A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been dating this older lady (8yrs older) in a long distance relationship for approx 6mos me in l.a. she in n.y., now her spouse past about 7-8yrs ago and her mother passing a year ago. now she had relationships but one only lasting about 1 1/2yrs. now on holidays, birthdays, father's day etc. she visits her deceased spouse and mother. everythings was going well until this past father's day she was nowhere arround and couldn't get in contact with her until much later that night finally got in touch but she was mourning her husband death that was ok i can deal with that but then on the anniversary of her mother death she changed and just fell apart. now she wants space from the relationship. i tried phoning her to get better understanding but she seem to get more irritated. we talked everyday me checking up on her and she returns my call most of the time. she told me that she was going to visit her friend out of state to see her preach (i know of this friend but never met her) she stated that she will talk to me in a few days (maybe) when she returns she stated that she needs time and space but its probably a done deal. the funny thing is that in the first few months of our relationship she was heavly favoring marriage i mean she would take me to look for wedding rings the whole 9 yards, i wanted to but wanted to prepare for the move (her and son) from east coast to west coast her son would be attending college within a year so that gave me plenty of time. but now its over (maybe). i don't know what happened she claims that her mothers death anniversary has taken its toll on her and she now realized that she is not ready for a relationship and sorry for ruining my life. i really care for her and is broken hearted. i need your help or opinion or something. sign mr west coast.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): I really cant say what the deal is with the shopping for rings..now a change of heart.. at the time she probably was serious but when she went to visit this "friend" she put on the breaks.. I doesnt take a rocket scientist to know whats happening... I am a woman and the one thing that a woman wants more than anything is to have a mans comfort when it feels like the world is crashing down around you. She obviously got comfort in someone closer.She said she needs space.. she apologized for breaking your heart. Now you just need to move on.. LIFE IS TOO SHORT to ponder over what could have been..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): Hi, I think she is conflicted about how serious you are about your long distance relationship for one, and I think the anniversary of her mother's passing makes her realize how short life really is, and she is still grieving.
You need to give her some time and space, but since she has expressed grief to you, had you thought of sending her a nice bouquet of flowers with a card expressing your love and support for her?
These kinds of actions and gestures often speak louder than words to a woman, words come cheap, but your actions tell her what is most likely in your heart....if you care for her and want her, you need to let her know, I don't think it sounds like she doesn't care for you, but is just pushing you away out of fear that her feelings are not returned in kind...just a hunch.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 July 2007):
 Mr. West Coast,
I can only speculate about what went on here. But, my guess is, the anniversary did mean something for her, but I don't think it was her mother's. You don't leave a lover because your mother died, do you?
Women test men. So, when she was talking about the wedding ring, maybe you thought you had plenty of time to get ready to have her with you, but she might have taken this to mean you were not that much into her. Who knows.
My advice is, give her time and space. You never get anywhere if you try to push things. What I would do is say something like "I love you and here I am if you need me. You keep me puzzled with this, but I don't think my help would be appreciated, so, you know where to contact me". Something like this. And do it, man. Don't give in to the sadness and the pain. Stay the course.
If she doesn't contact you in a given period of time, which only you can define, move on.
Hope this helps.
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