A
male
age
30-35,
*lantwit
writes:i have recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4 months, we were getting along so great untill this week. she seemed really distant from me and really moody in everything i did, then she broke it off with 2 days ago, saying that she cant do this anymore, i asked her the reasons why, she said it was because i did not have a job and i currently dont have a car so our parents have to do all the driving. i have just finished college to get the qualifications to get the job that i want and they do not start untill september, in the meantime i am currently looking for other work too. during the time we were together we got really close and both told eachother we love one another and deep down i know that she loves me. i have made no contact with her since the break and having second thoughts on wether to contact her or not to try and solve the situation or just let her have space, i miss her so much. please help????????
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male
reader, wickboy  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Hi, I don't know if this will help but it may give you some idea as to what to do, try reading the question aswered in 'mr girl friend just doesn't seem to have time for me anymore.
Here's the like below, cope and past it..
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girlfriend-just-doesnt-seem-to-have-the.html
G.
A
male
reader, llantwit +, writes (24 August 2010):
llantwit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionme and my girlfriend recently broke up (just over a week) she went on holiday last night, so i text her saying 'have a goood holiday x' and she text me back saying thanks we'll talk when i get back..im not sure how to take this. just wondering if any of you could help me out??
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A
male
reader, Blix  +, writes (21 August 2010):
Even though we have had "womens liberation" going on for almost 50 years now, it is still the fact the traditional roles of men as providers and women as domestic baby machines is still in play. And it works out too, because women are the ones having the babies and that requires some support in most cases.
Women cannot truly break free of their dependence on men unless they decide to not have children, or unless they can wrangle a good career and support themselves, even through having children. And even there it isn't fair or practical because women still earn only 60% of what men do in the same jobs [and that is a whole other issue].
Demanding that you have a car and a job is a sure sign that she is thinking in terms of "the traditional role of women".
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A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 It sounds like you are really on track with her life and I'm unclear on why she became distant and moody about your current lack of a job and car. Does she feel inconvenienced by your unstructured and vehicle-less lifestyle or is she looking ahead to a future with you and is afraid you're irresponsible? What do you think, can you assess what you've been doing and agree or disagree?--maybe you ARE being irresponsible and it makes sense that she's freaked out. From what little you told us it doesn't sound like you're scarily irresponsible but maybe she has some personal baggage that makes her super-sensitive to that kind of thing. Did she say why exactly the whole job-and-car thing freaks her out so much?
It sounds like she has a lot to sort out on her end as well. I don't think it is a good idea to contact her right now. It's a very hard situation for you, missing her and wanting to be with her again, but if you want a future with her I think you can't play into her hand like that. If you have been doing your very best to find a temporary job and meanwhile you have all the qualifications for a job that will start in September at the earliest, I don't think she's being fair to you. And do you really want to encourage unfair treatment? If you contact her, you are letting her know it's okay to treat her unfairly, that you'll still come chasing after her and desiring her. I think you should give her space, but focus on getting your act together in the meantime. Live your life, try to have fun with friends or family, make sure you nail down that job you're looking forward to, and see if she contacts you. It's hard, but I really think it's important you do this in order to give you a chance at a healthy relationship with her in the future.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 August 2010):
 If that's the case, and up until this week, she's been content with who you are and is all of a sudden citing your job and your car as the issues, it sounds like she's met someone else and is using these other things as an excuse to justify breaking up with you.
I will tell you, no amount of closeness with her family will aleviate the awkwardness and claustrophobia of having parents chauffer dates of people 18 and older. Seriously.
Either way, continue to go forward with your plans, your job, and your life. I'm sorry she's hurt you.
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A
male
reader, llantwit +, writes (17 August 2010):
llantwit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the post.its not bad because i became really close with her parents and did alot of things with her and her family so i dont think that awakwardness comes into this situation, She knows that i am currently looking for work. yes we used to take long walks and stuff like that all the time and the conversation was always going between us, she was also mentioning the future which sounded really good to hear. and she would always tell me everyday that she loved me. i dont think its a problem that im living with my parents as all of my mates have girlfriends do, i have applied for more jobs which will consider me doing anything and everything. And by proving to her that i am independant, maybe one of the reasons she broke up with me is to make me try even harder i dont know. i want to reassure her that i am trying, but im stuck on wether or not to contact her to try and solve the situation?????
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A
female
reader, blue_eyes1981 +, writes (16 August 2010):
 If she can't wait just a few more weeks for you to have a job when you have done all you can to get one and if you having a car is so very important to her then she is shallow. Forget about her move on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 August 2010):
Hmm...I thought of this, and there are two ways that this could go. One way is unfixable by you, and that is that she has found someone new (someone with a job and car) and no longer is interested in you, in which case you don't stand a chance to reconcile with her. That would be a crappy thing for her to do, and you wouldn't want her in your life anyways.
The second way is a bit more complicated. If there isn't someone else in her life, I'm thinking that she's percieving you to be unambitious and content in your life as it is, and sees no end in sight to your parents being a bit too close in your dating relationship. I know that if I were 18 or older, I would never date someone who relied on his or your parents to be our ride. That would be awkward and stifling to say the least. However, if I were dating someone, and there was a clear goal in sight, I would endure conditions like that AS LONG as I saw an end in sight to them.
She may not see an end in sight with you if you're just coasting along until September, living with your parents and having no money and making zero effort to procure money and a vehicle. I don't know about you, but when I was in college, I had a car and a full time job, not to mention a fiance. A girl will stick with a guy as long as she thinks he's got goals and a strong drive to succeed in life. It's not always about the money, but rather a comfort level thing.
If your idea of dating and courting her is only to bring her to the bedroom of your parents' house to watch TV and have sex, that's going to fall woefully short. How creative are you with what you have, since money is tight? Are you taking walks with her and expanding your hearts and minds and making sure she sees you as interesting and emotionally stimulating, or have you fallen into a rut and blaming it on the fact that you're waiting until September? She may start doubting you and seeing your unemployed status as an excuse (assuming you graduated in May/June of this year)to continue living on your parents' dole. Add uninspired boring time together, the stifling presence of parents, and no wonder she's feeling claustrophobic!
To fix this, there's only one thing you can do - and that's to concentrate on your goals in life. GET the car, get the job, and become self-sufficient. Move out on your own and become the adult you're striving for, rather than wasting your time as you did in adolescence. Your girl wants to see results. People who say that that's shallow and that she's a "gold digger" should ask themselves what they would do in her situation. She's not requiring that you be rich, but simply that you become a man. You have to show her that you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): Don't get in contact with her. She obviously doesn't love you for who you are and if she did, she would not be looking on the material side of things. You need to find someone who loves you for YOU.
The only thing I can suggest is, don't give up on your ambition/goals and once you achieve them and do have a job/car she'll feel silly for breaking up with you! And if she does start getting back in touch at these times, then you know to push her away. Who will feel upset then?
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