A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear allPlease help me I am going through a lot. I seem to be very unfortunate with relationships. Almost all my relationships has ended me in tears and they will end immaturely. I have never had a relationship that lasted for more than 3 month... Within the first month of dating, things will go wrong and on the second and third month its just pain. The recent pain I now have is with the guy I am dating. I left the guy who did not seem too keen for a relationship and found myself in the arms of the guy that I have known for 6 months. I met this current guy through on line dating....we met once for a date and since then we have been communicating by a phone on a daily basis. He has been wonderful and very good with persuasion. We lived in nearby cities and it was not easy for us to meet since his working hours are odd.I moved to his city two months ago ,because i got a new job things looked so great we dated nicely and smoothly and he was awesome. We would talk about how delayed our r/ship have been and we could have been far.... A month in a relationship, the news broke that he made his ex girlfriend pregnant... ( I cannot say she was an ex)... and again he is deciding to marry the girl, because he feels like its the right thing to do.... I cannot cope with this situation. The only thing i do is to cry... last night i cried until morning and called him while i was crying and told him i was really hurting.... But we agreed that we cannot carry on.... My question is why do my r/ships end immarturely. Am I not interesting to guys or do I look cheap....
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): These are all lesson learnt along our paths of life. Just put him behind you and move on. He is going to be a dad and have a wife so please don't phone him anymore, it is over and you know it. You will be raw for quite some time. The festive season is upon us so get out there with your mates and have a good time. Rally round relatives and friends and have a good time. The pain won't go away overnight but it is for the best that you walk away from this one. Please take care and i am sending you a big hug.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (15 December 2006):
 Just because your relationships have not worked out or lasted in the past, it does not mean that you are necessarily doing anything wrong.
Give yourself a chance, all it means that you have not met the right One.
You current relationship was complex, no matter how hard it feels, you need to accept that it could not work out as there is another party involved.
Build on your self confidence and try to move on.
If there are issues you need to work out yourself, try to understand why normally relationships do not last.
Get to know a guy better before dating perhaps to make sure he is compatible, even this is not guaranteed. Part of challenges in life.
Also work on the feedback from other people closer to you.
Remember this is your life, people are not always right, all they can do is giving you an opinion but it is up to you to make the decision.
You did not explain why second and third month are a pain, do you get possessive or does the guy usually take you for granted? Difficult to comment, you must have an indication of roughly why it goes wrong. In general, it is due to ones expectations of what the relationship should be at the time. Either yours or his.
Crying at home and wishing things were different will not help you move on even though for the begining it is part of the recovery process.
Try to get out there and enjoy life again, if you seek you shall find!
Good luck and lots of hugs
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): Dear, I am sorry for what has happened to you. You are pained and puzzled. Stop blaming yourself. I think you have made the common mistake so many of us do--you fall for a guy, way too fast. You are not scrutinizing, discerning and thinking...is he the right one for me? You go headlong into relationships and you end up hurt. All your relationships do not get past 3 months. Gosh..three months into a relationship..both of you are just 'getting your feet wet', so to speak. Why are you thinking that it's you, that has the problem? Let me tell you something. Dating is a selection process, one that we all go through. And a good partner is hard to find, and I’m not talking about quantity, I’m talking about quality. Today’s women are smarter, better educated, and more successful than ever before. So they all should start dating smartly! Sooo...stop giving up your heart so easily. Simply asking your heart and body to wait for real love doesn’t seem nearly as difficult, as having you be continually hurt from allowing yourself to date people who do not value you. Just..take your time-go slow-date-evaluate-and make the best decision for what 'you' want.
But first, you need to detach your heart from this guy and it won't be easy. He has moved on and you need to accept that. Detachment is crucial because it allows you to let go and move forward. Give yourself time to heal and get stronger from this. Feelings change and he has taken a different path. When we love someone, it's hard to step back and think sensibly, without that surge of emotion. But you need to focus on reality, here..he 's with another woman who is having his child. He will be a Father and that child deserves to have 2 parents who love each other. So you need to embrace the loss, learn for this and try hard to move on. And please don't be so hard on yourself. I think the real key to success, is moving into relationships slow and easy. Before committing your heart to someone. try to get to know all you can about them, first.
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