A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i would like some help. i dont know what to do next in my very confusing life. this is a long story so im sorry but please read it because i need your advice.i met a girl and was instantly drawn to her. id had one previous secret lesbian relationship-nobody knows that im interested in girls, im still a little confused about the whole sexuality thing if im honest. Anyway, i found out she was confused about her sexuality so told her about me and how i felt about her. she didnt say much so we did nothing about my feelings.anyway as time went on i started to notice that she was sending me signals. we would watch tv together and she would lay her head in my lap and run her hands up and down my leg. i didnt make a move, i didnt want to ruin our friendship by scaring her off. then one day we were watching tv and she was doing the leg touching thing then she asked me to lay down next to her, so i did. she then took my hand and put it on her breast. i literally froze! she just smiled at me and started stroking my hair. anyway... one thing led to another and we had sex. i couldnt believe it and asked her halfway through if she was sure she wanted to do this and she said she has never been more sure of anything.so that may all sound great but then the next day she gave me the cold shoulder. it was clear she regretted it. then she started just being generally mean to me. it was horrible. i tried to talk to her about it but she just makes excuses and leaves. A few weeks later we got drunk together and she tried it on again (she was sober the first time round by the way). i asked her if its really what she wanted this time and she said yes and that she was just scared after the first time. so we had sex again. the next day i got the cold shoulder again!!ive tried to speak to her several times about all this and she just says that she is confused. I gave her an ultimatum and said that she has to decide if she wants to be with me because i hate being messed around. she said she doesnt know. so i decided for her and said that i dont want this, not like this. she said ok (she didnt fight for me so clearly didnt care about me that much). she promised me this was the end and she wouldnt bring it up again because she is so confused and then it gives me the chance to live my life and get over her. i thought that was the end. a month passed by and it was all fine. then...we were supposed to go out with friends the other day and she cancelled last minute. i asked why. she got very snappy and said 'why do you care? your night will be much better without me and without a quick shag'. i was shocked. i told her that we were past that and i just wanted her there as a friend and i promised i wouldnt let my feelings get in the way of our friendship. she told me that she knows i wouldnt do anything and that her and her feelings is the thing she is worried about. i didnt know what she meant but she wouldnt say anything more. one minute she tells me she is still confused and still likes me and the next minute she says she doesnt like me. now the biggest thing i have a problem with is the fact that yesterday she told me that she hates me!! i cried so much, hate is a strong word and i cant believe she would hate me. i dont think i have done anything that bad. i now dont know what to do because a part of me still wants her (i dont know why) but the other part is confused and upset by what she said. do you think that she really does hate me. or does she have feelings for me too? it doesnt make any sense. can anybody work it out for me please!! sorry this was a long story...if you read it all then thankyou xx
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female
reader, huffygirl88  +, writes (2 April 2010):
One your a lezbeon and she probobly doesnt want to be on. I mean do you want to get married to a girl and TRYto have sex with her. You probobly wont see her again.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 April 2010):
She's well and truly confused, and though you're hurt, in many ways this might be a good thing. She doesn't know who she is, and could well be ashamed of what she's done for reasons we don't know about. You did right in giving her an ultimatum, because she was just wasting time. And instead of accepting the blame herself, she chose to blame you because it's easier to blame someone else than yourself. I don't think she does hate you at all. I just think she's so confused she hasn't got a clue what to think or feel. That said, it's probably best if you don't have too much to do with her. It's clear she has issues she needs to deal with, rather than just take it out on you.
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