A
female
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anonymous
writes:i have been with my parnter for about two years, and i really want a baby with him and he wants to wait another two years before trying and i want one NOW, i have thought about telling him i am still taking the pill when i wouldnt be, but then when it finally happens i would be lost for words and its selfish so i dont know what to do. i have already had an abortion before and that was hard so now i want it back now i feel the time is right.
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abortion, the pill, want a baby Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): I can very much relate to your situation. I have been with my partner for 7 and a half years now. we've been engaged for two years, and have lived together for six months. we were teenage sweethearts and have been together since we were 15. we are planning our wedding for the summer of 2009 purley for financial reasons- although i would prefer to have a cheaper wedding and do it in 2008. our plan has always been to get married, and then have kids- but i really dont think i can wait another 3-4 years for this to happen. we have both said that we would do it all now if we had the money- but i think we can afford to do it. i keep telling my partner that i am so ready now. i've spoken to him many times about this but he wants to do things properly and wait until we're married. i too have thought about missing a couple of months worth of tables to see if any things happens and to give myself a break off the pill- as i have been on it for nearly 8 years now. my partener has said to me that if 'it' did happen unexpectedly it wouldnt be a big deal. i have been thinking of giving myself a break off the pill for a couple of months and if it happens it happens, and if it doesnt it doesnt. i've missed tablets many times before, and nothing's ever happened. i dont know what to do - my partner wont comprimise with me and i just know it would be so good for us.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): Hey there,
You need to do it; one thing I have found out is that men tend to love and respect you more once you have their child. What happens in 2yrs when he decides that he found another woman and gets her pregnant? This will make you enraged. I consider myself to be a very beautiful,a well travelled person; but I have often been left by men who had babies with other women. And the only thing I regret is not having a baby with them; sometimes there isn't anything you can do. You can be perfect but sometimes it is not enough and there is always somebody out there that is better than you and can steal your man. Atleast you are in the position to trick him into having your baby by skipping your birth control. I am still love sick over this bloke that stop calling me all of a sudden for no apparent reason and he has a child with somebody else. If he should ever return to me that is the first thing I will do, have his baby!!
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A
female
reader, jng23 +, writes (8 November 2006):
It may sound like a good idea in your head, but it will probably make him not trust you at all. What kind of person would do that to the one they love
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): Do you want a baby now because your afraid of losing him?? A friend of mine recently admitted to me to tricking her boyfriend, she now has a baby, and no boyfriend. he's a great dad and the child is the best thing to have happened to both of them but theyre not together anymore because she wanted a baby and he wasnt ready. she lied and she lost him, you dont want something like this cause a rift between you by lying and cheating your partner, Maybe you should compromise. How about suggesting that one year from now, start trying to concieve! that way, 9 months later a beautiful baby is born. and that might keep him happy because its nearly two years in total!! but please please please dont trick him its so wrong and if he ever found out it wouldnt be pretty!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): No, NOOOOO, no NO No Way, are you kdding, no do not trick anyone into getting you pregnant for any reason whatever you are imagining or telling yourself it is not worth the heartache or the lost of trust with your partner and your unborn chid will end up paying for your mistake....can't even believe you asked the question, really.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): Your husband facing heartache and turmoil if he should soon discover the womman he loves, admires, trusts, and works to provide for is a woman with a dishonest heart.
Integrity is a fast dying value and with this loss comes the societal upheavals we see in today's world.
Lying, misrepresenting, omitting are all forms of lies. There is no such thing as a little, white lie as a lie will put your integrity into question which will effect your marriage for many months and maybe years.
Avoid this train of thought.
Marriage first, children second. This here is sound advice to live by.
If the marriage is shaken at it's foundation...there is no good reason to bring children into to it to have them face a broken home with two angry parents who are hurting and hateful towards one another all over "a small, white lie".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): Marriage is not about ME, it is about WE.
It sounds like you both discussed this before marriage and both came to the decision to wait for a set time. Why cause contention in the marriage by going against a promise. Yes, it is a promise as it was discussed and agreed upon.
Being Husband is male; he would have come to his reasons for waiting based on practicality around financial reasons. Respect your husband by waiting the two years.
When you make promises...KEEP THEM.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2006): you should wait and things will be better between you and your husband AND the baby will have a better life. Sometimes you have to wait for the great things in life. Don't say i want a baby NOW. Thats just makes you seem like a selfish brat who wants a new toy. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, ***la belle vida*** +, writes (4 November 2006):
 Never do this because this could leave your child without a father, and thats not fair. Think about whats best for the child and in my opinion it sounds like waiting them two years will be best.
take care hunni xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 November 2006):
 No child deserves to be brought into this world as part of a trick. Wait the two years and have both Mom and Dad on the same page. It will definitely be worth it plus two years will fly by. Spend the next months buying baby stuff that will keep you busy AND you'll be needing it anyway. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emzybobzy +, writes (4 November 2006):
I think the best thing you could do is talk to him and tell him what you want. At worst all he can say is no. But yes I do think you are being a tad bit selfish. It takes 2 to tango.
Thats all i have to say.
P.S. remember - the best things come to those who wait
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (4 November 2006):
 No dear. i wouldnt advise u to trick him in having his child. I know u must be skeptical about doing this also and it doesnt go well with you unless u would have as well gone ahead and do this without needing to ask advise here.
I think your best option is to continue trying to persuade him. Perhaps when he sees how much u crave this he might change his mind. Besides two years time isnt that far of. The year is almost finishing already, we have a month to christmas and then 2007. He just might see it this way and agree to your reasoning.
Also i think u should try to find out why he needs to wait two more years. is it because of ur fiances? maybe if u know u will be able to seek way to balance his fears and get him to agree.
I know how hard an abortion can be talk to him about how u felt during the last abortion and how difficult it was for you.
I feel you are going to be a mother really soon so dont worry dear.
Take care now
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