A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of just over 2 years ended our relationship for good 1 week ago. The first year of our relationship was fantastic we were so in love and talked about living together, marriage etc.Things started to slow down April this year when a guy I met after 10 years sent me flowers and started to show feelings to me. I told my boyfriend this as I don't believe in hiding things from him. He started to get jealous and protective and got angry when I spent time with my friends especially this guy(who was just a friend) he basically didn't trust me. I never cheated on him.I decided to split up with him around May/June because of his jealousy, we both agreed to spend a few days without contacting each other to find out our real feelings. After a few days we both knew it was a mistake and we got back together. During the summer, I went away with my family and he went back to his country. When he came back things were different with him. He denied this, I kept asking and asking until he finally admitted sleeping with someone when he was home.I was devastated but in the end decided to give him another chance. At this time girls were calling him, one in particular but he said nothing was happening. As i couldn't understand his language I had no idea what they were talking about. Whenever I questioned who he was talking to he got angry and wanted to leave the room and not talk about it. I asked him if he really wanted to try again and make this work with me that he had to tell this girl who kept calling at all hours while he was with me that he was trying again with me. This he did while I was there, she never called again. Things were working out I thought, until the past few weeks where he has seemed distant, not texting and calling all the time. When I questioned if the relationship was coming to an end he said don't be silly. I was trying so hard to make things work but it turned out he wasn't making an effort. Whenever problems came up he never wanted to talk about it.He then ended it on the phone a week on Sunday. I wanted to see him but he said no, he finally agreed for me to go over at 8.30pm but he was not there when I went. I waited for hours outside his house for him but he would ignore my calls, switch his phone off and then text saying go home as he is not coming.I found this hard to take in as he was so loving the Friday before. I texted and called most of the next day (I know now this was wrong but I couldn't help it) He said he could meet me on Thursday to talk and that we needed time apart for a few weeks to see what we feel towards each other. I waited until Thursday to confirm the meeting but he replied with "Don't know yet" and then "maybe Friday would be better I will call you tomorrow" I left it at that. Friday morning I got a message saying he was going to see his sister for the weekend after work and anyway there is nothing to talk about. Sorry. I was not surprised but his messages to me were so mixed.I just text back saying it was a shame he didn't have the guts to tell me on the phone. He called and said he didn't love me and didn't miss me and that we were from 2 different worlds (he is Polish and I am English, I have a good career and doing well, still living at home and saving money, he has a job but is not able to save much) This has never been a problem for me as I love him for who he is.He ended the phone call with "F**k off". And switched his phone off. This cut me up and hurt so much. How could the guy I spent the last 2 years with speak to me like this? He text me 1hr later "Leaving work in 30mins :)-" Why send me this?I haven't contacted him since he told me where to go, it's been 4 days now and not a second goes by without me wanting to pick up the phone and speak to him.I just want him to miss me, our paths will not cross as we don't have any mutal friends and don't go to the same places. I truley feel opposites attract. Can he really mean those words he said after 2 years. I want him to contact me again, what can I do?Heartbroken
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Hi,
sorry to see you going through this , it must be very painful.
I think you have to accept that too much has passed between you two to repair the relationship.
His behaviour has been appalling and sleeping with this other girl was not something you do if you want to commit yourself to someone for life.
However, I do think there are two sides to every story and you have been honest with us on this. What you did originally was very unfair. Telling him that someone else is interested in you is a bit cruel. Moreover, by going out socially with this very same person you sowed some major seeds of doubt into your boyfriends mind. How did you expect him to react to this? I only say this as my ex partner did exactly the same thing to me. It was if the previous 8 years didnt exist, suddenly on the spot I fell out of love with her (something I thought would never happen ). It is heartbreaking to have the person you love tell you that she's spending time with a person who wants to break up your relationship.
It certainly changed my attitude to my then girlfriend after she told me this and we were never the same again. Now I'm not excusing your boyfriend's behaviour ( I didnt cheat on my girlfriend ) but I'm wondering if this was the catalyst for him to think your relationship is on the rocks and he ended up seeking solace somewhere else.
Maybe time will heal these wounds, but if you are still seeing this other guy I wouldnt think you have much chance.
good luck in whatever you choose.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Dear Mistify
Thank you for taking time to reply, I agree totally with you and I know I am in denial but still hold hope that he will come back after a while of no contact as not one day has gone by before the split that we didn't speak or text.
Just one thing the "Leaving work in 30mins :)-" was for me. Once he had sent the text saying he couldn't meet and there was nothing to talk about, I said I would come to his work so he could tell me why face to face. I had no intention on doing this, I just knew I would get a relpy from him as he wouldn't want me to do this.
Either he sent the message because he felt guity for telling me to "F**k off" and wanted me to reply to another message so this would be forgotton or he didn't want me coming down to his work and creating a scene.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (30 October 2007):
 Dear Heartbroken. This is really horrible. I'm so sorry for the ordeal you are going through. I'm gonna start off with saying - Do not call him...
Never again.
When someone we love hurts us, we go through denial. How could this be - it cannot be true. Well it is TRUE. You heard it in his own words in his own voice. 2 Years is a long time, and especially when things were so good for the first year. But then, bit by bit the relationship started falling apart. First the jealousy - for one, it is mostly the guilty people who are most jealous. Secondly, him excluding you from his life by intentionally speaking in another language he knows you don't understand.
Thirdly - he slept with someone else - i know this happens, and good on you for forgiving him, but it was still wrong.
Then - making you sit outside his apartment without showing. This is totally inconsiderate - a man who loves you would never do this to you - regardless of what you've done wrong.
And lastly - the text message (leaving work in 30 mins) was not intended for you... he text'd you by mistake.
I know it is hard, but you will have to find a way to move on, and forget about this guy. The way he spoke to you is inappropriate, but men often don't know how to break the news gently (and us females don't always catch subtle hints - like the exclusion and the inconsideration) So, they resort to swearing and making us feel totally useless.
Explain to your friends what you have gone through. Tell them you need some girly times, and go out and go party your heart out. Do something that will take your mind off him. By that i don't mean get a new guy, just retake your life, and do the things you love. He is not worth your efforts.
Good luck...
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