A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:First, please do not bash me. I am a 38 yo male, I have a huge loving heart, I am giving, compassionate, loving, romantic, etc. After my 11 year relationship ended, I met a 27 yo italian international student and fell head over heals. Within the last year, he has been on dating sites and he says it is just because he wants to see what kind of ppl he is compatable with. He has also let others kiss him when I am not present. In his defense, I do not believe he has ever cheated! He is also very passive and does not know the word "no". He says it is easier not to make enemies. He has a serious need for attention. Mine alone is not enough. He gave me a promise ring, but continues this behavior. When we went out together, I wld become jealous when others touched his chest (very muscular). So I let him go with his friends. He asks the advice of friends and it empowers his beliefs. I try to tell him they do not know the whole story and only he knows his heart. He says his friends do not like me and that make me not want to hang out even more. I really do believe he cares for me deeply. When I call he sometimes put me off and it is upsetting and this past weekend, we split up and I gave the ring back. We still have a desire to see each other but I am so afraid. Since last weekend, I have been feeling angry and now just empty hearted feeling fills me a good part of the time. This is driving me crazy. I do not stop thinking of him and of my feelings for him. Please, I really need helpful advice.Shattered heart in Dallas.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Hi - Marlene Dietrich once said 'Italians are alright if you are in a hurry!!' LOL. I've nothing against Italians, my mother was Italian. What i am getting at is that you said you met him after your 11 year relationship ended. Was this perhaps a question of you 'hurrying' into another relationship. If this guy really wants you, he will not let you go. The way you describe what he does suggests he is more into just having a good time at the moment. Hardly serious relationship stuff. I agree with the previous comment that your self esteem sounds very low. I would suggest you let this guy go, although you could tell him the door is open if he is after exploring serious commitment with you. Then find ways of addressing your self esteem followed by trying to meet a guy who is more into looking for a long term relationship. Enjoy the process, it could lead to a fantastic result! Good luck.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 June 2010):
To be honest, I think you're better off without him. Your first sentence about us not bashing you says a lot about your character. You come across as a person who has pretty low esteem to be honest. He has no defence for letting others kiss him. He can say no any time he likes. He just doesn't. And he's letting his friends get between you because they don't like you. He's not standing up for you, he's not fighting for you and he IS cheating on by letting all these people come to him and kiss him and touch him. He can say no any time. I would strongly suggest that you should end contact with him and move on. It won't be easy, but I think you need to spend time on yourself, then you'll meet a better person.
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