A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am writing about my 10 year marriage, that I feel so burn out on at the moment. My husband and I have never had a fabulous sex life; in fact, I have never been that physically attracted to him at all. We conceived our daughter after only knowing each other for a few months and if it were not for the kids, I would have already left. I discovered early on his craving for sex and it was as if he could never get enough. I would find magazines under the couch cushions, porno sites in the computer files, but he has never admitted to having any problem. Recently, I have not been having sex with him on any regular basis-it's simply not a sacrifice I am willing to make. I have the feeling that he is putting sleeping pills in my drink and having sex with me while I am passed out in bed. He will bring me in a "surprise" which is a chocolate milkshake that sometimes has a powdery residue to the taste. The cup is always carried away and rinsed out, along with the blender, in the morning. Although we don't sleep together, he ends up in bed with me on those nights, but says it was because he couldn't sleep well on the couch. There have been times in which I have woke up to him taking my clothes off and other times that I woke up to find "soiled" underwear-consisting more than just the smell of a wet dream. These bits and pieces, along with my suspicion is all that I have. I have confronted him but he denies it and tells me it is even screwed up to think he would do that but he never gets mad or defensive in any way. Eventually, the day drags on and it's completely as though the topic had never come up. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think maybe I'm the crazy one but then I'm back at square one-I don't know what to do. I know that the fact that I would even consider such a scenario speaks much about the foundation of my relationship. I am willing to work through problems but if this is really happening, I just don't think I could work through this. Do I simply concede to insanity or do I try to investigate this situation more? How do I determine whether or not he is druggin me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): There was recently a case of that very thing happening here in Australia. Get away from the guy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): get a video camera, set it up in your room when on nights he gives you the drinks and watch it in the morning, or
you could make one identical and when hes not around switch it, then go to bed, but dont go to sleep, when he sneaks in, bust him.
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A
female
reader, bluntasaspoon  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 if i remember rightly, when u wake up in the morning after one of "those nights" take a urine sample of your own and take it too the doctors. speak to a female doctor and tell her your suspicions, give her the sample and ask her if she could test it to see if there are any toxins in it.
let me know how u get on hun
bluntasaspoon x
ps it sounds like he might be
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (11 August 2008):
 There is a huge difference between your husband being sex mad and him drugging you and making you have sex when you are not even lucid.
I think you definitely need to get some evidence of this, does your husband ever leave you alone while you drink the chocolate or milk at all or does he watch you drink it down before removing the glass and washing the blender? If you are ever left alone maybe you could take an identical glass or cup and keep some either cold milk or hot chocolate in a flask and then substitute it for your one which has not had anything added and then just for once he will see that it is not taking any affect on you and maybe say oh perhaps it is due to some headache pills I took today or something like that so that he doesn't get you out cold as normal. I don't know how you could get the liguid tested though that is the only problem. I don't know if any pharmacy can do it for you or if it would a matter for the police instead.
I don't think that this can be left unresolved and I seriously think that maybe finding a sexual counsellor could be the answer here. However if you are not sexually attracted to him then I just don't understand why you stay in this relationship unless it is for the financial side of things and the security for your children. The only thing is that unless you have any proof of his actions you are going to remain in this hell of a life right now and nothing will alter.
Don't sit around forever waiting for things to change, you have to make them change so you either take this matter further and get some legal advice or go down the counselling route and also getting the proof of whether or not your husband is actually drugging you or not. However from the evidence you have already mentioned I think it is highly likely.
Keep us posted though as we are all here to help. Stay strong sweetheart and things will change if YOU want them to, believe me there is life outside of a relationship and you are your children will be much stronger on your own. I am with my daughter and I am now very amicable with my ex, there are the odd days I think uggghhh but the one thing I can say for him is that he is my best friend and also a terrific dad to our daughter.
Keep smiling and stay positive. There is light at the end of the tunnel believe me.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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