A
female
age
30-35,
*ryannah Heart
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm about to graduate high school and, unlike my classmates, I am dreading it! When I was 13 I was kidnapped and abused, I also suffered from amnesia for 5 years. I didn't remember anything about my family or even my last name. I ended up in a foster home and then I started to make my life. I remembered my dream, to become a docter! As I went through high school everything went smoothly. I made honor roll every year and my teachers loved me. Then I met a guy. He thought me attractive and soon asked me out. He's perfect. He's sweet, funny, endearing, and he loves me. And I'm head over heels in love with him. Then, he asked me! Four months ago he asked me to marry him! I said yes and every thing was perfect. That's when things went down hill. I got a call from a local police station saying that i matched one of the reports for missing and exploited children. My perfect world came crashing down. My parents were nice and sweet, but... They didn't approve of Anything. They didn't aprove me marrying my fiancee or going to Med school to become a doctor. They want me to wait for someone else and to become a lawyer so i can make "real" money. My fiancee tells me that he loves me and would willingly take a bullet for me. He makes me feel special, wanted, and loved. He says it's my decision wether to marry him without my parents approval, or to do what my parents want, he says he just wants me to be happy. It makes me love him even more! So this is where you comed in. Do I follow my heart and marry him and go to med school? Or do i listen to my parents, who think they know what's best for me? Please Help!
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fiance, money, my teacher Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): this sounds like fiction.
doctors dont make as much money as lawyers? wtf?
amnesia for 5 years?
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (11 October 2009):
 This is very hard for you, I am sure, and I for one feel a bit cross with your parents for making it so. They should also respect your wishes, your life and your feelings.
Being a doctor is NOT a poor choice!! It is a great choice, and a rewarding and worthwhile career, and of course you will also make money doing it. If you have that vocation, to be a doctor, you must follow it. Similarly with your fiance. He sounds such a good thing, and your parents will have to accept that you have made decisions on your own, and you are standing by them.
To be honest, your parents need to come to terms with your decisions. You have had to survive on your own and you have done fantastically well. I do hope they are proud of you. I guess now they want to control your life as they have had to live 5 years thinking you were lost, which must have been terribly difficult for them - they must have suffered just dreadfully.
Anyhow, it is all fantastic now as you are ok and found, BUT, you have your life. I think you need to talk with them more, and explain that you want to stick to your choices. maybe you need some counselling (and them) to help with this, but I think you should stick to your guns on this. And especially don't lose your guy - a man who you feel so close to is not something you find everyday. Don't lose him.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (11 October 2009):
 You have a lot going on in your life. If you have met the right man then wait before getting married as there should be no rush. Parental approval is not always necessary - I married my husband without their approval. They also hoped I would marry someone middle-class I guess! As for the child kidnap, I think you should see a therapist who specialises in post-tramatic stress disorder. You may not be able to recall what happened to you when you were younger but it may just help to talk over how you are feeling about it now. As for being a doctor, if that is your dream then go for it...hard work but once qualified you can work anywhere in the world!
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A
female
reader, YourDestiny11 +, writes (11 October 2009):
 Wow congrats, after all youve been through you were able to pick yourself up and create a great life ahead of you! Follow your heart! Your parents will be there forever, however, your fiancee will not! Sounds like your parents are trying to figure out how to control you! Good luck and congrats!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): Hi
Wow, after being without your parents for so long, and after you deciding to create a life for yourself in spite of all the odds... I salute your spirit. And, I congratulate him on finding a man who makes you feel that way.
Now, for your parents part, you see they were absent in the most formative years of your life and they have suffered greatly for you too. However, with you grown so independent and mature and with your life already in place (and they had nothing to do with it), it is quite natural that your parents feel out of the loop!
They want to do there fair share of parenting, right. Maybe that is the reason they are dictating their terms to you. Also, you aren't that little girl anymore who ran to her parents for help, so they must be feeling a little confused as to their role and (job) as parents. However, you are not some confused chick that plans on a Vegas wedding to a bum.
You are a strong mature independent kid and you have come out on top of all your adversities with your honor and your dream intact. So, please do not give up on any of your dreams for your parents. That is never a bright idea as you keep thinking about the price you had to pay and about the way life could have been. Besides, your dreams are noble and they deserve to be realized. Now, that the career is settled, you have found a man who is there for you in every meaning of the word and you are happy with him! You guys aren't planning on a wedding right away, are you?
I suggest that you postpone the wedding talk for a while and try to rebuild a relationship with your parents.
Include them in your plans, tell them why you wanted to become a doctor, talk to them, seek their help in looking for a college and just try to show them that although you have grown up, you still need them and that they will always be your parents.
Once you have reconciled them to your career, try to talk to them about your man, about his dreams, about how he has taken good care of you and all. It will not happen overnight, but with patience and good communication you will be able to do this. But, really, do not try to give up one for another, it never works out well. Just share this joint responsibility with your man, he is your only ally and I am sure he will help you out.
Best of Luck
Love & God Bless
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A
female
reader, jodaii +, writes (11 October 2009):
Hey :dYou haven't seen your parents for 5 years, they dont know you!Do what you want!Marry your fiance! Do whats best for you, you deserve it, you've had a hard life, so just something for yourself!Your parents wont want to lose their little girl again, so they should support you whatever your choice is!Good Luck :D xxx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 October 2009):
You must follow your heart. After what you have been through, and all that you've worked for, for your parents to say that really isn't the nicest thing they could have done. You are who you are. you want to get married to a great guy, and you want to be a doctor. Do that. :) Lots of luck.
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