A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi,i have been trying for a baby for 7 years but nothing happened so the docter decided that we do some test mine was fine bur it turned out my husband cant have kids and theres nothing that can be done his sperm count is too low no treatment can help him,its been a month after this but he refuses to talk about it he tells me he belives that the docter is lying and his family say so too everyone thinks the docter is lying i dont know what to do,he told me we are not going to adopt and using someones sperm is no option i dont know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): It will take time for him to adjust and then he will need to go for testicle based extractions
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 It is a common reaction for the man in such a situation to refuse to believe there is no hope, and to continue to think that surely he must have just that one sperm that will do the job.
This isn't really the case, because even if he has one, all the millions of others around it that are either not alive, or are swimming in circles, not viable, etc, will get in the way. It really is like saying will a teensy speck not even visible to the eye manage against all odds ... no, it won't.
However, there are possibilities. Men who have literally almost zero viable sperm production have had kids by having a procedure where the viable sperm are extracted direct from the testicles, and then the IXSY procedure is performed - they don't just put the sperm in the petri dish with the ovule and let nature take its course, by they actually chose one sperm and put it into the ovule, to make sure it gets in there. And in that way, the egg is often fertilised.
So, you need to ask about that. It is what can be done for men with practically no sperm count. It will be expensive, of course, but it is possible. So there is hope, if you have the staying power.
But first your guy needs to accept you need help.
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A
female
reader, EccentricOrbit +, writes (28 May 2011):
 It's quite clear your husband is in self-denial at this stage in time. The fact that he cannot produce a child has probably belittled his self-esteem as a man and made a massive impact on his ego.
I sincerely doubt that the doctor was lying or the test was false, however, if it possibly helps him to come to terms with this, make another appointment with a different doctor and have him re-tested just to confirm it and provide him with no excuses for putting this subject off.
If I were you, I'd implore him to sit and talk about it. I have the deepest sympathy for both you and your husband at this time and the difficult situation you're going through but you need to make him realise that this cannot be pushed to the side and forgotten about. Tell him how he's hurting you by doing this and remind him that he's also hurting himself.
I'd suggest that you research deeply into adoption and artificial insemination so you have a deeper understanding that you can share with him to hopefully help him realise there is nothing wrong with these pathways. A child is a child and they need love whether it's from their "parents" or not. A parent in my eyes is the person who looks out for the wellbeing of a child, loves their child unconditionally and is always there for them.
Perhaps it might be reasonable to see a counsellor. Your husband could go alone or you could go together to resolve the issues and get to the heart of the problem and help him come to terms with the situation. Reality is, unless he understands the finality of the sperm-count, he is never going to accept the fact he cannot father a child.
Nobody expects you do deal with this alone, sweetheart. It's a very sensitive subject amongst men (and women, in different cases) and for you to tackle it alone will seem impossible, especially with his family constantly giving him more hope and belief the doctor is wrong.
My suggestion would be to get a second opinion on the sperm count and then, when the results come back, talk to him. Suggest the counselling if you feel it's appropriate and know that you're in my best wishes.
Support him. Even though he's refusing to talk about it, I'd say he'll be cut up inside.
All the best and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 He's allowing his ego to get in the way of doing what's right for both of you, not just satisfying his ego. Some men feel like less of a man if they are told their sperm count is low. Also due to his fear that you might consider being artifically inseminated, he's going to extremes. But you should not rule out adoption. That would not be fair to you, and you should not settle for this arrangement. Perhaps you need to have him re-tested at another physician's office (the test could be wrong, but I seriously doubt the doctor is lying). If it still comes back with the same results, he may need counseling to deal with it. Just don't allow him to make this choice for both of you, trust me if you want children you will eventually get them one way or another, and he might rather adopt than later find out his wife had an affair and got pregnant!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Your husband is in complete denial. You need to try your best to be there for him at the moment, am sure it has came as a big blow to him that he cannot father children and am sure it has effected his confidence and self belief as a man. He doesn't want to accept the truth therefore he is trying to make excuses. Try and get him to talk about it and ask him what he wants to see happen in the future. Try and be sympathetic with him.
If he wants the opinion of a second doctor well then why not make an appointment with another doctor. It might help him accept things and also give you another opinion. Try and talk openly and see what he feels your options are. I understand that it will be hard for him to accept that he cannot father children but he cannot punish you because of this so talk to him and suggest you both get a second opinion. Good Luck.
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