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male
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anonymous
writes: Guys..... I'm feeling very lonely and VERY VERY lost right now...Well ever since my ex-gf broke up with me about 3 months ago ive been suffering from depression and loneliness. Ever since we broke up she has been asking me for money because she has financial problems. Because i love her, and because a part of me keeps thinking if i help her she will realise how much she means to me and might someday consider getting back with me... i kept helping her. However, because she knows that i love her, she continues to text me and ask me for more and more money... Over the past month or so i am recovering from the heartache and pain that she has caused me. I can confidently say i am slowly getting over her, and have been determined to stop giving her money. Whenever she calls me and asks me for money, hearing her voice just makes me weak and i would always give in. Because of this i don't pick up my phone anymore when she calls and try to ignore her. This has worked so far, everything was going great, i would usually go to the gym, read a book or just go hang out with friends trying to not think about her.However, today my ex has been calling me non stop like over 50 times already. She has never EVER called me this much. She texts me asking me to send her money because she needs moneyto pay her friends back. ( She has used this excuse of paying her friends back money like.... 3 times already so i really doubt that is the reason). She keeps calling me, whenever she calls me... i just feel really really bad about not picking up the phone... She texts me again saying that this is urgent, pick up the phone... At this point i am very worried and scared.... I don't know what is going on with her... I just don't know what to do...Usually back then when i pick up her phone calls she would ask me for money, then she would say all these mean things to me, she would say stuff like 'You can't even do anything right for me' 'You see this iswhat i mean about you, you always think your right... thats why i broke up with u' 'What i'm doing is none of your business' etc... and these stuff she says really hurts me alot... I'm scared that if i pick up her phone call the same thing would happen, i would get hurt by her and would give in to giving her money...But i am also scared that she is in some kind of financial problem and needs urgent help...My mind is just all over the place.... PLEASE HELP!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much for replying to me
I really appreciate all your responses.
I know that she is using me, but what i really do not get is how she changed so much.
when we were together she was nothing like this, when we were together, she was gently and kind and just very caring and affectionate. I really don't get how one person can change so much in such a short time.
She is having these financial difficulties because she moved out by herself, her parents neglected her so she moved in with me, but after she broke up with me i helped her rent an apartment by herself.
Well, after all afternoon of her calling me she finally stopped. I stuck with my words and did not answer any of her calls.
Someone once told me you sometimes you never know a persons real personality until they after they break it off with you. Most of you here would agree with this as well because it actually makes sense. But i really really find it hard to acknowledge this. When i was still with my ex she was so so so much different, can a person change that much in such a short time? its just scary thinking about it...
Anyways thank you all very much for knocking some sense into me.
Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all ^_^
A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (15 December 2006):
 She knows that you want her back and she is playing on that. I feel you think that if you continue to give her money, then you may once again win her heart. What she is doing is very cruel. To take advantage of a persons emotions is not a nice thing to do at all.
You need to stand firm, tell her you are not willing to financially assist her anymore. Tell her to stop calling you. Don't change your number though, just try to gain more willpower to either resist answering her calls or tell her to stop pestering you.
She will continue to treat you in this way for as long as you allow her to do so.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (15 December 2006):
 You do not need nobody to tell you that your ex is using you big time.
She is taking advantage of your feelings for her to get money.
You have no responsibility to support her. You are responsible for allowing this situation to carry on, so stop giving money and answering her calls.
Classic emotional blackmail is what is going on.
Giving her money will not get her back, why would you want her back on that condition anyway?
Your self esteem is low. My advice is change telephone number for your sanity and to allow you to move on.
You deserve so much better.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Italie +, writes (15 December 2006):
 I'm so sorry you are in this position but you are doing the right thing not giving in to her. For the sake of your own sanity you need to break off all ties and try to get on with your life without her in it. You need to tell her you are doing this and stick to your word. Yes, she will be angry and will say hurtful things but you will realise in time you 100% did the right thing and hopefully, eventually, she will realise that what she is doing is wrong and respect you for sticking up for yourself. She knows you still have this strong emotional bond with her and is using the fact to her advantage. This is very, very wrong. She has no respect for you and WILL NOT build any repect for you while she is getting away with this. You need to think of yourself and your future but you are also not doing her any favours by bailing her out constantly and preventing her from getting her own life back on track.
I've been in a similar position recently and I know it's really hard to say no but you both have to move on in your own lives and she shouldnt be relying on you this heavily if you are not in a relationship.
Good luck, best wishes xxx
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (15 December 2006):
 Oh my god, its not her that needs help honey its you! What are thinking to let a person treat you like this. If I knew who she was I think I would slap her. PLEASE dont give this girl anything else, you are not her parent, and if she is in trouble let them help her. You are being far to soft, and she is taking complete advantage of you. I would not answer her calls anymore, and if you must answer her, tell her to not ever call you again. If you dont cut of from this girl, she will bleed you dry.
Please dont let her make you feel like this, there are a whole load of girls out there, that would love to meet a man as kind and sweet as you are.
PLEASE,PLEASE, get rid of her. and you will have a happy new year XXX
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A
female
reader, xxx Jill xxx +, writes (15 December 2006):
CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER RIGHT NOW I know this seems harsh and you will probably still worry about her for a while but i'm sorry to tell you SHE IS USING YOU BIG STYLE asxk yourself honestly is there any other reason whatsoever that leads you to believe that you will ever get back or have a relationship with this woman if the answer is no and it is all just about the money stop it right now she is playing big time mind games with you and knows exactly how to get you she obviously knows you still love her and will give in to her the problem is that woman do not generally fall for the weaker man so you getting a backbone and saying no to her straight makes you the strong one and therefore more attractive. I really feel you have to break all ties with this woman and start to build your self confidence back up get out with the guys see whats out there its a big world with millions of decent woman who are not all users like this one pls pls pls heed my advice and get rid of her before she takes you for everything you've got. You have no reason to feel guilty wether she has money problems or not this is NOT your responsibility you are her EX boyfriend and you seem to have already helped her out more than you should have.
I truly hope that everything works out for you let us know how you get on if lonliness is the problem feel free to talk to me or anyone on here at any time
take care
XXX Jill XXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): Right, firstly tell her to stop ringing you are not a bank! If she has money problems they are not your worries. She is the ex! what will she be like if you meet someone. It has to stop now! Get your act together, be brave and the next time she rings, answer it, tell her there is no more money coming her way.
Secondly, don't listen to her abuse, tell her politely that you are ending the conversation now, say bye and put the phone down. If she rings straight back THEN don't answer it. You are not her slave either. Don't give in to her.
Over the Christmas break going out as often as you can - get out there and meet someone nice who you deserve. Also - CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBERS!!
Simple - Peace and quiet.
Take care and Merry Christmas
xx
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