A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I had a texting fling with a younger woman and my wife seems to class it as 'cheating' even though it was a daft game which has all finished now. I stupidly left some of the texts on my phone and she found them (should she have been snooping?). It was never meant to put our marriage at risk and she was not meant to be hurt as I never dreamt she would discover them. I told her it would soon have fizzled out anyway and that it certainly went no further than flirty texts and innuendo but she just won't let it go. It is going on for 12 months now and although I decline to talk about it as I feel very guilty and want to put it behind us or how can we move on? it is still causing her mood swings and I sometimes get the sulky treatment. I have assured her I love her and show it in every way I can, as I always have done. Don't you think after over 30 years of marriage this one slip up should be forgiven, particularly as it was her cold shoulder treatment for a couple of years that triggered my behaviour in the first place.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): maybe this would help shed some light on how she feels;
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-you-consider-it-cheating-if-your-husband.html
think about it, and talk to her about her feelings.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): she is hurting still, you betrayed her and broke the trust she had for you. If you love her and do not want to lose her then you will talk to her and let her know that these silly texts were the biggest mistake you made, that they meant nothing, and you never ever want to lose her or risk that ever again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Face it, you have been caught with your pants down. She is not going to believe you only text the women for 12months because you don’t want to talk about it. All you want to do is forget it ever happened.
Well it happened and you need to TALK. You need to answer all the questions she asks no matter how guilty you feel or how stupid her questions are. You crossed the line and for what texting a younger women. At the moment your assurance of love means nothing to your wife, you were text f***king. Now that I have slapped your wrists .TALK TALK TALK it’s not going to go away. She will ask the same questions over and over again be supportive. JUST TALK
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A
female
reader, Auntie Jez +, writes (24 February 2009):
Hi thereWhy is it that when a man is unhappy with his marriage he does not just try to fix it? Why bother flirting with someone else? I guess she made you feel good and you enjoyed the attention. What is harmless to you is a big deal to your wife. Remember YOU know what happened SHE doesn't... She does not know what really happened...in her imagination anything could have been going on between you and this other woman. And the other woman is younger too. She is obviously very upset and insecure about this and will need as long as it takes to get it out of her system. every woman is different.You could try marriage guidance as you were already having problems or have a non confrontational talk with her...bring the subject up and genuinely tell her how sorry you are....you dont want to loose her...it was a moment of madness etc but dont bet on a quick fix.I hope she forgives you, personally if I were in her shoes I'd be mad too!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Thats the way my husband started out too, but he ended up wanting to know what the w___e on the other end could really do with his genetalia the curiosity got the better of him, and he had an affair....So now we are trying to work things out..but you know what really stings are the words he said to her the sweet nothings that he stopped saying to me. That was hurtful seeing my husband calling another woman "baby this and baby that" its hard to know the person you love is loving someone else..makes me realize he was not the man of my dreams...thought he was for the last 18 years
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 damluvaam's right, what may have seemed like a harmless game to you was devastating to your wife. That fact that you don't want to talk about it, because you feel so guilty, also makes me think you knew it was wrong while you were doing it, so basically think it was cheating too. And don't be blaming your wife for your own decisions, did you talk to her about her "cold shoulder", I'll bet not. Time to suck it up Buddy and take your punishment like a man and not a whining little boy. You will need to reassure her constantly and keep it up, she'll get over it in time as long as you keep your nose clean.
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