A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex girlfriend and I recently broke up, and just 3 days after she started dating this guy that she met when she was still involved with me. The feeling has just been so incredibly painful, I don't know what to do when she told me this I was literally in shock for a few hours. I can't help but feel that it was her feelings for this new guy that destroyed my relationship with her. I just can't imagine how she can just turn off her feelings for me and be able to pursue a healthy relationship with this other guy. Any ideas on what I can do to just get over this obstacle? Should I just completely stop talking to her and just cut her completely out of my life?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): I'm very sorry to hear that you're left in that state of shock. That's what's making things so difficult for you to accept what's happened and leave her for good, in your heart..is the shock process. Your emotions have taken a beating, and all you can do for now is try to center yourself and take things slowly, without making any rash decisions.
To be honest, I like to believe, as you do, that people have the ability to change, or even to grow feelings once again for the same person they lost them for in the past. The truth is, though, until she comes to you first and expresses an extremely positive change in feelings for you, it's not worth even thinking of ever bringing her back into your life or surroundings.
If you express your feelings for her in any form, she'll most likely walk all over them again in the future, even if she acts like she's changed for you again, or cares how you feel now. Something inside her has told her to let go of you and suddenly want a life without you, so as difficult as that is to accept, you have to try to do that very same thing, and let go of her and live a life without her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's hard to cut her out of my life completely especially when it was a girl you thought you were going to marry and spend the rest of your life with. I guess there's no way of bringing her back to me?
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male
reader, Viajante  +, writes (6 October 2010):
Don't write to her. If anything, it will make her feel better about herself because you still care about her. PLUS, it won't help you at all. Even if she feels kinda bad, it might give you hope of getting back together, which isn't an objective to aim for.
Move on, move on, move, on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): Don't write her anything, or go out of your way to show your hurt feelings to her. Just let everything she did to you go, because it's the only way you'll be able to fully let her go, in your heart. She won't care about your feelings anymore, anyway, if she's with this other guy. The only reason she would want to hear that is to see if you cared much.. and if you did, she would feel even better about it. Don't give her the satisfaction.. Just show her your strong and happy, in passing, and that's sufficient enough. Like chigirl said... that will disturb her more than anything, and teach her more than anything.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 I think it is a bad idea to write to her. You show her your hurt and pain much better if you ignore her. That way you show her she has hurt you so much you can't even look in her direction. And that will hurt her back much more than a letter, trust me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wondering would anyone think it's a good idea if I were to write her a letter just explaining how hurtful she's made me feel?
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A
female
reader, toomuch stress +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Just a word of emotional advice for you. More than likely she is seeing someone else because people often think that a rebound will help them get over a recent break up. In reality she is probably hurting a lot if she is with him. If she didn't care, she would be fine being by herself and moving on in that way. But she feels she needs that constant attention so she can get over you. I'm just letting you know, feel better and don't feel like you are worthless by this action, she's hurting more than you know and that should make you feel better!
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 September 2010):
This might offend someone, so don't read the following part of you have a sensitive heart.
Yes cut all contact with your ex. Not only is she now classified as a whore and slut, she is also a bitch when she decided to tell you she already has a new guy. I mean how curel is that. If she cared for you at all she wuld be embarrassed and ashamed that she is even dating someone, and certainly try and keep it a secret from you, not flaunt it.
The fact that she is already dating a new guy is basically why she is hereby classified as a whore. A decent person just doesn't do that. Good riddance. Cut her out of your life, she is not worth your time or attention.
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male
reader, Viajante +, writes (30 September 2010):
My heart goes to you, brother, I know how you feel. My ex was dating someone else a week after the break up and I ended up befriending another guy because the same thing happened to him. So here goes:In my friend's case, he met this girl who liked him a lot, but couldn't be with him because she had a boyfriend. Still they enjoyed spending some time together. A few weeks down the line she's single and they can date. A few years later she breaks up with him and starts seeing someone else right away. Through someone who knew the guy, my friend found out that she actually started hanging out with this other guy as their relationship was facing some problems, but " couldn't be with him because she had a boyfriend". Sounds familiar?In my case, I don't know about my ex's previous history, but she did mention some dude she was trying to forget back in her home country. 4 years down the line, as we were getting tired of the problems in our relationship, we started to feel like things were missing in our relationship. And we both ended up looking for what was missing elsewhere. She started by chatting A LOT on MSN to this old friend of hers. And then they started going on dates with him and coming home (we lived together) very late, even coming home 10am from his house. She tells me nothing happened physical happened even though she was tempted. I believe it for a number of reasons I won't put here, but I would consider this emotional cheating, on both her side and mine. This forced us to re-evaluate the relationship and we decided to break up.I was lucky, the girl I had flirted with found a boyfriend before I broke up, so I couldn't do anything with her. My ex went on a rebound right away. Right after the break up we stayed in touch and still chatted online. But it was difficult to keep the conversations casual, especially when I was dying to ask about the rebound. So we stopped chatting. But even then I saw her online messages pretending to be happy, and it hurt me, it hurt like hell. So I decided to block her on all IM programs we shared.I sook the advice of more experienced men and women and they were unanimous, rebounds are a bad idea and we should cut all contacts. The problem with rebounds relationships is that you don't really know what you want. You end up just liking the rebound for all the quality they have that your ex didn't, but that doesn't mean they are a good fit for you. And if you don't take time to heal and get to know yourself better, there will be no growth and you'll make the same mistakes again.Some women just can't bare to be single, they go on a chain of relationships without never really knowing who they are and what they want. You wanna stay away from those. I'm saying this is the case for my friend's ex, yours or mine, but it might be.Maybe she killed her feelings for you towards the end of the relationship but that is unlikely. She probably just replaced you with someone else and doesn't even know what she wants.Or maybe she's just with him to numb the pain of breaking up with you.Regardless of how she feels you should cut her off from your life completely. What do you need her for? Friendship? I hope you have other friends. If you don't go get some.Also, seeing her will just bring those feelings back to the surface and re-open old wounds that you need to heal in order to move on. It isn't easy, but it is necessary. And do not go back.I wish all the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should add in that they became boyfriend and girlfriend only a week and a half after she broke up with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): Try not to feel bitter, or treat her as such, though it's the automatic response your shock and hurt will tell you to do.
I know you're not going to like when I say this, but it would have hurt alot more if you had caught her cheating behind your back while still with you. At least she did what I would wish my partner to do if she ever wanted to be with someone else... she left you first. Yes, three days is shocking, but walking in on her with while you're still together would have been alot more hurtful.
I'm not going to lie,.. what she did was very hurtful, but just try to remain friendly toward her and show her you don't have to make enemies in order to move on to the next happy time in life. The effect she left on you, though she didn't literally do it, is emotional cheating, since you know she met this guy while she was still with you. Yes, it's going to take a while to forgive her in your heart, no doubt, no matter what anyone else tells you, but try not to express that to her or this guy she's with. It will be very hard to be civil and friendly, but you will feel much better in the long run, for it. It's not worth creating more stress on top of the stress you already feel, so try not to cause anymore waves. It'll be even more difficult to let yourself be happy than it will to let them be happy, unless you remember to maintain your cool and speak with respectful words when around her or him.
I wouldn't go and let her break your heart again, though, by giving her any chances to come back to you anytime soon. She'll have to cut her losses now and live with the spur of the moment feelings she grew for this other guy. If you show her she can come back right after doing something like that, she'll learn it's alright to keep hurting you and coming back. If the hurt is too strong, just don't take her back... there's always more love out there to be had, so you don't have to feel stuck with only her painful form of love.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): yes u should forget her completely. Its cheap thing to do what she has done. She's with no dignity. Its gud thing ur not with her anymore coz she seems like a real bad person
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