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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend wants to be a stripper. She has started working in a peep show. i.e women behind glass dancing together. I think she wants to do this as part of her sexual growth and exploration. She mentioned that she is thinking of working in a actual strip club where they give lap dances etc. I am having a hard time with all this. I don't really want her to do this but I want to be supportive. I have a feeling that this is a short term thing, not really about the money. But I often frealk out and feel uneasy about her being in those kinds of places. I have a really hard time with jelousy and the idea of other men lusting after her. Funny though something about this also turns me on and makes me really want her.Signed,Not sure whether I am actually O.K with all this or not. Thoughts?
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female
reader, Abriana Rose  +, writes (19 May 2016):
I'm 19 years old. I have been stripping for 10 months. I got kicked out of my house when I was 15 years old. However, men in general think of us strippers as whores prostitutes. Not as a dancer. I think the way girls move around the pole is a type of art. Those who can't respect dancers don't belong in the club. I've had 2 boyfriends who accept the fact that I'm a dancer. Relationships are based off of trust. If there is no trust then why be together? Some females are in a situation where they have no choice. In the club we do give lap dances however we do not allow men to touch us in intimate places. I think having a girlfriend as a stripper is not an issue. In fact, you appreciate her ambition. But remember it's all based off of trust and honesty.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): Dude my girlfriend use to be one before I met her and I told her
If she went back I was gone . There is no sense in your girl getting off work at five and getting home at seven. This isn't just a job it's a place that men go to too get the intimacy only you should be getting from her.
Most women tell u it's just a job. But what it really is is it's all about the attention from other men. Women that do it anyway usually leave u for one of there customers. Or have flings on the side that u will never find out about. And how would u , she's in a shady job anyway
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female
reader, Beccccccy  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 There is nothing wrong with dancing ..Its a great way to make a few $$$$$ , I find it extremely liberating , and do I find it Great when the guys get turned on ? Absolutely ..It makes me feel a complete woman , knowing that I have caused their Errections . Doesn't mean I dont love my husband ..But I really enjoy grinding the guys , and undoubtedly I love taking their money !! How many tradesmen have taken money from me ? The fact that I hold that power , so much so that they just keep paying ..Its GREAT ! Have I ever been turned on during a Dance ? ..Not often ...But yes , over the years on many occassions ..It can be quite breathe taking .. A wonderful , Honest profession .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): It's not as bad as you think. Sometimes girls really can have a relationship and strip at the same time. She just has to keep a level head. I've been dancing a long time and I've been thru it all in relationships.
There is a pretty good web site that talks about this. It's How to become a stripper
http://www.shouldistrip.com
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): i totally agree with the anon male who left that last comment. When me and my partner first started seeing each other i told him we should go to the strippers. because if he wanted to be with me i would have a major problem with him going when we were in a relationship. To me after seeing what the strip clubs are like first hand I consider it cheating. The girls rub there crouches on the guys faces and their breasts.
Now if you went to a club and your girlfriend was dirty dancing with a guy would you just sit back and feel fine? or would u ask her what the hell she was doing?
why is it any different because he pays her?
i dont have a problem with strippers at all but thats how i feel about them in relationships.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): This is ridiculous. The guys here are pansies for letting their chicks screw around on them at strip clubs. Do any of you understand the term "cuckold?" It's a guy who lets another guy have sex with his woman. If it bothers you or you're not comfortable with her selling her body for money (no matter what bullshit rationale she tries to give, stripping is selling your body in a sexual way for money) then tell her no, and if she does do it, drop her ass at the curb.
The "you're the luckiest guy because you're the one she goes home to" line is also total horseshit. You're not lucky when your girlfriend lets other men give her money to look at her in various states of undress. What would you say if some guy showed up at your house and offered your girlfriend twenty dollars to watch her take a shower, and she said yes? It's no different from stripping.
Also, and finally, there is no brief stint as a stripper. Most strippers tend to go back to it, over and over, to make a quick buck.
It's her choice to strip, but your choice to stay with her and take it.
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A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 There is nothing wrong with stripping.It a job like every other,even I would say good-dance-strip performance is equally to art. I dont see why she would not do that,if she wants? Maybe you should be more supportive then jelaous of other mans lust and eveything should be fine.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):
I am sorry in advance for how long this is and how irrelevant it sounds for the first like 500 billion paragraphs. It is not my intention to waste your time.
I personally have no problem with strippers, and I think they provide a valuable service to society. However I would not like to date one because it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
My girlfriend conveyed to me today that she would like to be a stripper.
We have been together for 3 almost 4 years now.
I am a very jealous guy and there are trust issues. *wich have come up recently.
**History**
Shortly into the relationship we were separated, though we didn't break up, we lived in different states.
We kept good communication and talked alot, however we were under age then and as such were at the will of our parents, The prospect of us getting back together was growing very bleak to me. I expressed to her how depressed it was making me to be away from her and how other girls were becoming appealing to me. After alot of thinking I though it would be in my best interest developmentally to sleep with another girl. I asked permission and she said yes.
I told her that she was the girl I loved and that I wasnt going to cheat on her.
Then about a week later one of the girls I had expressed interest in came on to me I made the decision to have sex with her. It did not last more than 10 seconds before I realized what a mistake I had made. I didn't tell her until we moved back in together several months later and unfortunately had already had sex *Yes I had gone to planned parenthood and gotten an std check both blood and urine*
we talked and I told her... anyways 3 1/2 years later we are/were doing ok after all of the turmoil over what I had done,
over the last few months she has started to express interest in other guys and she has talked to one of them about fooling around though she told me about it later.
We have spent a while talking about how we were finally over the drama this is bringing to our lives and how we are going to just trust each other and be close again and how everything in our lives is going to be ok and did I mention
extra emphasis on trust. she went to spend the day with my friend Miles and spent an awfully long time over at his house not answering the phone, then I go to pick her up so she doesnt have to walk home alone at night, and she sits me down on the way home and tells me she is ready to break it off if i'm not serious, The first thing I said is "what are you trying to tell me. Did you do something with Miles?" she says "No but we were talking about things and how I'm not getting what I need from this relationship" And I said "I know you don't feel like you are getting what you need but didn't we just have a huge discussion YESTERDAY about how we
don't care about the past and we are going to get through it anyway. and about how we love each other..."
"If you NEED to break up with me to be ok I understand..." *which incidentally was the first thing I said after I told her I cheated on her* Only about a week later she is hanging out with him again *saying she just needs to go over there to talk about what happened* right after I found out that she had let him grope her last time she was there.
she goes over there while I'm at work so I cant do anything about it, saying "just trust me I need to talk about this"
About 3 hours later I get a call in the middle of work with her almost crying she says "I need a yes or no. Are you willing to do what ever it takes to fix our relationship?!?"
I say "WHAT THE FUCK HONEY... of course I am didn't I say AFTER I FOUND OUT THAT YOU FUCKED AROUND ON ME That I am!!!
Look if this is about what you need just be honest if you need to break up with me just say it stop being afraid all the time. I understand." we argued for a couple more seconds and then she said crying "Please just tell me you hate me, please" all the wile I was saying I love you honey I love you and I want to make this work where did you get the idea I didn't What the fuck is going on." she said a couple more times " please just tell me you hate me so I can do it please I love you I cant hurt you please just hate me. "
So I said "I fucking hate you Zari." and hung up I called back like 9 times over the next 4 hours, and finally when its almost time for me to go home I called her and told her I was going to sell all the shit I bought her. and I know where miles lives and I swear to god If I see him again Im going to rip his fucking balls off and shove them down his throat. She returns my call this time acting rational and reasonable... but still sad. She said " honey I'm so sorry I don't want to hurt you, I want to talk about this, I thought this is what I wanted but when I realized how much I'm hurting you I snapped out of it. I love you sweety. Can I please just talk to you in person about this?"
I said "NO I dont want to see you again, and why is it that you dont respond to 9 calls but when your shit is getting thrown away you all of a sudden act like you care and you don't want to lose me, I feel like you are lying and I dont want you back," I hung up on her and asked people at my work for advice *seing as It was only 3 days after my 19th birthday I dont have much experience in relationships. everyone seemed to be telling me the same thing, if you love her you should stay with her, you should forgive her for whatever she did and take her back, you guys have been together for far too long to let something like this get between you. I took their advice, even though how long we had been together and how we had been talking about how we loved eachother soo much and how we would work through anything, is why it hurt soo much. I talked to her, I found out that they had not had sex though she had touched him sexually and let him touch her and she came home with huge *and I mean huge like bigger than mouth size* hickies on her neck and I found out that he had touched her panties and he had offered to let her stay with him ... the fact that they had not had sex but spent 3-4 hours touching and dry humping and that it was not just sex... made it soo much worse.. I cant even describe the feeling.
I know that what I did was as bad if not worse than what she did. but what she did has soo much more magnitude in my mind because it was two seperate occasions and because it lasted hours and because there was LOTS of time for rational thought it wasnt some spur of the moment bad Idea...
forget the details, I was really hurt by how worthless it made me feel to take her back...
anyways now its two months later and she is telling me she wants to be a stripper to make quick easy money and I should understand her side of it and its safe and don't be jealous and pointed me to this site to see all of these peoples reasons its a good job and stuff. and she makes a really valid point here, but... I still don't want her doing it and I still don't want her doing it for just as valid of reasons. She is telling me I'm being irrational and maybe I am but I'm trying to think about this as logically as possible and What I have come up with is...
It is as safe a job as any quick money job can be... at least she SAYS she doesn't want to be the kind that gives lap dances. at least she SAYS she wouldn't go full nude... but I still dont want her to do it for the way it makes me feel inside and for how much it conflicts with my morals. and for how I wouldn't want to talk to her about it.
P.S. She has not had a job for almost a year and I have a tendency to make her feel bad about it. I do not mean to but some times I can be a jerk and I frequently apologize for it. *I know apologies are not as good as NOT dealing with it but I deal with a lot of stress. More than anyone my age should have to.
**End History**
**Point**
Anyways my point here is I would like advice too.
I have already expressed how much I dislike the idea and how I can not feel comfortable dating a stripper.
**Question**
* 1 Should I break off the relationship because it is too emotionally damaging to me.
-OR-
* 2 Should I let her do her own thing and feel sick inside whenever she does.
It will be a painful outcome either way and I'm really not sure what to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): I am the opposite of this question. I met my boyfriend at a strip club, when his friend took him there. Working as a stripper help me pay for any expences for school. IT'S the easy way for me to make money and support myself to meet my goal, to be a nurse. I stopped when we got togehter but now i want to go back just to have enough money to continue my nursing carreer. It doesnt put too much pressure on me and i can focus more on school work. it is really hard for me too beacuse he doesn't want me to go back, at the same time i understand him, but i want to go back to school plus I have so many student loans to pay soon and car payments. You must talk to her and understand her side too. But at the same time she must understand you too. She doesnt have to work as a stripper if its not neccessary...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): oh please stop with the money already. sex is sex and you need to move on. people in this industry are insecure and narcosistic. attention is what makes them tick and with out it they are empty. go find yourself a real women who respects you and herself. unless you do not care she is a prostitute. lap dancing in dry fuc...ing and the dancers gets paid to get the man off. you know condoms in side their pants. doesn't this sound like prostitution. the hooker/stripper/dancer/etc. and the paying customer the john. stop fooling yourself with this crap about her exploring her sexuality. she is what she is. everyone explores their sexuality at some point in their lives we just do not all do it with an audiance. your girlfriend is trying to get you to give her permission continue to prostitute herself. prostitution has changed a great deal over the years but it only takes the seller, the buyer, the money and the outcome.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): I stumbled across this tonight by mistake in an attempt to try and calm myself down on this topic, the woman I love and the mother of my two children is going tonight for the first night of her "career" and it is driving me insane, not for the fact that people will look badly upon the idea, just the fact that I know what happens in strip bars and people will expect a "contact" dance..and it drives me crazy knowing that some other man may touch her in a way that I do.
Anyway my point is this..fast money easy cash etc. is it all worth the selling your body as a fantasy to someone when you know it hurts someone you love? Because this is what is happening to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): i no how your girlfriend feels and i no how you feel to see i want to be a stripper to and the thought of another guy looking and lusting for me drives my boyfriend nuts he HATES that i want to be a stripper but if you sit and talk to her tell her how you feel and let her tell you how she feels to ask her why does she want to become a stripper i bet that you will feel a lil better then what you did when you heard that she wants to be a stripper
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A
male
reader, 1geniuz  +, writes (5 June 2007):
yeah my woman strips which sucks, but being a business man myself i get proud of her for approaching it as her business. she gets real into "selling the fantasy" and making that money...its actually hot for me. my situation is different, im starting my company, which is difficult and very often payless. i met her after she had "retired" from stripping, and she went back to it to help herself and to help support my dreams. our relationship is actually kind of great because we do discuss everything, she gets upset when i get too detailed but hey, im her boyfriend, i need to know things, and she helps me see her for her...i trust her
but hey eve did get adam to eat the apple right? so you never know, i follow my heart, and my experience has been one that has made our relationship stronger because of our communication. it is what it is, life is hard (especially with bushenomics) and u gotta do what u gotta do to survive. I hope i can show my appreciation to her one day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): If you are jealous at this point, your relationship will not survive. Exotic dancing is a profession, not a social experience, and in the nature of the business, she is selling a fantasy to her clients for profit. In the end you are the one who goes home with her at the end of the night, and you are the one who hear's, "I love you" from her that's real. Having that being said support her in your best efforts, and when she's actually starts to party with clients outside of her job then it's time for you to move on.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (16 December 2006):
 You're thinking of a psycho. A loser is basically someone who's totally uncool and can never get any good attention so they go about insulting every one else in the hopes of making themselves feel better. If you're the best friend of hookers and strippers, do us all a favor and go catch the guy who's killing them all back in Ipswich
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2006): A "LOSER" is a human being who seizes on whatever advantage he/she can to use it against another person/persons. What especially motivates the "LOSER" is to use the trouble that he/she creates for others to help conceal his or her own shortcomings while destroying another's reputation/life. The "LOSER" makes the most of gossip and rumor because fact isn't always handy or negative enough (to ruin another person's life). Hence, "She was a stripper." (who in reality only stripped and did nothing beyond stripping) will become, "She was a stripper, and you know that they make their best money prostituting themselves. How many STD's does she harbor? We can't allow her to live in our community." If this hasn't made things clear, try this: The "LOSER" is a person who lives to cause trouble for others with the purpose of inflicting emotional pain and ruining/destroying lives/careers (one life is fine, but an entire family is far better).
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (16 December 2006):
Just a thought for the last guy. How do you define LOSER? You're out there judging folks on their opinion. You think your opinion is superior? In what way exactly? I thought this was a place where people give advice, not go around dishing out their personal opinions and insulting anyone who doesn't share them like some sort of internet terrorist.
Personally, if my girlfriend told me she wanted to go round giving lap dances, you can bet your butt I'll have a problem with it and want to talk her out of it. Of course its possible to change a girl's mind. You're saying that if she decided that she wants to go round screwing as many guys as she can, you'll just give up and let her do that too (assuming you're not in an open relationship)?
Anyway, my advice is to first decide whether you're ok with her being a stripper or not. Next, let her know your decision and try work something out. I'm pretty sure you wont break up with her no matter what her final decision is so you dont really have much to lose.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2006): Anytime, when one person is a relationship wants to do something that another person, is not sure of....it needs to be discussed. From reading your posting, you seem to have a good heand and decent values. If she wants to strip just to make fast, big money, perhaps you can persuade her to get a good day job. Let me just say if you are having any inkling of doubts...tell her 'not' to do it because this means a difference of values between you and her. You know how you hear of those guys who like to say "hey, my ex gf was a stripper" (note the word ex?) If you disapprove of the profession as much as you allude to, you may soon find yourself with an ex, too. And if she 'wants to do it', who's going to stop her? No one will...not even you. I would sit her down and tell her calmly, rationally and maturely how you' really, really' feel about her doing this. Be honest with your feelings and thoughts. I really think when a couple come upon a problem like this...talking and expressing one's wants and expectations in this relationship should take priority. Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): One problem this choice creates is that it is a profession that LOSERS will use to judge her (and if possible destroy her) for the remainder of her life. If she has anything going for her (and it seems that she must), the LOSERS will be looking for a way to bring her down. Also, what other careers/professions will be permanently closed to her once she's been a stripper?
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female
reader, sheffield_pink +, writes (15 December 2006):
What about a compromise like her working in one of these places where they just pole dance and no lap dances. I personally hate these places, but pole dancing gives you the best figure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): Hi,
I'm 20 years old, I'm a nice girl, I go to school and don't drink or smoke... also I'm a stripper. It's a good way to make money while going to school. It wasn't my first choice, but school is so busy that I needed something I could make a lot of money to provide for myself, but also make it able for me to have time for school.
Anyhow. It's important that YOU'RE okay with it. My boyfriend (who I have been with for a year and a half. Also, might I add, I was a virgin until I met him. I am the ultimate good girl.), I made sure was okay with it before I started working as a dancer. He absolutely was.
What you need to know is that if she does dance - the guys will not be an issue. When you're up on that stage, those guys turn into customers. Not eligible bachelors. Sometimes I see good looking guys, however... I don't find any of them attractive. Why are they in the strip club to begin with?
Most clubs have good bouncers. they'll make sure no one touches your girlfriend.
Sometimes dancing can be very liberating. I started not only to make money, but to become comfortable in my body. I never really was until I started dancing. I promise you, it'll help her with her confidence. Just remind her that some guys are butt faces and can say things hurtful on purpose. Just because their cruel.
Don't worry about being jealous. There's nothing to be jealous of. You're going to be the luckiest guy in the world. you get to be the one who she comes home to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): Its a bit dumb trying to get in the way of girls.if she wants to do something you should let her do it cause theres no way that if she really wants to do it you should just let her.
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