A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Two weeks ago today my girlfriend broke up with me after 19months together. We wernt just boyfriend and girlfriend though. She was my best friend. There was nothing wrong with her, her problems with me were that i didnt get jealous (except for one person) and because i didnt get jealous...i didnt argue as much as she liked. The reason for this was because of my past relationships where i did get insanely jealous, it drove them away. so now im feeling like i cant win.Also, im feeling like my friends are taking her side, im seeing less of them and im spending more time alone at home.Im going through heart break hell, and shes distracting herself by seeing all these friends including the guy who i was jealous of.Im still seeing her briefly as it ended on good terms and my three year old brother likes seeing her.i have no friends to help keep me distracted, ive got nothing. can someone help me?
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best friend, broke up, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 I beg to disagree with other agony aunts, and agree with the poster of the question. I also feel that this man can't win. I don't find his NOT arguing and his NOT being jealous a reason good enough to dump him. If we follow the line of logic of the poster's ex, if he had called her all the time, kept an eye on who she was with, DIDN'T TRUST HER, and a big ET CETERA, in summary, if he made her life miserable, then she would be happy? A smooth relationship is a very good reason to dump the man?
My guess, poster, is that there's more to this break up than she will tell. She wanted to break up with you and needed a reason to justify it, precisely because you've done no wrong.
I have but to give you the standard advice: don't try to win her back. Move on. If you tried to do your best and she didn't appreciate it, then she doesn't deserve you. You're better of without her, even if it doesn't look so.
Suppose I'm a bastard and I'm giving you very bad advice. What would you do? Tell her that, yes, you will start checking her e-mail, seeing who she talks to, not letting her be with friends (particularly NOT with male friends), demanding that she is within your reach, et cetera, SO SHE WILL COME TO YOU, to shower with you with attention?
Another reflection: do you dump people you love? Of course no. If she really loved you, she wouldn't be leaving you.
Let her find someone who will smother her. That will make her very happy, apparently.
As to your friends, can you really call them that if they take sides? Be positive and relax: you'll find new people. AND a new girlfriend, someone who won't be angry if you're not controlling. See this as a new beginning.
In the words of good old Bob Marley: Don't worry, be happy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): I guess I can see where your girlfriend is coming from. You were INSANELY jealous of your ex but not of her? I would feel insecure too. Maybe in your next relationship you shouldn't divulge so much information about your exes and how much you did or didn't do for them. That's the real problem. This is just information she didn't need to know. Cause now she just compares herself to your ex and feels like you loved her more. Maybe there is some truth to that.
As for your friends, I don't know why they would abandon you. Maybe you should try to get new friends.
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A
female
reader, hugs2muchgal  +, writes (21 August 2007):
 Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your break up. I know you don't want to hear this, but I can understand her anger at you not being jealous, though I think she took it too far.
It seems like your girlfriend wanted to feel as though you wanted her, she might have even wanted you to be possessive. Some people enjoy a little drama in relationships and since you two were bestfriends, I'm sure she knew about your past jealously issues. Also, I had a boyfriend who'd talk all about the girls hanging off him to try and see if I'd get jealous. When I didn't he'd be frustrated, not because he had wanted to cheat or start a huge fight, but because he wanted to feel wanted. Does that make sense?
Don't ever say you have nothing!
Go out, call your friends for a night out without her, or go out with maybe one or two mates and try to go out and party. Spend time with your family, and try to rebuild your life without this girl being your main priority. It's good you ended well, and maybe one day you'll have a strong friendship again with her.
Also, don't doubt your friendships. Knowing my group of friends, they'd always assume the girl was more in need in a breakup, thinking that a guy could handle himself better, and while that is only sometimes true, your friends may be feeling as though you are strong enough to make it through the breakup and your ex isn't.
Just reach out and try to stay strong.
Sorry if I said too much, but you can always message me for more help. Heart break sucks, I know, and with time it'll heal and your friendships will be revived.
Best of luck
-Hugs
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A
female
reader, confusedchick +, writes (21 August 2007):
Girls like to be reminded of how much you mean to them and for some reason like to make a guy jealous! Ive done it numerous times.. and I dont know why... I'll mention my guy friends and the fun we have when we hang out to my boyfriend and he acts like he dont care... but then I'll hear from his friends that he's jealous of my guy friends.. like why cant he just tell me that?!? The fact that she's your best friend means that you could talk to each other about anything... so maybe you should just tell her how u feel and about your past jealous relationships!
Some people also like to fight... which in my opinion can be an unhealty situation if they pick little things to fight about! I hope I have helped you a little bit! Hang in there! It will all work out!!
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