A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I need opinions. I was seeing this girl for a while last year. She seemed super into me and I liked her a lot but I just wasn't ready or looking for a relationahip at the time. I'd just gotten out of a three year relationship and just wasn't looking for more than casual dating then. We wanted different things so I eventually ended it. She then got back together with her ex whom she had been with for 3 years right before me. She had left him originally because she was generally unhappy and didn't love him. They fought all the time and didn't have anything in common. He tried to get back with her the entire time we were seeing each other but she had no interest. When I split with her about nine months ago, I noticed on fb that they got back together about a month later. Then she posted being engaged the other day on fb. I messaged her and genuinely said congratulations and I was happy that she was happy. We had had casual conversations since our split so it wasn't weird or out of the blue for us to communicate. She then continued conversation with me and said she was happy but that she wasn't ecstatic and that the marriage was just basically for stability and not out of love. And she had just been with him for so long, she thought why not just go ahead with it? She then continued she still wasn't over me, etc. Which really obviously caught me off guard. She admitted she constantly checked my fb and always thought about me.I gave into temptation and met her for lunch. We immediately reconnected and those feelings were still there. It's not like I didn't care about her when I split with her. It was just poor timing as my heart was caught up in another person. She felt the same. Nothing happened, but we both knew there was something still there between us. We continued conversation for a few days and she admitted she was seriously reconsidering getting married. I told her I didn't want her to end her relationship for me and she should just really take some time away and think about it. Well, she didn't do that, and that night, told her mom she wanted to call it off and then broke up with her fiance three days before their wedding. She's been wanting to be with me constantly since. My problems now are this: What if I change my mind and realize things aren't great and want out? She left her fiance for me! Ended a marriage for me! I worry she will regret it and resent the hell out of me. It's just a lot of pressure I didn't want. I also worry if she will cheat on me. I mean, she did end it with him practically immediately after we met for lunch. But I worry that what if she is always chasing after the newest interest? Will she do the same to me if we are together? Is she generally trustworthy? This situation is a bit confusing and I don't know what to think. I mean, she broke off a marriage for me. One part of me is like wow, she must seriously really like me! The other part is like does she just not commit well? I don't know what to think. Opinions?
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broke up, engaged, fiance, got back together, her ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 It was her choice to break off the engagement. You did not ask her to do it. Your first priority should be to decide what your situation is with your ex ex. Do you still have feelings for her? If so, then you need to come to terms with that situation before you commit to another relationship.My advice: don't rush into anything. It may be that this girl sees you as the love of her life but, if she does, she should never have accepted the proposal from her ex. Is it possible she just likes drama in her life? Some people do. If you do decide to resume a relationship, you two need to do a lot of talking and soul searching. I can totally understand your worries. Don't be immature enough to do to her what she did to her ex - accept him just because her No 1 choice was not available.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 I can see why you would have your doubts. Her poor ex fiance. I guess she did not think things through when she said yes to marrying him, and jilting him three days before the wedding is just awful for the poor guy. She certainly does take marriage quite lightly. She doesn't seem to see what a serious commitment it is between two people.
You cannot put that pressure on yourself. She ended it with her fiance not you. Be straight with her and tell her you want to take things slow. Communication is the best way to keep things straight between the both off you, just be honest with her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 October 2016):
 I think she is rather fickle, to be honest. No one should take an engagement and marriage that lightly, and marrying someone because "well I had nothing better to do that Tuesday" is just mindblowing to me. And not in a good way.
While I DO think it's good that she broke it off BEFORE the wedding... I also think she should never have accepted the ring and proposal. If you hadn't contacted her... SHE would have gone through with it and possibly cheated on him with you given the choice.
I don't know. She seems emotionally immature.
And honestly? You didn't ASK her to break it off. I think YOU were just the best excuse she could come up with so she didn't have to go through with it.
I'd proceed with caution.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (11 October 2016):
 No, dont get with her. I dont think you like her much by your post. You stated you just got out of a long-term relationship and didnt want anything serious with her. She got back with her ex because you broke things off and its better to feel wanted than rejected.Its clear you dont have strong feelings or else nothing would have made you leave her in first place. Shes almost stalker-ish by admitting she looks at your fb everyday and then breaking off her engagement just days before her wedding. she has serious anxiety and trust issues even with personal decisions and she went on to say she will marry for stability not love! These are serious red flags. I think you should run(or cut ties completely) Shes showing you again and again the red flags of a very mentally and emotionally unstable person. I think only reason it crossed your mind to get with her is because its flattering to feel wanted and desired but youve expressed no feelings of love, tenderness, and desire for her except doubt and confusion.Sweetheart, you just out of a long-term relationship! Its time take a break and focus on you. Seek self fullfillment, pursue a new hobby, a new job, travel and have as much fun with your friends and family. Then after a year, consider dating again. Have fun, meet diff women, expand your options, and zero in on the girl that has your complete heart and devotion and loyalty.Good luck
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