A
male
age
41-50,
*RUSTRATED07
writes:Does she still love me? I am 24 and my gf is 21. We have been together for 2 1/2 years off and on. we have a child together and she also has an older child. the last break up we had was very bad and since then i have been trying my hardest to get her back. She claims she needs more time, but its like we are still together but we dont have that title. i just made a big commitment to her by buying her an 18K promise ring. she has been bugging me for a ring since the beginning and now she wont commit to me.does she still love me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, stina +, writes (16 May 2007):
 Hello Frustrated,
Since you are both broken up for the time being, it seems to me that maybe she is irritated that *now* is the time you chose to buy the ring instead of when you two were actually together. And coupled with the fact that you only bought it for her after she begged you is not at all romantic - in fact, she may find it rather insulting. Plus she may find it insulting that you would try to win her back with jewelry - like what matters to her most in life should be material possessions. You call yourself "frustrated," but I think that's how your on/off again girlfriend feels, as well. Of course, this is just my take on things. (That's how I would feel.)
I think right now it would be best to just talk about things with her. Ask her what would make her happy. Tell her what's on your mind. But whatever you do, don't turn it into a shouting match. If things get too heated, just tell her that you don't want to have an argument and you respect her enough to wait until you are both ready to talk about such an important issue. It won't be lying and it will save you from feeling angry and even more frustrated.
Let things between you two cool off a bit. Obviously this doesn't mean being any less a part of your children's lives. But doing anything you can to show that you care for her and for her kids is a step in the right direction. Do little things around the house, take care of the kids for a while so she can go out, show her some sort of affection - just don't smother her. And I would not buy her anything else, because it may just set her off again. You don't want to annoy her anymore. I know when I've gotten in arguments with my husband and he shows up with flowers, I think to myself "So since you bought me flowers, that makes everything okay?" I would rather just talk and work things out. Do you understand what I mean? Perhaps your girlfriend is the same way.
So be there, but don't smother her. Talk about things, but don't get in arguments. All relationships have bad patches. The key is to work together to get through them.
Take care.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (16 May 2007):
 She may still love you, but if she will not accept the ring, it could mean two things. She does not see you as the guy she wants to be with long term, or she just needs to know that you will not abandon her, yet maintain your dominant nature during the relationship. My guess is that she started to see someone else (or more) during your break up, and wants to see where it goes, before cutting off her options. Get a paternaty test to make sure the child is yours. No woman that is in love with a man, would refuse his ring.
-FBK
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (15 May 2007):
 Your details on what has happened in your relationship are rather sketchy.
So you are 24 and your gf is 21 and she has already had 2 children, wow she has done a lot for a girl of her age.
How old are both of these children? Your child holds you together and so you feel a huge bond with your gf because of your child and that is natural.
You got together at quite a young age and you are still both growing up so from what you say there has been a break up and you have done everything you can to get her back including buying her an expensive PROMISE ring, is that as we would call it an engagement ring or something different?
You have shown her by buying this ring that you are committed to her but how long ago was this break up and is she scared to make a mistake at the moment or does she just need a little bit more time?
The best thing I can see right now is just be a fantastic dad and show her that you support her in every way and by seeing that in you she will appreciate you and regaining a relationship that parted not that long ago can take a lot of time and effort by both parties, perhaps she is just being cautious right now.
Keep me posted and just don't rush things at the moment.
Show her strength and love and that is all you can do.
BFN
Country Woman
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