in high school but i started dating a girl that i've been with for over a year now and we just recently started fooling around bc she's a virgin.. i've got 2 questions.. 1 when i finger her it doesn't hurt anymore but she says she gets no pleasure out of it. only from me rubbing on her clit.. am i doing something wrong? 2 she has no experience like she's only kissed guys before me.. she trys to return the favor after she gets off but she doesn't know what she's doing and it hurts more then it's enjoyable.. how do i get the right way across to her without telling her she's doing it wrong or without making her feel bad? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Misti Hdz +, writes (5 May 2008):
 I agree with Tisha, women don't get alot of enjoyment from just fingering it's all in the clit. So try to mess with both. As for your other problem, me as a female, Iactually get turned on by my man telling me exactly what to do step-by-step in the bed. You don't tell her she's not doing it right, that's a major no-no. Instead consider that she is a virgin, and not as expierenced as other girls, and try to teach her how to do it. One idea. one night have her teach you just how to do her, and the next night vice versa, and it will be teaching the both of you in a non-offensive way.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Hi, lots of girls get very little pleasure through fingers in their vagina alone. The clitoris is her main pleasure center, just as your penis is yours. Keep that in mind.
You should be feeling comfortable enough with her to be able to tell her what pleases you, just as she should be able to tell you what feels good to her. Make it fun! Don't pressure her into things she doesn't want to do, but try to talk with her gently and with a sense of humor too. You have lots of time to get to know each other better, right?
I'd also suggest you take a look at some of DoubleM's answers, he has lots of information on how to please women included in his previous answers.
I wrote an article a couple of days ago, here's the link to that. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/advice-to-young-men-about-young-women.html
But the key to this is good communication. Show each other what pleases you, talk about it, in a calm, caring way. You're on the right track, I think, because you cared enough to post the question here, and I think you'll do just fine, if you're patient and willing to learn! Good luck, have fun, and safe sex, always!
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A
female
reader, auds  +, writes (5 May 2008):
hey dude.
don't worry, about the finger part. you're not doing anything wrong.
and don't tell her its wrong, direct her what to do gently, encourage exploration and then praise her if she's doing it right, and say that you like it! she'll make no mistakes in no time (: oh, and if she's still doing it wrong, tell her things like 'move here more' and 'keep practicing'.
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