A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About a month ago my friend and another couple and their friend (who I know but not really friendly with) agreed to go on holiday abroad next month. My friend and I had gone on a holiday together the previous year with another group and in that group there was one woman and her friend who in particular didn't seem to like me and made it subtly clear, arranging to meet me at certain times with her friend and then just not turning up, making up a lame excuse later.They made me feel quite uncomfortable and, as my friend knew ask about their behaviour we agreed we wouldn't go in holiday with them again, even though she got on well with them, as a really good friend she said she didn't want me to be put in an awkward situation where I'd feel ostracised/uncomfortable.So last month we decided to go with sone different friends. She organised it but just told me the initial price. Then I found out that the woman from the previous holiday had got in touch with her saying they should all meet up again. I told my friend no way but she started saying I should chill out because we'd be in a big group and that there are just two of them and to not let then get to me. However after already paying an initial £300 for the ski holiday I said that I didn't want to pay a load more money to be on holiday where I don't feel comfortable or enjoy it, regardless of how many other people are there. It was the principle of it and that I expected her to stick up for me and not do a u-turn on what we'd agreed which is what hurt me. I said I'd rather not go and happy to letsomeoneelse go in my place . My friend got annoyed with me and said she was seeing if she go on holiday with then separately and to calm down but that doesn't make sense. Since then she send to be avoiding me. .I've asked about going for ski practice with her and it other friends and they say let's go but then they never get back to me. I've messaged my friend this week to ask about what time flights are and other arrangements but all she says is she's got 'other stuff to think about' and will send me details later. .Ask I know is the date of travel, nothing else, and I feel as though my friends are fobbing me off or ignoring me. I'm really now not looking forward to the holiday because I've not seen my friend for over three weeks and every time I ask about meeting up she makes up an excuse. Having spent a lot of money already and needing to spend more I feel forced to go but it feels as though I'm not welcome now or something as my friend is acting weird. Should I just forfeit the money and escape the possibility of having to holiday with friends who are not really speaking to me at the moment and the two women who weer not nice to me last year? ,Or just get on with it? I feel really unhappy about it
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2017):
 I was shocked when I looked at your age on this post. I genuinely thought this was wrote by someone who was just out off school. So two ladies took a dislike to you now they decide they want to go on holiday, the thing is there is still another 6 people. But you have created the drama yourself by telling your friend you where not happy and did not want the other two ladies going. This holiday is not all about you and should not revolve all around you. I can see why your friend is distant with you now as you have put her in an awkward position. If it was me I would apologize for getting her involved in high school drama and say you would like to buy her lunch to say sorry.
Then go on holiday ignore ladies that don't seem to get on with you and enjoy yourself. Remember you are responsible for your own happiness not anybody else. Enjoy the holiday.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): You must go, don't waste your money! You may have introduced a bit of drama, when this is all in preparation of a holiday. Your friend has to be considerate of others within the group; and she also has to follow the consensus. Sorry sweetie, but it's not just about you! Others have spent their money as well.
May I remind you, it's your friend who is the planner; so she gets to pick those she wishes to travel with. Next-time, you plan; and invite or exclude whomever you like.
Your friend is only avoiding you; because she doesn't appreciate her loyalty being questioned, and she may have gone out of her way for you many times before. Sometimes enough is enough, my dear. This is about fun, not personality-conflicts! I don't let my friends decide whom I like and shouldn't; nor whom I should invite to my parties.
Check all differences, hostilities, and issues at the door!
People sometimes don't like you. That's a reality of life. So you remain calm and dignified. Ignore their efforts to press on your nerves, and be totally cordial. In essence, fake-it! They only have power over you, when you surrender it over to them! Get along! Because it is all about enjoying yourselves; and not about introducing high school politics into a group of mature and intelligent fun-loving people.
Leave a polite voice-mail message that you need more details regarding the trip. Apologize if there was any misunderstanding or misgivings. You'll work it all out.
Don't lose money and a friend over such pettiness. So what, someone doesn't like you?!! It's about the trip, and all the other company around you. As adults, we learn to work our way around these trifling situations and annoying people.
Sweetheart, don't be the party-pooper! Go and have a delightful time!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): I fully endorse what Honeypie has said. Ask her to find a replacement for you so that your advance payment is not lost or go but dont mix with them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): Hi Honeypot, there's only 9 of us in the group, including the two women so it's not that big. ...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 February 2017):
 I would go. If I had spent money and CAN'T get them refunded I would go. I wouldn't give a flying fart about the women who have issues with me. So what? It's THEIR problem, and since it is a larger group there will be others to hang with and talk to. This isn't High School anymore.
However, I would NOT make a vacation plan with this friend in the future. The who saying one thing to your face and then not being consistent is ridiculous.
You are an adult, and you should try not to let ANYONE intimidate you into not doing things. And honestly? I'd be tempted to suggest that YOUR friend either finds someone who can cover your 300 so you CAN get your money back - after all SHE is the one who messed up ROYALLY. If she can't then GO - there will be PLENTY of other people where you are going and who knows you might meet some decent people to hang out with.
I have been on several ski trips (to France, Italy, and Switzerland) and on the third one I actually hung out with a whole different group than the one I went with. WHY? well, skill level most of MY friends were new to skiing, I wasn't and I wasn't going to hang around on the bunny slopes. And there were even some of my friends who didn't want to ski at all they just wanted to hang out and drink hot chocolate.
I'd say GO for it and DARE to have a great time no matter what. And then LEARN from this. NO more vacations with this friend who invites people she KNOWS you don't get along with.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 February 2017):
 If a large group of you is going on this holiday, are you friendly with anyone else in the group? Could you get in contact with them before the holiday and have a chat before you make any decisions? Will you have other people to talk to on this holiday and hang out with if your friend continues to keep her distance?
Disappointing as it is that your friend agreed to let these two women come with you on holiday, knowing how uncomfortable they had made you feel, she perhaps found herself stuck in the middle of two friends and believed, with it being more people going than last time, that it wouldn't be such a problem.
In your shoes I would phone your friend and say "I know you are avoiding me, but we really need to talk SOON because I need to make a decision on whether to cancel this holiday and I can't make that without speaking to YOU."
Be prepared to compromise but, if you still think the situation will be uncomfortable, there are worse things than losing a few quid.
Good luck. I hope you make it up with your friend and have a nice holiday.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (12 February 2017):
Confront her directly. She has taken your money I don't know if 300 is a lot for you but it seems a lot to me.Face to face demand that she give you the flight times, reservation numbers etc or give you back your money.
Also understand that she is no longer your friend. She has chosen this other person over you. So do not expect to see or hear from her again. Believe you are better off with out someone like her.
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