A
male
age
41-50,
*.G.D
writes:iv'e been seeing this girl now for nearly two years and its fantastic, but there one slight problem she lives with another man. We are and were good friends and there was always a chemistry between us and on a night out it all came flooding out, how we both felt etc. It started off as just fun, but it soon progressed into something more, now we see each other 6 times a week we go out to see films, meals, or just to mine for a dvd and takeaway, we have even been on weekends away together, we txt day and night and i mean from 10-12 every day even when we have been with each other for the day or evening. Iv'e had birthday and christmas gifts off her even gifts for no reason. She values us as in a relationship but not official yet?! she say she wants to leave her fella by this year and us to be together too,she says she not slept with hime for over one and a half years now too, they never go out and she say that her relationship is dead it just like having a house mate living with him the reason she cant go is because of money and she says shes looking for another job to leave him. Were both in love with each other and she said she has never felt like this before towards anyone and wants to marry me and be with me forever, which i feel the same about her but i feel that the longer it goes on her not leaving him, the less chance that we will be together, iv'e said that it has to be this year and she agrees too bu i carnt see it happerning, i feel so tempted at times to blow us out the water but i think id be a fool to myself and lose her, any advice please thanks
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female
reader, cincinnatichocolate  +, writes (4 July 2010):
Sorry to tell you this but you need to leave her alone. How can she say she can not leave him for the money but wants to marry you? Do you not work? If she gets with you then there is her second income, you two will combine. So the story she tells you about money makes no since. I am with a guy whom I want to leave but money is a main reason why I wont but I also dont have another guy on the side whom I want to marry and who also wants to marry me. Trust me honey, she is trying to have her cake and eat it too! And dont for one second think that her and her HUSBAND has not had sex in a year and a half.......not if shes only 35, wouldnt no man go for that without thinking that she is cheating on him or unless he is cheating on her, but even if a man cheats he will still come home and have sex with his wife just because and or to not look suspicious. They may not have sex as much but a year and a half. GET AWAY FROM HER BECAUSE SHE IS OBVIOUSLY A LIAR AND A CHEATER AND FROM EXPERIENCE CHEATERS CANT BE TRUSTED!!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): You need to leave her. I had a relationship with a coworker of mine that I wish I never got involved. 5 years ago we started out as friends and 3 years ago she told me she had feelings for me. I told her since she was married with 5 year old son as well we could never go beyond friends. She pleaded and pleaded telling me all along to take a chance and how much she wanted to leave her husband to be with me. I grew attached to her and gave in to her affection. We fell in love and I told her I wanted to be with her as well. For 3 years years she promised and promised she would be with me but kept saying money was what was stopping her. I didn't want to beleive money would ever stop me from being with as she called me "her true love and soul mate"! Well, up until last week I was ready to move on with my life when I found out she was screwing around with another coworker 8 years younger than her (I am 36 and she is35)! I was devastated as this was going on for over 3 months while I was holding out for her and not seeing other women while she was married!!! Get out while you can! You will save yourself from much more pain! If it was meant to be it will happen by itself.
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A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Men have done this before they say what they want to make the lover happy, they manipulate the situation, and have there cake and eat it too. Why would you think that women are different she is playing you and her husband. If she really wanted you she would have been with you and left her husband, but she hasn't and I don't think she will. She had plenty of opportunity to leave him but she is using the money as a escape goat, I mean really have you told her you won't help her out financially. She is not an independent women if she depends in her fella money, so if her man won't give her the money are you willing to. Its all a lie and sorry but you keep on falling in the same net of lies over and over again. She is playing with both you and her man and I think she should get dump by both of you and be and struggle on her own.
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A
male
reader, S.G.D +, writes (13 April 2010):
S.G.D is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your comment, its really good advice and its things that ive thought too about the whole thing, when i do quiz her etc she has actually cried saying she dont want to lose me andshe doing her best to get out which makes you want to hold on in hope like anyone would, it getting to a point now were when we go out in a group of friends its becoming obvious and people are starting to talk, for example she will get a taxi from my house! or like two weeks ago she tried to kiss me infront of all our friends like she wants to be caught.
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A
female
reader, sweetspicy +, writes (13 April 2010):
 I was always told the best things in life are worth waiting for. Since you are her friend and dont want her to depend on this guy for the rest of her life why dont you try and help her to become a little more independent so she can rely on herself. Ask her what kind of job she is looking for and see if you can find one for her. I personally hate waiting for anything, is it possible that she is just stringing you along for some extra pleasure? Some woman will gold dig allowing them to get where and what they want, possibly using you for effection and using him for money who knows maybe her next door nieghbor is doing her laundry for her. I know its hard to tell if she is using you and playing with your emotions also you could try testing her honesty to see if she would lie to you. If she lies to you about one thing then why wouldnt she lie to you about your relationship. Hope some of these ideas will help you with a decision.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Does this other fella of hers know about the two of you? Are they married? Listen, you went into a relationship you shouldn't have gone into in the first place. Two years into it and she still hasn't left this other man. She is cheating on him (asuming that this other man doesnt accept/know about your relationship), as well as stringing you along. I do not doubt that she cares about you a whole lot, but she cares about herself more. Why does she not leave this other man? Is he suppoting her finacially, or has she just gotten used to having lots of money? She has to decide, money or love, and she already decided for the money. Now she is trying to have it all, and you have accepted to half of a relationship with her. She is not yours to loose yet, because she never left this other man. I am sorry that this is hard to hear and you don't want to hear it, but it is true. You can't see anything happening yet because nothing is happening. You've been with her for two years already, and why would she leave this man when she can have the house she lives in, his money, and you as well? I don't want to believe she is a bad person at all, but she needs to give herself a kick in the butt and get out of there, or she is the one who will be loosing you. You can try and wait this year out, but don't get your hopes up. A good rule to follow is to always end one relationship before starting another. If I was you, I think I would pressure the issue even more and tell her that if she has not gotten herself out by the end of a month I'd leave. She can find a job at McDonalds for all I care, she needs to get a grip and get a job and not string you along any further.
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