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male
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anonymous
writes: There's this girl that I met at work about a month ago. We started out as friends because she was "talking" to this other guy who is a loser...I'm not just saying that, he is anyways.... So we have been talking a lot and we have so much in common. The other night we kinda both finally broke out and said what we truly felt about each other. I told her how much she deserves a guy that'll treat her like she deserves to be treated just because she deserves it instead of a guy that only gives her the time of day when there's nothing better to do(the other guy). She told me she has never met a guy like me she just felt like something just clicked whenever she was around me or talking to me. So we went out on a date to her dad's band concert.That Saturday she told the other guy that it wasn't gonna work out cuz they didn't talk had nothing in common and he didn't even treat her as if he liked her. Everything went extremely perfect. That saturday I met her parents ans they loved me. I had an awesome time with her and ended the night with a "hitch" moment when she dangled her keys and I knew exactly what that meant, so I kissed her it was amazing.Then came Monday. The guy that wasn't giving her the time of day suddenly did the typical guy thing and felt threatened so he started calling her every day and sent her flowers to her house, all the sweet stuff any guy would do if he felt like he was losing a girl...and she fell for it!She got back with the guy. The thing is, tonight we talked again and she was saying how much she loves talking to me and how hard I make it for her to be with him cuz she really likes me but she just can't decide. I wanna just tell her how stupid she is being, even giving this other guy a chance because he won't change, but I'm not like that. I'm a sweet type of guy and so I have no idea what to do from here. Do I just give up or take advantage of the fact that this guy is a true idiot and I know he'll mess it all up very soon? What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2005): Ok, speaking as someone who was in this girl's situation, I have to say go easy on her, it's horrible to have to choose between two guys who you really like and it can make you go a little bit crazy. I did exactly the same thing, went for the nice guy, then the other guy appeared at the door in tears and I melted- so gullible. If you really like this girl then try again, but at the same time, don't keep putting your heart on the line only to have it trampled on. You need to be kind but firm- tell her that you're not going to wait around forever while she decides, try one more time and if she turns you down that has to be it. She has to wake up, and maybe an ultimatum is all she needs to realise how misguided she is. If you don't do this then when it all cocks up with this other guy she'll no doubt come running to you, then back again when he says sorry. I know you really like this girl but you (hopefully) have your pride too, and you must stand your ground. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2005): bide your time she will realise u are the one she really wants when it all blows up in her face, u can be her knight in shining armour. dont keep telling her what a loser this guy is cos she will think that u are the one who is jealous, not him. and will not even want u as a friend. she has to make up her own mind in her own time. just be there for her.
p.s you have the inside track to how shes feeling cos u are the friend. use this advantage wisely.
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A
male
reader, Jimmy +, writes (4 October 2005):
It seems to me that you have the right idea. Bide your time but you must treat her in a way that she knows you haven't given up on her. I imagine that it's you she really wants to be with but find myself questioning why, after such a 'perfect' date with you, she sees fit to run after this other guy. I would say that she has a problem realising that it's you she really wants to be with and you need to show her that she is very special to you, perhaps by way of a present, in order to help her make her mind up. Hope it works out for you as I share your revulsion for guys that treat their girlfriends like decorative trinkets.
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A
male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (4 October 2005):
Many people interpret all attraction as sexual, but infact there are many different reasons why we feel we are drawn to certain individuals. You could have a very fulfilling relationship with this girl, without it ever being sexual. Do not limit a relationship to the confines of a very small box. It would seem that the most important thing for you both right now,is that you be in each others lives.
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A
female
reader, dearcanadian +, writes (4 October 2005):
Give it time. I used to be the girl with the loser boyfriend. It took a month after meeting and clicking with a wonderful guy to realize how badly I was being treated. Her boyfriend isn't taking care of business, and you are. Keep it up, and she will be reminded of what's best for her. Nice guys don't always finish last.
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