A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid:My fiance has cut back on viewing porn (well, as far as I know). Now every night, all he wants is me to tell him of my past sexual experiences. He says he'd rather jack off to that instead of viewing porn. Does this sound like somebody who is a "sex addict"? He has recently told me that he thinks he has a problem as in "sex addiction"! Ever since he has so-called cut back on his viewing of porn, I have been assisting him. But then, there are times when I just get really frustrated and dont want to have phone sex. I dont think I'm the only one who puts up with stuff like this... I mean come on. Try discussing something of your past sexual experiences to your (now) boyfriend every day of the week for two weeks straight just for him to explode, and see how tired you get of repeating the same old sex stories of the past!!! Am I wrong for getting all upset for having multiple repeat sessions of the same past sex stories? What should I do? How should I talk to him about this? Tonight, I didnt want to do it, I just talked phone sex to him last night. All this week so far, as a matter of fact!!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 "Why he saves them, I dont know. He just does."
Why do you buy books, CD's or video's? Why not just go to the cinema and see the film just once, why do we go and buy it and watch it at home?
When we like something, we go and get our own copy, so we can watch it again at another time. Same reason why he has just more than one porn film. Reading the same book, or listening to the same DVD over and over again is boring. People like choice.
You think he's addicted, but he's cut down. If he was addicted, he wouldn't be able to do that without some professional help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the responses/opinions. Its not that we're not sexually active. Its just that I dont see the need to discuss my sexual past with my current boyfriend.All I'm saying is that if whatever I did before him was before me and him met, why is it of any importance to him? But he wants to 'bust' every single night. Its dragging me down!!! I think he seriously is addicted to porn though. Once he looks at a video on the Internet, if its one he really really likes or it really really gets him off... he'll save it to his computer. And then the next day, he'll get back on the Internet and do the same thing again, possibly save another video. Why he saves them, I dont know. He just does.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (12 March 2010):
 I don't think he's sexually addicted, he's just horny. All guys get horny (and hey, so do women). Masturbation is something that most men also do, and it sounds like you two are quite a distance from each other, seeing as you are on the phone. Is that why you two aren't actually having sex instead of talking about it? That'd be useful information.
Anyway. I give this guy props for cutting down on the porn because you asked him to. That's a rare streak of honesty from guys, and you should at least be happy with that. But you have to take into consideration that he has cut off his porn viewing to some extent, and he has built up that particular habit for quite some time now. Now that he's not using it to vent his sexual tension, he has a lot of tension built up. With you talking about sex, it's become a substitution for porn. Why don't you turn the tables the next night and ask him to tell YOU his fantasies? This will allow him to have to become creative in his own mind, and maybe it will push him to be able to masturbate with thoughts alone instead of having to use porn, or having to use your verbal coaching.
Tell him you want to hear him dirty talk. Maybe get into it a little bit yourself. Just try to get him under the spotlight so the focus of your past can be shifted to something current. Just don't forget that you are the one who asked him to stop watching porn (which you had every right to at least ask), and now he 'needs' something else. You can turn this around though. Make it something fun for the both of you if actual sex isn't an option.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (12 March 2010):
 maybe he is still viewing porn to say something like i prefer jacking off rather than watching porn just suggests that he is trying to put you off the scent he obviously has issues with sex addiction as men dont usually want to know about there girlfriends past sex stories you need to tell him that you dont feel comfortable keep talking about past sexual acts with other partners and dont understand why he wants to know about them anyway you deffinately need to talk and find out why he is sooo addicted to sex and how you can make your relationship more balanced with affection rather than about sex all the time and see what he says
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (12 March 2010):
 It does sound a bit weird about having to use your past to find mental stimulation. He should be focusing on your relationship now.
Most guys do think about sex a lot, but if its ruling their life (and yours) then it could be a bad habbit that he needs to get out of.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): I think what matters is how you experience all of this.Personlly, it would drive me nuts to have a boyfriend that wanted nightly phone sex. It's stupid, sorry....I am too smart for my own good and I just would be annoyed....at best.I don't know if he is a true sex addict. I think he definately has a porn addiction. I also think that he is like many many people in today's world that idolizes sex above almost everything else, relationship included. Sex is available every where and a lot of men think they are missing out on all this sex that is out there.I think he has deeper problems than you are even aware of. I don't know that this is the right guy for you. He wouldn't be for me. If he needs porn and phone sex more than he needs the real deal and a loving relationship, then in my book he is mentally challenged and I can do better.Sorry if that is harsh, but it's the truth. I need a smarter, more creative man, and a real man.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Many men think about sex a lot. Wanting to masturbate once a day is not unusual. He requires some stimulation, you forbid him pornography, so it's fair that you should tell him stories.
Now your fed up with that. But what should the man do? He dose not have a sex addiction, wanting to masturbate once a day dose not suggest that. Men (and some women) high sex drives, that's the purpose of pornography, it helps them to find relief.
Since you don't like the pornography, and your fed up of telling stories, you need to find a way to help him to find relief. Sex every day would probably be difficult for you as well. Tell him your bored of the same old stuff and tell him you'd rather tell him your sexual fantasies instead and what you'd really like to do if nobody in the world was watching you.
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A
male
reader, Danimal20 +, writes (12 March 2010):
Lmao, this sounds awful, what i think you should do is tell him straight up that it bothers you talking about that kind of stuff, and tell him why dont you guys start making stories with having some great sex? It sounds like hes the type of guy that would be interested in having a three way with another guy on you. DONT FALL FOR IT. DONT DO IT. If you atually love this guy it will end up ruining your relationship, it sounds like hes not confident in himself. Tell him it bothers you that you have to stimulate his pleasure by telling him old stories. Tell him to get in his car, go to your house and F**K you silly, and tell him to stop asking you that crap. its not cool man, not cool at all
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Addictions {habits] are good if positive, like physical exercise, but bad if negative, like alcoholism, gambling, and repetition of some doing [in this case sexual}.... such doing cause boredom.
Sexual additions are cause by cultural influence. You are not wrong for being upset, but you are helping him to correct...no matter the way, I think is not relevant. Meaningless repetition of something cause more injury to mind.
I suggest you some different course to come out from addiction.It is better to correct the bad habit by following new but good habit. All in all, your boy friend wanted to live in constant sexual excitement. And, such wanting is not bad or ill, but healthy, even for you also. Eroticism is a concept in the field of 'love making'. It is an effort to live in sexual paradise. There are oceans of literature on the subject, right from ancient time to this days. It is better to study such literature...story, drama, essays, and poetry and painting etc. All these literature are more interesting, than our own sexual past.
You both work to form true concept of 'eroticism' by studying various definition, given by many writers, and try to form your own, by your own vision.
The above course will help you more creatively, and make your life more rich and wealthy {intellectually.]
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