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male
age
41-50,
*uagmire
writes: Ok, for about 3 months, I dated this girl maybe twice a month, I wasn't happy with my living situation and couldn't get into any kind of relationship. In December, I moved into a new place, immediately felt better about myself and opened myself up to the idea of a relationship, I'm 25. I was engaged before and have had many girlfriends, I only say this because, this girl would exchange gazes that I've never felt before, and I know for a fact she felt it too, touching me with both hands, staring at my lips, all the signs I know. Anyway, once I moved we began to hang out more regularly, telling each other quite a bit about each other, no sex, just a few make out sessions. So, last weekend, she called me to go out Thursday night for a drink, I went and another great night of both of us having fun. Friday, she came over to my place and we had another great time, she didn't leave until about 5 or so Saturday afternoon. We live 45 min apart, and she always stays when she comes over on the weekend, sleeps in my bed. Sunday, she called me and was lost with her friend looking for some shopping mall and she was about 5 minutes from my house, about 2 hours from where she was trying to be(seemed odd to me). So her and her friend stop by, and we hung out for a few hours and she really flirted with me and we had a great kiss when she left. Monday night she called me on her way to the gym and on her way home, she asked me to call her on Tuesday and I told her maybe. I was going to, but I said maybe for some reason. She sends me an email about 20 minutes later that she wasn't happy how we ended the conversation and didn't like that I said maybe. Now for my questions, A - I have called her Tuesday night, Friday lunch time, and Sunday afternoon. Voicemail all 3 times. I left a message each time. I will not call her again. Anybody think I'm wrong here? I would never know if she really likes me if I'm always calling her right?B - What in the world is going on in her head? She had even begun to mention about being in a relationship. C - I have never felt a connection to someone like this before, even my ex-fiancee, just the gazes we have, the ease of talking to each other, common interest. How can I avoid getting pissed off whenever I do talk to her again? If I do?D - What should I tell her when we talk? Right now I'm thinking, look, I really thought we had something started here, but it's really close to a waste of time for me now. She is only 21, I'm 25. Is this some sort of game she is playing?
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engaged, flirt, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 An email isn't enough. :) Leave a message on her phone saying you've arranged something special for her. I don't know like... fine dinning at a posh/moderately posh reatuarant or buy here some red and white roses, a card apologising. Do you have her home address? Maybe you could get some stuff delivered. Or if you know exactly where she lives surprise her by leaving roses at her doorstep and leave a note saying its from you. 'Thinking of you, as always my special Valentine, Say you'll be mine.' LOL She'll be totally surprised because she wouldn't think you'd go through all that effort and be thinking of her like that. So thats a brilliant idea for Valentine's Day. Unless that's totally out of character for you and if she wouldn't like that sort of thing.
By the way did you say 'maybe' in a flirty, jokey, suggestive way? Or did you say it in a 'I'm-not-bothered-if-I-call-you or-not, you're-not-all-that-important' kind of way? Like... 'Yeah, maybe' (while shrugging your shoulders and focussing your attention on something far off into the distance)? It makes all the difference. Or even if you said it innocently without even thinking, she could have interpreted it badly and maybe she's a sensitive kinda gal. Well at least you know what not to say now eh? So its not all bad, look on the bright side.
An email is not enough if you really want her in your life. Ok? So take my suggestions on board or think of some better ones on your own, you should know best anyway. :) Good luck
A
male
reader, quagmire +, writes (13 February 2007):
quagmire is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't realize that me joking around saying maybe was this big a deal. Of course I was going to call her we had talked everyday for a few weeks now. Should I do anything for Valentine's? I was going to send her an email.
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A
female
reader, fATTYNATTY +, writes (12 February 2007):
 nnoooo, mate,
wait, it sounds as if you were going really well in this relationship, you have to be careful, girls are sensitive - words mean thigs, girls will look at the end of a text to see how many x's you put on the end, or how far away they are from your house so you can come rescue them fr a few minutes.
"Maybe" though, it is not a good word to say to someone who youre interested in, you know she took it badly, did you say it in a jokey way? or say it without thinkig ?
"maybe" in a girls head is another word for "no" shes probably spilled this dillema to her frinds and theyve told her to leave you alone, that youre not interesed, thats the power of words, leave it in her head and she will come to so many conclusions, such as you don't want her anymore, and you are the player.
Again, being a girl, i get the feeing shes not playing you at all ,she's mentally preparing her self for rejection, getting annoyed is your fault though, i'm sorry mate but you slipped up.
I think you should send her an e-mail [phone calls obviously arnt the way] say sorry, say how much she means to you. don't tell her shes in the wrong. smooth things over but dont say anything that could possibly upset her, which would get you relpy that would irritate you.
Good luck :) tell me how things go ??
x
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (12 February 2007):
You shouldn't have said maybe. Why did you say maybe? I mean, you seem to really like her and want to be with her but when she asked if you'd call her, you said maybe! Why? You've known eachother long enough now and if you've spend nights together and all that then I think she thought that you two were close, or that you have actually reached somewhere. And now for you to say maybe just erases all of those things and thats why I think she got offended. you kind of spoiled it when everything was going so well.
But anyway, whats done is done and at least you called her. I think she'll get back to eventually, but for now just leave her to figure out what she wants to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): Not necessarily a game she's playing with you, but perhaps more of a miscommunication. When you told her you would "maybe" call her Tuesday it could have been for all sorts of reasons: you might have had other commitments (not necessarily a date) but things you could have had to do but were not sure of at the time. That happens. I can tell somebody I might call them Friday, and later realize I have other obligations that day.
Having said that, it occurs to me that it is possible she felt as if she was the one doing the calling - after all, she called and suggested going out for a drink (nothing wrong with that). I agree it seems a bit odd that she and her friend were lost 5 minutes from your house when looking for a shopping mall that was 2 hours away. Perhaps she really wanted to stop by and see you and the thing about the mall was an excuse. However, you were happy to see her, and you seem to have a very positive attitude toward her.
Leads me to think (as I just said) that if she felt she was the one doing all the initiating, the fact that you said you "might" call her may not have sat well with her.
On the other hand, you HAVE called several times since then and left voice messages. That ought to have set her mind at ease regarding your interest in pursuing your relationship. However, its possible that she was out of town over the weekend.
At this point I'd say wait a while before making any more calls and see if she gets in touch with you.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Hi,
A.Why did you say maybe if you was going to call anyway.
I would have been really hurt, if a guy i was interested in, said this to me.
B.Your only wrong in the fact you said it in the first place, which was kind of stupid, seeing as you like her so much.
C.Why does there have to be something wrong in her head. It was good until YOU slipped up. She more than likely thinks you are playing games, and is not having any of it.
D.Why would you get pissed off just talking to her, you sound very imature. And not ready for a relationship anyway.
Sorry
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