A
male
age
36-40,
*rown_maggot
writes:I've got a question which might seem a little silly but nevertheless, it pertains to a matter of some importance for me. To give you the rundown, I'm someone who watches porn on a daily basis and I fear this might have had insidious consequences on my ability to maintain erections during sex. For the past year or so, I’ve been having sex fairly regularly with sex workers. Initially, it was enjoyable but now I’ve come to the point where it's simply not satisfying anymore, both emotionally and physically. In fact, I sometimes go soft when changing positions with a hooker and have to masturbate myself to the point of orgasm. Now, there’s this girl that I’ve got a crush on would like to ask out. I told her once that I was kind of in love with her when I was drunk and she thought it was ''so sweet'' in her own words. Unfortunately, she's also the ex of a friend of mine who was something of a ‘’stud'' (his words) in bed and this means that if we ever do get together, I’ll probably prove to be a rather sorry disappointment when compared to her former lover. Should I ask her out or should I simply continue practicing with prostitutes until I sort out my sexual issues? Thanks for taking the time to read this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Porn is not real life. Not every man is meant to last for more than 30 minutes, let alone 10 minutes without cumming. In porn they cut and edit when the actors pause for a break. Sex is not the foundation of a relationship. Of course good sex and chemistry is important but out of the many hours you spend together other things you do count a lot too. A woman who dumps a man who cums quickly is not high value woman. Every man would like to think he is a stud. Only the woman with them knows how he is and every woman has her own preference. You can use your tongue and finger. Let no woman tell you how long you should stay hard.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 ok... stop having sex with hookers and watching so much porn. If you think the porn is having a negative effect, stop watching it so often. If you wonder why you are not getting any emotional satisfaction from sex with hookers, it's because it is "fake". There is no emotion involved for the hooker, it is an act, a job. This will leave you feeling empty, I imagine.
As for the ex of the girl you like, come on now, he said he was a stud? Of course HE would say that! He wants to look good right? Appear all manly and stuff. Doesn't mean it's true. Only the girl knows how satifying their relationship was. But maybe you need to consider what impact having a relationship with the ex of your friend will have on your friendship. Would your friend still be friendly if you slept with his ex? Is he enough of a friend that you care?
So the choice is, do you ask out this girl you like and possibly have real sex with a woman who might actually have real feelings and attraction for you, or do you continue paying women to have sex with you which is proving unsatifying? Dude, let me be blunt. Jack in the porn and hookers and start again with life! You are living in a world where the sex has no meaning, it is self gratification. The women are there just to get you off, you have no emotional connection. This is going to mess with your head if you ever get to the point of sleeping with a woman you havn't paid to do so, a woman you might really like, who might really like you back. You are used to sex being about your own gratification, when it should be about expressing love and attraction. I know sex isnt always about love but if for you it has never been about love, then having sex for love will be difficult.
Also, as a woman, finding out that my boyfriend has had frequent sex with sex workers would be a MASSIVE turn off. I would see that as big issues with sex and relationships and I would probably run the other way. It would take a very open minded lady to be cool with your past. So either you will have to find a lady like that or never tell her. In which case you will never be truely intimate and it will again just be about sex for you. But if that is what you want, that is what you want. It just depends what you are looking for in your love life. A girlfriend? A wife one day? Or just many sexual partners?
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A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 Dude, don't you know the guy code? I'm a girl and I even know it. You don't date your friend's exes.
In addition, sex with hookers has gotten to the point where it's not satisfying you anymore. You know why? You don't like these hookers. There is no passion. Your body and mind want something more- to be with someone. To have a relationship. Hookers don't take care of that.
I can't be the judge to say whether you have sexual issues or not, but "practicing with prostitutes" will not help. You sound lonely, honestly. You want someone to want you back and there is no shame in that. Keep your head up and stop practicing with prostitutes. Save that money to take out a nice girl.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (8 February 2012):
 First off, women aren't preoccupied with mens' sexual performances. It's a big deal to men, I understand, but unlike men, we really don't place much importance on it. Seriously. It's just like penis envy, or penis size concern - it's a male thing.Every woman has things that turn her on. Just because you're with prostitutes doesn't mean you'll rock her world. It takes time to get to know someone sexually and fine tune what works on each woman. It's not a matter of skill, but rather finding out what the woman likes and working in that direction.Clearly you're becoming bored of the prostitutes as you don't have any real passion between them. Don't be a pansy, ask this girl out and enjoy being in a real relationship. Don't worry about her former sex partners as it's completely irrelevant. She, too could think to herself: wow he has been sleeping with hookers, who are way more skilled than me. How on earth can I compete with prostitutes when it comes to skill? But look at you, you're not happy with them, regardless of skill, correct? We don't love or have amazing sex because someone is really skilled.
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A
female
reader, elise22  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 I'm not sure you should keep 'practicing with prostitutes'. The fact that having sex with strangers doesn't satisfy you anymore, EMOTIONALLY as well as physically, is kind of the point, I think. You said it yourself. I really don't think the porn-thing has anything to do with it, especially since lots of guys watch porn every day.I think you don't want to have someone you can masturbate into, you want to be with someone you actually have feelings for. And since there is a girl you like (which could have triggered this 'problem'), you should just ask her out and stop seeing prostitutes.I'm not saying that having sex with prostitutes is a bad thing, but you obviously want more in life, and you are only going to get that if you start dating.
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