A
male
age
36-40,
*rocessserver84
writes:I have a question that I need someone else's opinion on:I met a woman online and we been on several dates. She tells me that she loves me and wants to be with me (I figured a little early but what the hell)She lives with her grandmother who doesn't allow any man in the house because of her strong beliefs.She also says that she takes care of her.She's also going to school for nursing.My problem is that a lot of times when I schedule dates, she would stand me up and then when I call her and ask about it, she says that she had to do something with her grandmother. I said okay call me when you get done. A few hours later....no phone call or text so I call her back and she tells me that she's in bed and she will hit me up tommorrow. This has happened several times including today and yesterday. Her other excuses are that she's helping her aunt with something or the one that really pissed me off was that she went out with her friends instead of me (her boyfriend)I've also seen her online on the dating site we met from. She claims that she has only friends on there.Yesterday I decided that if she didn't show again that I was going to leave her. (You guessed it, she didn't show up) so just to mess with her a little bit, I kept calling her phone over and over again until she answered. She kept saying later, later, later. So then she asked me if we could break it off. I said to her that that's all I wanted to hear. Then she text me asking if we could at least be friends and I told her F*** No and told her that I don't be friends with ex-girlfriends. Then she said she wanted to work this out and that she said that she still loves me and that will never fade. Then I said that she can have 1 more chance and after that I'm going to pull the plug.Today again, she made plans for me to meet her at the mall and again she had to do ther stuff.My question is what do I do? I really like this woman and she claims that she loves me and wants to stay with me. I don't really want to leave her but I don't know what else to do.
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Im surprised you haven't died of sheer boredom? This flaky girlfriend of yours but you cant really call her that...is messing you about.She does not love you,she likes the thought of you chasing her,and then letting you down...You told her it was finished and then she changed her mind because she wanted you to still pursue her...and its the same old merry go round yet again....with you ending up with nothing but empty promises. Walk away from this dead end relationship and meet someone else who does want to be with you...because YOU ARE GREAT!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Obvious : you pull the plug. Because this is what you had said you were going to do.
Mean what you say, and say what you mean.
Don't think your flexibility would be rewarded, it would just confirm her that basically she does not need to respect you, since you are not gonna go anywhere regardless, and she would take ample adavantage of that.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 This is the honeymoon stage of dating... you're supposed to want to see each other. If this is what she's like now, it'd likely only get much worse down the track.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Are you sure she has a boyfriend or are you guessing?
It sounds like her parents are out of the picture so she has to fill in and do everything for her family. You might be the only comfort, the only fun aspect in her life. Her busyness does not give her the right to disrespect you, to put you in a corner. Maybe she grew up feeling that being nice means sacrificing whatever you have to help out other needy people, and that the other partner should just understand that. Since you don't have a problem in life, you are not really a friend there is no urgency to see you. Love is more than a feeling, it's also a decision to move on or let go. Tell her if she really loves you she needs to treat you more as a priority. You may be too different to move past your issues. The love may not be strong enough to make that compromise to change for the other.
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