A
male
age
41-50,
*odster007
writes:I`m becoming very frustrated with my girlfriend and its getting me down with the way shes acting at times. i dont know what to do and my patience is running thin but i love her to bits and deep down i dont want to break up with her, we`ve been going out for 10 months. since we were at school she has always fancied me like crazy and in our younger years slept together a few times. she wanted us to get together but nothing came of it as i didnt want a relationship at the time and enjoyed just being single and one of the lads.Years pass anyway and we saw each other out, there was still chemisty there and got along great then she started going out of her way to "bump into me" on nights out. we ended up getting closer together and kissing when we were out and her saying she wasnt happy in her relationship and wanted to be with me and even had sex with me while she was with him.i asked her out on a couple of dates but always cancelled because of her being with somebody. i told her this and she ended up breaking their engagement and kicking him out of her house, they`d been seeing each other on off for 5 years and sure enough we got together. i dont think she had time to get over him propely as every now and then (happpened about 4 times now) when shes a bit upset or gets a text off him, hes known about me when they were going out and knew she always liked me but he sends texts that knows will upset her like he`s seeing someone else, those kind so she`ll think about him and get her to question who she wants to be with. then gets all distant and wont speak to me or gets nasty if i try and get close to her or call round to try talk about it. i know she talking to him in that space. then in a week or so she comes back to me says sorry and its me she wants to be with. Me being the nice guy always says its ok and everything will work out.things are fine for long periods when he hasnt text or whatever then it happens again out of the blue. its wierd tho cause only last week she sold her engagement ring off him to show me shes moving on and getting over him. the thing is i think she does get that little bit further everytime cause its doesnt happen as often as it did when we first got together. this is the first girl ive ever properly loved or got on with so well when things are right between us but this kills me. do i just give her space and leave her be, give her an ultimatum, or just try and get over her and leave her to it? i`d find leaving her very difficult because i know she loves me too. its sort of like she cant let go of her ex but knows she wants to be with me. help!!!
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female
reader, artistical_bumblebee +, writes (1 February 2008):
 my stars she is confused madamne isn't she? but then you kind of are too honey. you need to give her some time apart let her figure out who she truely loves and if it is not you , you should find hope and faith in knowing that there is someone out there who can love you more , with all the love you deserve that she never gave you. love is something noone can define i would hate to say leave her because if your love is genuine it will unfold itself. but she needs some boundaries do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you this way? brings you back and forth in a relationship? one of my friends like you his gf cheated on him because she had feelings for some other guy and they were together for eleven months at the end of the day he had to assert himself because the pain of her was becoming unbearable. i think you should reevaluate what you think of yourself. you may love her but love is not always enough. it does hurt love always hurts it always will do regardless of who you choose to love but the thing is with love you can move on. you seem to really care about her it is so easy to say i love you because in our society people say i love you to people they just met. give her time, give yourself time you both need some *me* time to heal she needs to get over her ex if she is to be with you and you need to get over the pain only then can you both be together if that is where destiny lies.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): Don't you want a woman whose heart beats for you and only you? Seems to me like you need to give each other some space. Let her clear her head on her own because obviously she can't do it while she is with you. It's not only fair for her....but most importantly you. It seems like you really like her, but I would think you would want to experience love and a relationship without other men in the back of her mind.
I know it's hard to be patient but everything will pan out to the way it is supposed to be. My Fiance and I were on and off since 9th grade in high school and we're still working out the kinks between us and our pasts when we weren't together. If you give her a break and she decides she wants the other guy, then you know you made the right decision.
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