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female
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anonymous
writes: HiA member of staff in my child's school has a crush on me ( I am married) and I also have a crush on her. She is in a senior position.I have known she has a crush on me because she kept checking me dropping time, trying to get my attention and smiling and other signs. Once she came in the playground showing signs that she wants to talk to me ( a bit flirting not overdoing ) after checking me in a meeting?The next day I tried to do the same looking at her and saying hello not overdoing in the saying hello and I could not engage in a conversation as I am shy around her.Since then she has backed off and not a glance at me.I'd like to know what has happened? What is your thoughts? Have I creeped her with my look on that day? Or was she expecting me to engage in a conversation with her?I understand it is not appropriate for both of us to continue behaving as such - so unprofessional ...however how to deal with such a situation? I am the parent - am I suppose to be the one to talk to her?I get nervous around her. Why does she not talk to me or ask me a question or engage in a conversation with me rather than waiting for me? Also, do you not think it is unprofessional of her not to be greeting me anymore?Since she has stopped greeting me, I have done the same. I find this quite uncomfortable. By the way, I' m pretty sure she is married. Should I feel uncomfortable?It is not my fault, is it? As I am blaming myself for not going up to her to talk? Is it necessary for me to talk to her?Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2022): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also appreciate your comments. Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2022): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is the most senior- does it matter? If I needed to ask about something about school or..., should I speak to someone else? Or can I still ask him?
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female
reader, QueenCupcake  +, writes (14 April 2022):
 Does your wife know you’re doing this?
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (14 April 2022):
 I think it would be rather extreme putting your child in another school over this, nothing bad has really happened has it.
Just be normal and go about your business, say hello, or just a smile, just like you would do with anyone else. If she chooses to ignor then so what, she is not your friend or family member is she.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2022): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for new answers. Really appreciated. My husband drops off but I still need to pick her up. Well at the moment he's being rude..
I get it...I was just trying to still be polite by saying hi...
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 April 2022):
 A "good morning" should suffice. She isn't a friend or relative she is a worker at your child's school.
I don't know why you think you would have to move your kid to another school, that seems a bit over the top.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2022): Can you put your child on a bus so you don't have to be there?
Or have your spouse drop off your child, not you?
Unfortunately, sometimes you have to be totally rude. You owe them nothing. It does not matter what they think or feel. It matters that you are protecting your marriage in whatever way is necessary. Think about it as doing this for your wife. And her feelings. Not someone you barely know who is flirting with other people when they are married. Not much of a catch is she? Cannot be trusted, can she? She will get the hint very quickly. Just drop your child off and leave. Pretend you do not see her. Do this enough times and it will be normal for you. You are cutting it off completely. I have done this before with married men I knew liked me when I was younger. I completely ignored them once I knew their intentions. I did not see them whenever they were in room, nor acknowledged them. It may seem rude but it definitely told them exactly what I felt. TO BACK OFF. NOT INTERESTED. It is all about survival OP.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2022): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso should I put my child in another school?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2022): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. Appreciated.
I know when someone is flirting with me so for sure she was. Anyway I know I should do nothing to escalate things. I understand that. Thank you.
However can someone please tell me should I greet her at the gate? As I have greeted being polite and she has not done so for the past few weeks after I have not reciprocated to her overdoing greets/ flirts act!! Should I just walk past without greeting?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2022): How do you go from here? You don't go anywhere.
She is a member of your child's school staff. She could lose her job and reputation for stepping outside the moral and professional boundaries of her role.
Why would she want to do something like that? Why would you expect her to do something like that? You are day dreaming OP. Time to wake the fuck up!!! This would go nowhere fast. You would both would end up looking like a JOKE to everyone. And provide gossip for years to come. And LOSE your families in the process. Do whatever it takes NOT to have further contact with her. Remove yourself from this situation because you CAN. You have the power and intelligence to do so. You DO HAVE A CHOICE. Make the RIGHT ONE. It seems she wants nothing to do with you. Have some self respect and have some decency. Have some compassion for YOUR WIFE!! STOP. STOP. STOP. NOW. REDIRECT OP. Redirect your thoughts and your actions. Find other things to think about and do. This too shall pass.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 April 2022):
You are married, behave yourself! And so is she!
And she probably hasn't gotten a clue about your crush, she just saw someone who at first seemed friendly, then acted weird, so she pulled back.
Grow up and get a grip.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2022): A similar situation happened to me over 10 years ago. Another parent at my son's school had a crush on me and I had a crush on him too. We always stood around waiting to pick up our kids at the end of the school day with the same group of parents. In the mornings we also hung out and talked after we dropped our kids off in the same group. It was evident that there was some sort of spark between us. I was not happy in my marriage at the time and there were some personal issues I was having that had nothing to do with my husband at the time. So, I was seeking an escape from all those problems. In walked this guy and everything seemed so exciting again. I could take the focus off all the stuff I really had to work on (and let's admit I had stuff to work on or I would not even be entertaining such a crush) and it just felt great to have someone think I was wonderful and that boosted my ego. In the end, all of that was short lived and fleeting. And all you are left with is you looking at yourself in the mirror with the same old problems. You have to admit them to yourself and admit that there is something going on which is pushing you towards this "crush." And FIX whatever those problems are.One day he invited me on a play date to his house with our kids while his wife was at work. He worked shifts at night once she got home from her job as a teacher. I went. I know it was inappropriate for a woman to go to a man's house for a kid's playdate while the wife was at work. The other parents found out what had happened and from then on looked at me (us) differently, as if there was something inappropriate going on. I then thought hmmm for him to entertain such a thought he must have issues too. And it turned out that he had a dalliance on his wife in the past and was looking for another.It ended with his wife finding out about our play date and putting his daughter on the bus everyday. So he never came back to the school again to hang out as she was on the bus in the morning and on the way home. The wife nipped it. And you know what? She did good. She was right. Unfortunately she had to live with the mistrust and being cheated on. It must have been very difficult for her. I did not see it then. But I see it now. Try to have empathy for others. This woman has a spouse. You have a spouse. Would you want your wife doing this to you? If the answer is no, cease and desist. It really is very easy to move on from someone you do not know and can avoid if you choose to. Don't say anything from now on. The crush will fade if you STOP FEEDING IT! Look at it as protecting your wife from pain. That is your duty as her husband. You have her heart in your hands. That is a BIG responsibility OP. You owe this other person absolutely nothing. You share a life with your wife and your wife LOVES you. This other person does not love you, nor even know you and vice versa. She seems fascinating not because she is who she is, it's because you have an untapped need in you that anyone would meet if they paid attention. She just happens to be there, and is convenient. Realize she is just a messed up person with problems (LIKE YOU!) who is already committed to someone looking for an escape, just like you. Affairs or dalliances only put a band aid on your problems. When they are over, the hurt is even greater for so many other people. Affairs break apart families and the guilt you feel will never go away. You cannot take back what is done and must live with the repercussions for the rest of your life. You have no idea the damage it does until you go through it and then it is too late. But it is not too late now. If it ever went any further, you will come out of it still messed up, in fact, way more messed up than ever, and not only that but you will mess up people you love, and your families. And you can never go back and change that kind of irreparable damage. Put the breaks on OP. You are a mature adult who knows better. You are in time to smarten the hell up!!! What are you going to do? Smile and flirt with everyone who catches your eye? Got news for you. There will always be attractive people who intrigue us even if we are married. But we don't go around like dogs on the prowl. Crushes are not unnatural but when you actually entertain them, that is where you need to draw the line. Or you will go through life led by your penis and keep jumping from one person to another. And ending up a very lonely old man with no wife, no family and no respect from others and from yourself.
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reader, kenny +, writes (12 April 2022):
I think that maybe she was just being friendly like she probably is with everyone. Maybe she found out that you had a crush on her and is her way of nipping it in the bud before things escalated and got out of hand.
You say you have a crush on her, then you go on to say you know for sure she has a crush on you as well. But the reasons you give for thinking she has a crush on you are not signs that she is in to you. I mean come on OP, she kept checking your dropping time, trying to get your attention, and smiling at you, these mean nothing as she could be like this with everyone. I feel because you are crushing on her you are finding every inconsequential action or look or smile she makes and you come up with she is crushing on you, which in reality is a million miles away from the truth.
I would not mind betting that you are giving the actions and vibes that your really into her, which more than likely everyone can see, and being that she is in a professional position this is why things have become awkward.
At the end of the day you are married, you assume she is married, so forget about this and just accept that nothing is ever going to transpire between you her, she is a member of staff in your child's school, end of.
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