A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started a relationship earlier this year. Personally I went through a very bad marriage for a while and he went through a terrible relationship couple years ago. I got recovered from the divorce and slowly started dating and I met him. I had the best time since I ever had in my life for couple of months. He is caring and seems enjoy his time with me. We alway do a lot of stuff together and had a lot of laugh. He is 9 years older than me still single, and in his words he still doesn't know what to do. His ex-girl friend left a lot of influence on him, such as lack of self esteeem, negative etc. We were all fine and as long as I don't mention about marriage and kids stuff everything seems alright. (When I first date him I am kind of woman that wants kids and family and he told me sure he have no problem having a baby). All of a sudden it happened last week. We went to a friend's dinner and he was behaving very annoyed for some reason and kept telling me that he doesn't deserve me that I should find someone better. Then I started crying, at a gas station he suddenly turn to me and told face to face"I cannot have children." It was that he did his surgery for his ex-girl friend couple of years ago. He never told me coz He dared to tell me till 10 months after dating. Then he was telling me he was very confused. Because in the late days of the relationship he couldn't tell if it is love, of just guilt.He never told me he loved me. Which I took for granted that he does since I always give him a lot of love and we were so happy together. He also always toldl me I am the best girl friend he ever met. However when the truth turned out he told me he has to take time to figure things out. He couldn't face me or answer any question I asked me. He couldn't handle my crying either. I cried for a whole night and in the morning I took all my stuff and decide to leave him alone. In the night I called him again because I didn't know how to face all these but he said he couldn't think if I am around. He needs time and space to think. I told him I will give him time. I seriously want him back no matter it is good for me or not. Life without him is miserable and just sad. I even cry when I see his picture. All my friend told me to give him a month. Then if he calls back then make a decision but if he doesn't move.Shall I give him time? Or just treat this as a break up.
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female
reader, Renata1967 +, writes (6 October 2008):
This guy doesn't sound like he knows what he wants and it seems like from what you've said here that his words often don't match his actions. You say that you want him back no matter if it's good for you or not, but do you really want that?! You will be the one who pays the price both in spirit and in soul. I say move on to someone who can give you the kids you would like to have someday, and also treat you more lovingly in both words and actions....
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